Life seems really unfair at the moment. I was invited to my niece's 4th birthday party this weekend, and since it was my twin sister’s daughter I felt I had to attend. The birthday was fine and I enjoyed watching all the kids play and have fun together. When the party was over we went back to my sister’s house to catch up with everyone properly. But for the entire evening it seemed like every conversation reverted back to having children with conversations on breast feeding, potty training, and child birth etc etc. I felt so left out, as I was the only one who was not a mother and have no experience of what these mothers were talking about. Both of sisters know my husband and I are having problems conceiving and I’m sure others have also picked up we are having problems too. I feel really sensitive about not being able to have children and I am beginning to feel like an outsider as all of my close circle of friends and family are all now parents. I wish people were more sensitive towards me and would realise how I might feel. I'm sure if someone had another type of medical condition people would be more sensitive.
On top of that, I keep being reminded by people that I don't have any kids. Every time my sister phones and asks what I have been doing and I say 'cleaning' she says 'oh how can your house be messy you don't have any kids'. I was recently supposed to go on holiday with my family but was unable to because of having fertility treatment, a friend of ours was also supposed to but didn’t and said 'oh I couldn't go because I have two young children, but what was your excuse', I felt like saying ‘well sorry I couldn't go because I am receiving fertility treatment’, and to ask him if that was a good excuse for him. It seems like everyone uses the kids as excuses to do things and not do things, and if you don’t have any kids well your not allowed to have any excuses unless you give people the full in’s and out’s of what happening in your difficult life.
I am really sorry about my stroppy message on a Monday, but I just wanted to let out what I have been feeling lately! Thanks for listening!