You haven't really tried though have you?

[Me_and_him]

Hi ladies,

I feel awful for saying this but I know that you won't judge me. A friend of mine has just announced that she is pregnant with twins after trying for 5 months. She said that those 5 months were so testing and difficult for her. I can't help feeling that she doesn't know what it is to truly try. We have been trying for 29 months and it has tested us in ways that I didn't want to be tested. Am I been bitter and jealous in thinking that she doesn't understand trying x

[Hidden]

You aren’t awful - it’s such a sucker punch every time these things happen, I had similar at work with a colleague getting pregnant after six months and saying how tricky it had been and then suggesting I should try soon or start ivf ‘because of my age’.. she didn’t know we’ve been trying 4 years had 2 rounds of ivf and 2 MC.

I just keep saying to myself ‘it’s all relative’ and I’m sure it feels a long time for them. They will never understand so there is no point even trying to explain.

Huge hugs xx

[WeeMrsH]

Remembering back to our first 6 months of trying, it felt like forever because we wanted it so badly, and feels like the most natural thing in the world - we loved each other and had a healthy sex life so why wasn’t I pregnant? Little did we know it would take 7 years and 4 cycles of IVF. As Daisy says it’s all relative. You’re not a bad person for thinking it but I guess in your friend’s world it’s her experience of it, and was a long time relative to what she (and probably all of us) expect when you hear of people falling the first month of even accidentally. x

[Hidden]

She doesn’t understand but it’s not her fault. I didn’t understand before I was here and I think I would have said the same sort of things if I’d got pregnant after a few months, blissfully unaware of the realities for others. I recall the first person I reached out to about my Infertility - I did so because she’d said they’d had a trouble conceiving their first - turns out it had taken them ‘4 months of trying’ 🙄 it’s another of those deep breath moments....

[Novice_knitter]

Don’t think you’re awful, just human! Completely understandable to feel that way, it’s so hard when people get it so easily whilst others go through such tough journeys. Hope you’re ok xxx

[Kyell2]

Ah it’s so blooming tough that some people get it so easy, but I guess that’s just life.

I think each and every one of us have had the same thought, you can’t always be strong and positive and pleased for everyone and there’s nothing wrong with that.

I hope you are ok xx

[Firefliesintuscany]

Hello,

I’m sure your friend didnt mean to say anything to intentionally upset you. It’s just impossible for anyone to appreciate how tough infertility and IVF is until you’re actually in it.

Try not to let it affect your friendships otherwise the nasty side of IVF will of won!

Obviously, I know how hard this is as I’m going through exactly the same and people regularly say the most thoughtless and insensitive things to me too....

Latest one was last week when my sister in law said “hadn’t you better hurry up, you know your body clocks ticking.....”.

(Hmmm cheers for that sis! LOL)

X

[Hidden]

Dear me and him

I know the feeling. I work in a team of women and another one announced she’s 10 weeks pregnant and ‘wasn’t even trying’! Something inside me died a little. She’s the second colleague who’s announced she’s pregnant in the last month. It’s like death by a thousand cuts. We’ve been trying for 4 yrs!

I kind of put on a smile congratulate them and be happy for them but inside I feel like I just want to run away and cry.

I think I we’ve all had these very trying situations. I don’t think we can’t judge ourselves for having angry and upset feelings. It seems to go with the territory

Xx

[emu2016]

She’s tried. Tried the way she knows, tried an option and it worked. Five months might seem a long time. Hell, I remember five months feeling like a long time... if I’d known I had five years ahead of me I’d have probably partied harder and gone on that holiday then...

Everyone’s journey is different. Your trying is now what trying is. You’re a warrior. And you’re allowed to be grumbly about others! x

[Megaleg]

You are completely justified in your feelings so don’t worry about that! I remember a friend crying to me about how they got pregnant the first time they tried and they hadn’t even had time to “enjoy being married”... had to bite my tongue there!!!!

I’ve been to counseling through our fertility clinic and the best piece of advice the counsellor gave was “You’re allowed to feel bitter and jealous - the fact that you feel bad for feeling like that tells you that you’re not a bitter and jealous person, you just feel like that at this present moment” - that definitely helped me put things into perspective!

xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

No you are right that she doesn’t really understand your situation but she has had a sense of how difficult it is to try unsuccessfully for a short amount of time and is probably now able to draw on that to empathise with how bad it must be for you trying for so long.

[Bexta6060]

Sorry but 5 months isnt a struggle by any stretch of the imagination, even in non fertility issue circles. Ignorance really is bliss. I would be fuming. Youre not awful at all. Its good to come here for a rant, we get it xxx

[Em2405]

No you’re not bitter or jealous, you’re hurting and I totally understand. I guess for them it felt like a long time but she should be mindful of your situation (if she knows) time stretches when your ttc and even hours can feel like days. It’s okay to be annoyed and angry at others that don’t seem to understand because if you haven’t been on this journey most people cannot comprehend how painful and hard it is.

Chin up lovely, I’m sure like my friends it was more ignorance that intended nastiness. Just no understanding of what it’s like to be in infertility shoes. Take care and deep breaths. Xx