Fertility Network UK
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Does it ever get any easier 😢

So I've been away for a fair few months after our first and only round of NHS funded IVF failing end of Feb and nothing frozen.

Since then been trying to get myself in a much better place ready to have a self funded round of IVF at a clinic much closer to us. We plan to do this October once we are back from a wedding in Australia. So with all the time I've spent doing therapy and counselling I've managed to pull myself together and started to feel really positive!

However last weekend my husbands best friend whomwe are visiting in Australia announced that they are expecting there first baby in February next year...... kinda hit me hard and I felt I was slipping away from all my positive work I have been doing for months..... that was Saturday, then Thursday this week my brother asked to see me (he's 7 years younger at 26, with a Girlfriend (22years of age) that nobody likes as she treats him like dirt, they have been together for 1 year!) upon calling my brother to ask why I knew in my stomach what he wanted to see me for and I was right.... to announce he and his girlfriend have had an "accident" and she is 4 weeks pregnant.

Now I know this sounds spiteful and I don't want it to be but she has tried everything to make sure my brother doesn't go anywhere and I would put money on the fact she has trapped him!!!

I'm literally in bits, I've cried constantly for the past 3 days and I literally just have no idea what to do! We have been trying for 6 years now, she is very well aware of this and I feel heartbroken because of it!!

Now I know it's life and people fall pregnant ect but I can't help but feel so alone - I feel broken!

Is there anyone else feeling this way or am I totally overreacting and just being selfish?

22 Replies
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Oh Diamonddream, I'm so so sorry you've had to deal with two big announcements like this in the past week. Please see my post yesterday to know that you're not alone in how you feel. I can completely understand the crying for 3 days. After my friend's pregnancy announcement yesterday, I've just not been able to get myself together and that's a friend, not a relative. It sounds like you've worked really hard on developing a positive mindset - hopefully this is just a setback for you. Can you visit your counsellor before you go to Australia to get some support in strategies to deal with the situation while you're away? However you feel right now, I'm inspired by you and I think I'm going to look into counselling to work on my mindset as I hadn't realised how negative I had become about ivf until we started injections this week. All the very very best, fingers crossed it's you next xxx

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Thank you, yes I may do that and see if I can speak to my counsellor before I go. Honestly the hours and money I have spent trying to get myself in a good place has been worth it but now I just feel like I've had a massive set back! I really appreciate your reply, thank you and good luck with your round!! Xxx

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Good luck Diamond, I'll follow your progress too. Good luck in Australia and remember, you can always post on here while you're out there if it gets too much. I'm sure, as much as it will be hard at times, you will have a lovely time - it's just great to get away and put some perspective on things. All the very best of luck with your next round xxx

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Thanks son much 7AVA I think this forum will be good for me while I'm away in Australia 🇦🇺 I think I'm going to need the suppport!! Thank you so very much! Good luck with yours too xxx

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Hunny firstly you are not being selfish, it's so natural to be feeling these feelings as you said you have been trying for 6 years. I myself have been trying for 3 and feel the same as you. Some days I'm so full of positivity and others I feel so sad. I don't know how to take your pain away but I have been trying to just focus on the good in life and count my blessings. I don't know what the future holds and I can't control it so I try and control my emotions. It's so hard trying to put on a brave face. My friend at work became pregnant after a chemical miscarriage and she said that advice I had given her about Brazil nuts she believes helped her. So knowing this it made me feel so happy that she felt this way but at the same time I felt why isn't it working for me!!! I hope your pain becomes easier and focus on your holiday :) don't let this make you a bitter person. I am trying to help my husband get away from these bitter feelings, as he feels very sad at the moment. We can't control other peoples emotions and life's but we can try and control our own. Sending big hugs your way xxxx

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Thank you, yes I do the same, usually I can be grateful for the things I have but this baby thing has really started to take over my life and now with the last 2 announcements more so than ever! It's so hard isn't it! I've become a master at the brave face thing but I'm getting to a point now where I just don't want to anymore, I'm hurting so much! I literally would not wish this on anyone!! I really appreciate your lovely words, and wish you all the best for your future! Thank you xxx

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Oh I really feel for you, this is so tough! Your definitely not over reacting, I had such heart ache when my brother announced my SIL was pregnant with their 2nd child and there not even 'in love' with each other. Life really is so cruel, some days will be harder than others but try and keep your positivity, I hope you still have a great time in Australia xx

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Thank you so much! It really is cruel isn't it!! Yes I'm desperate to get my positivity back, I must try as I really want to do our next round of ivf once we are back from Oz but if I feel how I do now I'm not in a good enough place! I'm so disappointed! Xxx

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Don't put to much pressure on yourself, you need to have time to get your head around these 2 big announcements. Would it help telling your brother how hard it is for you and be able to air some of your feelings? I end up being very honest to my brother and SIL and it did give me some better head space. We're all here to support you xx

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He knows how much it's upset me and my husband, his gf hasn't even spoken to me or try to make me feel any better. She's just ignored it and pretending everything is fine. At a family BBQ yesterday and both were there. My husband couldn't even look or talk to either of them! I feel it's going to drive a wedge between our family xxx

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Sorry you had such a tough day yesterday. I do understand about causing a wedge - my brother and SIL announced her pregnancy 2 weeks before Christmas last year, the day after I found out my 3rd cycle had failed and I refused to spend Christmas with them. I was just hurting so much and couldn't face the baby scan and planning baby room talks. I know we're all guilty of giving advice but not following our own but do what you feels right for you and your hubby, it's not being selfish sometimes you just need to look after yourself xx

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Yeah that's it, my husband has already said he doesn't want to spend Christmas with my family due to all the baby talk as all the daily will know by then. Can't believe this is happening! I've always been so close to my brother and all my family but I don't think that will last now. We have removed ourselfs from Facebook Aswell now due to the constant announcements! It's awful! Thank you for your kind words! I hope all of our dreams come true one day xxx

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Sorry you were doing so well and now you've had a massive setback. My OH's sister visited today with her Daughter who's 13 months old. I can only handle it atm because I'm pregnant again. Don't get me wrong, OH's sister is lovely but she's only almost 21! (I'm 37) and she and her fella hadn't been together five minutes when she announced she was pregnant at 19. I remember crying over that one to my OH about how unfair it was. I guess what I'm saying is no, you're not overreacting and neither are you selfish xx

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Hey lovely long time no speak, so glad to hear your round ha been successful that's great news hunni!! I know it's so difficult, I'm having to see her today...... I'm not sure how I'm going to react, I really don't want to Burst into tears so im really going to have to brave face it!! Lovely to hear from you and thank you for your comments xxx

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You are definitely not selfish or overreacting. It is SO tough and it is perfectly natural for you to feel this way. Hope you are doing ok. Cry all you need, it will make you feel better in the long run rather than bottling it up. Thinking of you. X

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Thanks lovely, honestly I just cried for days, yesterday was a better day and I'm so glad I've come back to the forum for a little support! Everyone on here is fantastic and everyone's lovely comments have made me realise I'm not a bad person and that there are so many of us that feel this way! It's just at times it makes u feel so lonely!! Thank you for ur lovely reply xxx

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Ohh girl. It's completely normal to feel that way. Don't be too hard on your self. We will receive our peice of happiness sooner or later. Sending babydust your way!! ✨✨✨✨

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I do hope your right I'm praying for us all!! Thank you hunni and sending some your way too 👍🏼✨✨✨

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I completely understand where u are coming from. All of my husband's sisters (in laws) have children which were "accidents". In my eyes they leave a lot to be desired when it comes to looking after them. On the other hand there is me and my husband. The only long term couple, married, jobs, home etc and we have to fight tooth and nail to finalise our perfect family. It's just so unfair. I work myself up every time I hear another pregnancy announcement. I'm like a crazy loon half of the time. I am such a good advice giver and tell people "everything happens for a reason" and "good things come to those who wait". However, I'm s*** at taking my own advice and just flip my lid at every available opportunity. I really do wish u the best of look. Chin up and keep smiling xx

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Hey lovely, you sound just like me! I'm really good at advice and being positive for others but right now I feel like a complete fruit cake loosing the plot!! I just can't handle all these announcements! Friday I thought if this Carrys on I'm going to end up in a home for crazies because I literally cannot handle it! We too have been together a long time, married home ect everything to offer a beautiful baby yet no sign of anything!! It's so upsetting! Thank you for ur lovely message tho! Xxx

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No problem at all. Were In it together. If you ever fancy a chat you know where I am x

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Thanks so much lovely, that's very kind! And same to you xxx

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