Oh bloody hell! My positive pants are in the wash. I feel as though I've had a shit full!
From 2x pregnancies in the office, to a recent birth from someone on mat leave, to endless family baby pictures during a friendly group get together, to an auntie announcement and mum to be announcement and endless questions about my future plans.. all over the space of 2 weeks. It's fair to say that I have had a tit full.
With my partners family party tomorrow - both Aunties having 5 children each themselves.. to a nephew's party this weekend, which means running around with over 20 children under 5.. I'm really acknowledging how shitty and tough this entire process is.
I'm fed up of those who get pregnant blag about how it's all been perfectly planned and to those that moan during pregnancy.. Oh my gosh you drive me insane!! You don't realise how lucky you truly are having all those aches, gripes and not being able to drink! Yes I know everyone's entitled to moan and I'd probably be one of them but don't you ever wonder when it will be your turn.. your turn to have a break!
I'm doing well in myself (I promise) but cannot help but feel as though I'm being pushed to the limit.. and my kind nature tested!!
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Faith27
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It really is a shitty situation. I can relate. I had a really awful time last year when 13(!) people I knew were pregnant at the same time... most in work where you can’t really escape it, and a few ‘surprise’ pregnancies thrown in! I even became a great aunty! It completely tests you. I was quite resentful and angry, which I think are completely normal feelings. The only thing that really helped me was thinking that I want most of those people around me when it’s my turn so kept as positive as possible. I also enjoyed talking to them about their pregnancies as I felt I could finally talk about it even though they didn’t know I was trying. There’s not much else you can do but recognise you are not alone and your feelings are completely normal. I hope it gets easier xx
Omg THIRTEEN!! It's crazy and does seem as though everyone around you are pregnant. You're right about feeling comfort talking to them about their pregnancy - I also enjoy that which I think is a really good strength during this difficult process. I envy those moaning about the situation on the other hand though lol. Hopefully our time soon xx
I completely feel your pain. All my closest friends have had babies in the last 4 years and I'm sure theres more to come and it never seems to work out for me. It hasn't done so yet anyway and I'm progressing towards my 6th attempt. Infertility is one of the hardest journeys. I try and keep positive that one day that will be me however long it takes and that they will all be there to listen to my news. It's easiest said then done but everyone in this group is in the same position as us so I take comfort thar I'm not alone. We are all so strong.....we just have to be to get through. I hope things do get better for you.
Thank you for your message! It's such a difficult process it really takes it out of you. You're right about everyone here being in the same position! I've not told many friends about our situation but the one person I've felt really comfortable talking to has recently found out that his wife is expecting another baby! If anything, I think I spurred this on by sharing so much of our difficulties given that they took over a year to conceive their first! Funny old world we live in. So the person I was most honest with, I'm more about looking forwards than back if that makes sense? It's tough! Xx
I know what you mean..I’ve said before I don’t know what we’ve done to deserve the journey we’ve been through - must have been very bad in a previous life!!
Towards the end of last year, people I am friends with on FB were announcing the births and it was like I missed the news for the announcements. I had to go back to check, but it seems they were keeping it quiet and maybe for a good reason, but it still left me a bit shocked, the not knowing.
There seem to be lots of people due this year, more than usual.
You will get there and you will survive, like we always do, we bounce back x
Haha you're right it does seem like more this year than usual!! Or perhaps were realising it more? God knows.
Aww 're. The Facebook thing.. to be honest, I've started of following a lot of people because it must have been in my settings that every feed was to be filled with baby news and photos before all else and this endless scroll first thing in the morning was starting to bug me lol. We certainly do bounce back - we need to! I've felt feelings of positivity this afternoon while at the children's party, because it would be lovely for us to have that experience with our little one.. so however we get there, I've found my hope again! Definitely wasn't expecting that from the day lol!! Xx
The opening to this made me laugh. You take those pants out of the wash and chuck them on the rad and get them steaming away ready to be put on.
I have a small family so never faced this challenge. I politely declined my husbands SIL kids parties as something I'd rather do anything other than attend. 20 one year olds couped up in a room high on sugar still isn't my thing ever though we have one now.
People love to moan. If they are getting on your nerves feel free to have a moan back.
Haha thanks for your message lovely, it did make me laugh!! My positive pants are back on.. strangely enough, I managed to find them during the kids party!! Something there gave me hope and wishes for the future.. wasn't expecting that go come of the day!! You're really good for turning down certain things - I guess we all need self preservation and kindness to ourselves. We're absolute machines us bunch of TTC ladies!! X
Told my sister I was feeling down and asked if we could go for a cup of tea. Her solution? To bring her kids with her and make me spend 2 hours in the playground on a Saturday and then go to the kids library.
Oh gosh I think I'd have cried if my sister done that to me!! I bet you needed something a little stronger than a cuppa after that lol xx
Oh yes I know this one! I get so fed up with the constant announcements and people bringing their babies everywhere (recently even repeatedly bringing a baby in to our office and even to a black tie party!) there’s no escape! This week I had a friends ‘twins’ announcement the night before finding out I have another polyp so need to go for surgery again before can do FET..... life’s timing with these things is pretty harsh! Hang in there - we’re all in that boat with you! X
Aww no that sounds really tough!!! Black tie party!?!?!? Some people really are insane. Sorry to hear that you need surgery before your next transfer .. I hope that may mean you'll have more success !? Fingers crossed that time and patience is your lucky charm lovely xx
Completely get how you’re feeling, the morning when pregnant is my biggest gripe, particularly when I’ve had it from family members who know I’m struggling 😡 xx
Do you mean moaning core? If so, yep I can't help but think OMG please keep it to yourself.. It's Not even genuine moans half the time, they are 'look at me' moans.. perhaps that's just the bitter side of me talking hahah x
Oh that just made me laugh 🤣 your positive pants are in the wash Haha
I totally feel your pain. I've become a bit of a grinch and hermit through all this. It's a tough road but knowing we are all in the same boat is a small relief. Hope you get through your family get together ok. Thinking of you xxx
Thanks lovely. It all went well actually and I'm not usually a negative person but by gosh have I gone through the ups and downs that infertility bring with it! Positive pants are back in the drawer ready for a new working week tomorrow and no.. I don't wear just one pair of pants for a week's worth of work normally hahah! Xx
Ha! There's nothing like fertility woes to make you feel that every man and his dog are pregnant and having children. There are bumps everywhere! Grim feeling of inadequacy all round. I have a pathetically low egg count and quite often all I can think about is the thousands of eggs that other younger women are (nearly literally) sitting on. Eggs Eggs Eggs Eggs Eggs Eggs Eggs. None of us know how this will turn out and that uncertainty sucks most of all. But! You're not a failure and it's not your fault. Aside from a cancer diagnosis (or something to that effect), this is one of the hardest situations a person can go through. You're doing your best and that's all that counts.
It's bloody ridiculous this egg thing. How can i have carried a baby girl who developed millions of eggs whilst inside me?? Yet my ancient eggs are gone and can't grow anymore. That's what baffles me
Awww that made me laugh but almost cry for you at the same time!!! I can imagine you just looking at people thinking.. I wonder how many eggs you have!?
Infertility does crrraaazy things to us all! Genuinely, I think the next pregnancy announcement will be the straw that breaks the camel's back for me haha just because.. I'm not expecting anyone else so it will be a complete shock!! Hopefully the next complete shock will be me or you ofcourse!! Fingers crossed to us all. Your kind words are appreciated xx
You sound the same as I was about a month ago! My tipping point was when my best friend told me she was pregnant! It was unplanned and it just caused me a massive emotional reaction because along with that Others also announced their pregnancies! It’s so hard because of course none of us want to have these negative emotions towards our friends and family but it’s so bloody tough going!! Unfortunately unless people have been through it it’s hard to really relate to how we might be feeling. I went into myself and completely withdrew from everyone. Which I realise wasn’t healthy, but I needed to work through it so I didn’t end up being a complete b**ch to everyone around me 🙈 but recognising how you’re feeling is the most important otherwise it can get out of hand. Which it did for me! I’ve learnt it’s ok to have these feelings and we can’t feel guilty for thinking this way. It’s ok to have down days but not to let them take over for too long! I turned to the wonderful and supportive women on here and they instantly made me feel ok, you’re not alone and we got you 😉
It’s so challenging emotionally and being pushed to the limit is an all but common feeling. Hope you are ok and if it’s all a bit much then it’s ok to say no to things too. Take care hun xx
Ah such lovely advice and kind words you have shared! Thank you so much.
I can't imagine one of my best friends announcing their pregnancy .. of course it's natural to feel a mix of emotions.. It's always worse if you don't acknowledge them though isn't it so I've learnt the hard way that actually a few tears in the bath tub or whenever needed, does a world of good in the long run!
You're right though about not always saying yes to everything.. I'm a bit of a pleaser and have a load of close family and friends to please which can be good for distraction purposes.. and not so good when the questions get asked or announcements get told! I'm going to schedule in some ME time in my calendar moving forward I think.. Thanks lovely xx
I’m a bit like that, want to be social and don’t like to let people down. I guess we don’t want to become hermits either but sometimes when emotions are high self-care is so important!!
It’s good to get things off your chest to others who understand those feelings.
ME time is key! I’ve done that recently and it’s made me feel better about things and I’m more relaxed when I am out with others who don’t understand. Helps things to go over my head rather than focus in on the unhelpful comments people make. They don’t know what to say and end up saying things that are so annoying and unthoughtful!
Anyway I hope you feel better about things, the journey of ups and downs!! And yes do start doing some things for you and not just for everyone else xx
I think my positive pants have worn out! Need to go and buy a new pair!
It’s so tough isn’t it, constantly trying to put on a brave face and be happy for others when things are so difficult for us.
When we talked to some friends about our struggles (they had just had a baby), the husband genuinely said, “I was always worried I wouldn’t be able to have kids, I thought I was a Jaffa! But obviously not”. I’d never heard that expression before so looked it up and then couldn’t believe how insensitive he was!
I’m currently struggling waiting for fresh round 3 and watching my little sisters growing bump. My heart is breaking but also mixed with excitement for her, we really can’t get away from it sometimes and it’s really draining emotionally.
So I’m right there with you and have to keep believing (not easy I know) that we will get our dream and it will be even more special for us having worked so hard to get there.
Ahh hun!! I honestly feel for you. My god I bet you are feeling a mixture of emotions.. are you trying for your first? It's meant to be that you being the eldest have your child before younger siblings so that's got to be tough for you if so. My sister's little one was born about 2 years before we were trying, but like with everything, we debated trying just after she gave birth because we were in absolute awe of him.. the reason we didn't was because I didn't want to take the limelight from her and we honestly thought it would happen INSTANTLY! I'm laughing now at the thought of how innocent we both were.. and afraid lol.. to think if we had started trying all those years ago, we may be in a different situation but hey ho! Infertility is so untalked about, it blows my mind. I hope your able to find a new pair of positive pants at some point x x x
I don’t have any advice on how to “cope” with pregnancy announcements but wanted to say I can emphasis completely with you. During our 7 year struggle to have a baby it was a nightmare every friend & family member had a baby with no trouble 😢 Even tho I’m 27 weeks I haven’t forgotten the struggle. All I can say is to be kind to yourself & put your needs first. It’s okay to decline baby based events. Self protection is important. Hopefully it will be you soon celebrating happy news of your own 🤞🏻✨❤️ xoxo
Thank you Jess. I hope you're doing ok! Your words of advice are lovely and I always see you commenting on lots of people's posts which I think is so nice.. it helps put it into perspective because you KNOW how were all feeling and you have come out the other side so thank you so so much for posting xxx
Aww thank you. It’s such a rubbish journey which most people don’t understand unless you’ve been through it. I like to help & tell others it CAN happen. So many times we felt like giving up & felt like it would never happen, so glad we kept going. I think our babies are that bit more special & worth fighting for 😍 I hope it’s you soon writing happy news 🤞🏻🌟💗 xoxo
I had my best mate tell me how horrible it felt to feel her baby kick.... wrong audience mate! It’s the things people think are small to them that send us over the edge
Oh my god!! How you didn't kick her I'll never know lol just in the shin or somewhere that wouldn't be harmful to the baby ofcourse!! You're so right, something so small just makes me want to shake them lol xx
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