Hi - sorry for length of post. Hope everyone is doing okayI am having a bit of a moment this morning in the realisation that next month it will be 4 years since we started TTC.
2019 - started trying naturally. In the 11th month had a natural BPF then miscarried in the 6th week.
2020 - Covid hit. Started IVF about six months after the miscarriage. No eggs collected in first cycle. Tried another cycle, got embryos (!). Did a further fresh cycle. Did 2 transfers from resulting embryos across the cycles - both BFN.
2021 - a further IVF transfer (3rd transfer overall) led to first IVF pregnancy. Baby was very poorly and not going to survive leading to TFMR at 15 weeks
2022 - tried embryo banking for 10 months in and out of IVF cycles. Got 1 PGTA tested in all that time.
2023 - been doing lots of tests to try and give remaining embryos the best chance before trying to implant them (one untested, one PGTA normal)
But I'm feeling very aware of time at the moment and the length of time that has passed since starting this nightmare. I'm now 37 and was 33 when I started trying. Still no living child.
I see lots of hopeful stories on here but personally feeling quite isolated in terms of STILL trying for baby number 1 after loss and after several years, especially with low ovarian reserve (goodness knows what it must be now since it was tested initially).
I wondered if anyone else has been or is on a similar timeline? Anyone still trying for baby number 1? Or anyone that eventually had success with baby number 1 after similar length of time?
Thanks all for sharing if you can relate xx
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Skittles11
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Hey lovely Skittles. I know that feeling I had it like a million times and I still have it. We've been trying since 2016 and the other day I was like "Omg I can't believe we've tried for 7 years and we don't have a child yet".
It's so frustrating, painful, heartbreaking but we can't give up just yet! Sun will start shining on our street too, just a bit more patience. I'm a total and desperate believer that things will work out and nothing can break me until I get what I dream for!
Sending you big hugs, millions smiles and lots and lots of positive vibes! You've got this! ❤️❤️❤️
Hey lovely lady. You sum it up perfectly, it is frustrating, painful and heartbreaking all at the same time. And I go through some phases of "ugly feelings" where I feel jealousy and pain about others successes when they get pregnant or complete their families. I love your attitude and find it grounding, thank you xx
I used to get jealous of others but put some hard work into changing my attitude and now I'm just happy whenever someone is having a baby 🐥 It's like the latest challenge for me, my sis in law got pregnant on their first try exactly the same time I had my last FET and we were going to be due at the exact same week but mine didn't last .. And now I'm so in love with my little niece who isn't even born yet hahaha I'm suggesting names, buying baby clothes when I last saw her baby gave me a few kicks too. I remember the time when this would of broken me down to pieces, but now is the other way around. All the babies around me just make me want to have one even more and I look forward to the day when it will be my turn. The jealousy and anger turned into emptiness only which I can't wait to fill! I don't know if it makes any sense just thought I would share ❤️❤️❤️
In the same boat Skittles11, started in 2018, then started IUI in October 2019 and then IVF in May 2020. Currently 38 going onto my 9th transfer and no living child.
Have felt like I have lost a lot of my 30s trying for my first and would be only child, and don’t see me continuing this into the next decade.
I’m sorry you are probably looking for positive outcomes and they are so many .
It's painful when the time just passes and you feel you have nothing to show for it except sadness. We're in a similar position as I really feel too I have gone through a lot of my 30s trying for a first child, the time passing by is just agonising.
Don't be sorry about sharing as I was looking for people to relate and you did just that - thank you.
I wish you well for your next transfer, although we have different circumstances I know how hard it must be xx
hey skittles, me too. Will be 4 years in November and I turn 36 this year. Dreading my birthday. It’s so frustrating - especially when you see people around you getting pregnant 😔 just know you’re not alone. I hope you manage to find joy outside of this nightmare journey ❤️ don’t give up our time will come xxx
Thank you for your reply and I'm sorry you are in a similar position. As awful as it is to see others going through similar struggles, I feel like it also provides some comfort to know it's not just you. I just worry sometimes that it's something that only happens to others and it will never be my time which is why its so helpful to connect. Xx
I know what you mean, I find it incredibly hard to ever imagine 2 lines or a bump, it’s a strange feeling. But I still hope. I hope one day it will be my turn ❤️ and hearing people’s stories who once felt like us really helps. Makes it feel possible.
Was decorating our guest room today and all I kept thinking about was ‘I wish this was a baby room’ ☹️ it’s heartbreaking. Hope you’re doing ok xxxx
I had started to try for a family from 2018. In 2021 one of the doctors sent me to a fertility clinic and by chance told me to go see an immunologist which I did and they put me on a drip every week according to the vitamins and heavens knows what I needed…apparently I had an auto immune disease and didn’t even know. I tried artificial insemination twice and then two rounds of icsi. The second round produced three eggs. They implanted 2 and I didn’t have much hope tbh … but I was still getting this drip each week…at 43 I gave birth to my baby girl … I really don’t know if this story helps you but if I hadn’t gone to the immunologist I wouldn’t be able to tell you my story. This was such a difficult journey for me but I just wanted to reach out to you and send you love and prayers.
Hey lovely. My experience is a bit different to yours, but you’ve replied to some of my threads before and I just wanted to send you my love, encouragement and support. I really hope it happens for your soon 🤞❤️🌈✨ fertility is so bloody unfair and cruel…there’s no logic to it at all.
We have been trying for our rainbow since 2020, after losing our daughter to premature labour. Since then we have had a 7 week IVF loss (fresh transfer), 10 week IVF loss (FET) and now a BFN (fresh transfer). In that time, I’ve had 10 family/close friends have healthy babies. Three of them are actually now on their second child since we have been trying! It can be such a long, tough, journey but you’re not alone ❤️ xx
Hey, thank you so much for replying and for your support and encouragement. It certainly is cruel what some of us have to go through to even get the chance of having a living child. You have been through so much yourself. It is so bloody hard watching what feels like everyone around us having their babies, sometimes their second babies, whilst we go on struggling down this lonely path. Not to mention celebrities all over the media every day with their bumps and pregnancy announcements. I do find it really hard but some days are easier than others.
I don't know if this helps but it took us 7 years. Came off the pill when I was 30 and was very blasé about not really trying and it will happen... Then after a couple of years we started to have investigations, got passed around a lot and told we were still very young and had plenty of time. I was even at that point considering egg sharing as I was so confident that I would get a lot of healthy eggs. By the time we got to IVF treatment I was 35 and then lockdown happened and everything was cancelled. So we didn't do a round until I was 36. Then it wasn't straightforward forward at all. I did have success on our second round and third transfer but I feel like 7 years is longer than most and possibly because we were relatively young and 'unexplained' when we started, we were at the back of the queue, then as things don't work and you realise time isn't on your side it becomes more urgent. Now we're in the process again trying for a sibling and it's been pretty cr*p. It's a very sad realisation when you look back and think that the best part of a decade has been consumed with TTC, treatment, loss... but I would do it again so I can make peace with that x
Yep, the first two fresh transfers ended before 5 weeks and turned out weren't really doing anything from the start. Then first FET took straightaway. Against my better judgement I just had another fresh transfer and that's ended in surgery at 8 weeks for a pregnancy of unknown location. So I think there's something about my body and fresh transfers that is just not working. That doesn't explain why it didn't happen naturally ever of course - I've had loads of tests and investigations and it's never been explained. Didn't have immune testing though as my doctor didn't seem to believe in it, and the FET worked so not sure that's my issue.
Thank you for this. It most definitely is that realisation that you think back and so much time has been spent desperately trying to start your family. I absolutely feel my 30s has been such a fraught and sad time with huge impacts on so many things but it is reassuring what you say that you would do it all again which brings you peace. I hope one day I will be at that place too. I'm sorry you are going through it all again trying for a sibling, it's all such a tough road xx
hi skittles. My story is a bit different to yours we had been ttc since 2011 started ivf in nov 2017 and eventually made the decision to move on to donor a couple of years ago. I know that’s not the decision for everyone but we just felt we had been fighting the battle for such a long time. The journey is sooo hard I hope you are ok xxx
Hi Boo. Thank you for responding. I had a look at your profile and it looks like you have had a very difficult time too, which spanned across a good few years. I am glad to see you had success in pregancy after going through all of that. I am becoming warmer to the notion of using a donor myself, finding it to be a bit of a process. I have to admit that initially I found I couldn't quite comprehend it but I am gradually getting there I think. If that is my next path should my remaining embryos fail to implant I will surely be reaching out to people like you who can hopefully pass on their wisdom. Wishing you all the luck with the remainder of your pregnancy xx
Hi skittles, you're certainly not alone with he length of time to try and get baby #1. I also have been trying since early 2019 at the age of 39...fell pregnant as soon as tried but missed miscarriage at 11 weeks...followed by absolute crickets the whole rest of the year trying naturally.
Was one day away from starting my first cycle of IVF when lockdown hit and so delayed another 4 months. Three rounds of my own eggs, first two rounds no embryos, 3rd round 2, both transferred and chemical pregnancy.
Took a break to move to donor eggs and used my sister which took ages to organise, got three embryos. Two transfers, one chemical and one non viable pregnancy at 7 weeks, miscarriage.
Had another pause to get my sanity back and then moved to donor eggs in Spain early this year. I am very grateful to finally be 14 weeks pregnant at the age of 43 and 🤞🤞 everything that this is my time.
My sister in law was due same time as me with my first pregnancy in 2019 and so her little girl is always a reminder of how long we've been trying and how old our little boy or girl would've been.
I also know others on here who have been trying for longer. It's not an easy realisation to know how much of your life has been taken up from IVF and ttc 💕
Things can always change direction even after years, although I have to admit we did move to donor eggs to help accelerate that potential shift, especially due to my age xx I know that's not an option for everyone 💕
I'd say don't lose hope but I myself have lost it several times during these last four years. Sometimes even keeping trying without hope is enough until there's something to grab onto xx
Thank you for taking the time to relay your experience. I think back to 2019 and it seems so so long ago, I'd just been for a trip to Australia and was looking forward to startinga family on our return...Little did we know the horrors that lay ahead. It sounds like you've had a lot going on over the last few years and I imagine going through chemical and miscarriage after moving to donor eggs from your sister must have been terribly hard.
I am totally considering the donor route for myself. I remember back in 2020 thinking I'd not be able to accept this but over the last 2 ish years I have had various other experiences with fertility treatments including loss and I feel that I have also done lots of reflection. Still a little way to go for me but I certainly am no longer closing the door on this route. What an incredible route to starting a family it really is. Like you, I want to accelerate the potential. I have two embryos in the freezer which in no way I will take for granted, it took so much to get them, but I am also realistic that they may not work. And I think if that happens my next route will be donor.
Thank you for the positive vibes and thoughts that things can change direction, really appreciate that xx
Hi Skittles,I really feel your pain. It's such an exhausting journey and months and years just slip by waiting for tests, waiting for things to reopen after covid waiting for my heart to heal slightly after losses and the disappointment of those BFNs.
I start in 2016 and said we would stop after 2...then it was before I turn 40 ..then let's just try one round with donor eggs.
I am amazingly grateful that I stuck with it and almost at our happy ending at almost 32 weeks with the second donor embryo. We have one left frozen and for me the combo of donor egg, an immune protocol and adjusted progesterone after ERA have done the trick. But was a long old journey and now 41 years young I'm very aware of how many years I gave to this and will never change the age gap with my nephews.
I wish more than anything that you get the outcome you deserve and sending love, hope, patience and positively your way. You are amazing to have got to where you are today xx
Hi, thanks for your reply, I am super late responding. That's great to hear you had success after sticking with it. I took a look at your profile and can see you were previously having a dilemma between whether to use fresh or frozen donor eggs. Can I ask what your decision was in the end? I have constant thoughts going through my mind about what's next and I am working towards a move to donor depending on what happens next for me. I also think I saw you said you had done immune protocols before but you then had just steroids and blood thinners when you went to donor? Sorry if that wasn't you, am not 100% sure. I really appreciate your comforting words and support at a much needed time xx
We went with frozen eggs in the end. The clinic we were with had a frozen egg bank so was only 3 months wait compared to longer for fresh and we found a donor who felt like a younger version of me! Only got 6 eggs though and 2 of them didn't defrost so very lucky to have got 3 blasts from the remaining 4 eggs. I also know others who got 0 or only 1 blast from 6 eggs so is a bit of a gamble whereas you could do a large batch or fresh and be likely to have more embryos. My OH didn't want to go abroad so that made that decision for us. But then he also said he wouldn't do donor eggs when it was suggested initially but 2 years later after a loss and 4 own egg transfers he changed his mind and warmed to the idea.
It makes sence to explore your options and then you can feel confident you've made an informed decision with whatever if right for you.
There's so many ladies on here with such long and sad experiences but also so much strength, perseverance and support for others experiencing the same. You've been such a rock to others I do hope your happy ending is in sight too.
Hi skittles , your journey has been a long & painful one , it takes so much from you & to have to keep fighting on regaining the strength & hope with each attempt after loss / failed attempts with so much heartache is so very draining. It does make you feel isolated & like life moves on for others whilst we are still in this battle
Ours are slightly different experiences but you know some of my story so far with losing our daughter 2021 & still continuing ivf in the hope for a rainbow baby.
It’s been nearly 10 years for us all in all including all the treatments, operation , pregnancy , loss. As Initially we started trying naturally at the end of 2014 , a few years passed was referred for ivf in 2017. Many ups & downs later we are still fighting to bring a baby home.
I won’t go on about my story too much but I wanted you to know that even though you feel isolated in your personal life , there are so many of us in similar situations so I hope that helps to know you are not alone ❤️
I often feel so distant & sad in my personal life with family/friends as they live their lives raising children as it’s everything we should have had with our daughter. It does make me feel isolated , so i take comfort when others share what they are going through too on here & sands as it really does help to feel part of a community that can support one another.
I really wish & hope you have a brighter future ahead . You definitely deserve happiness xx
You perfectly capture my feelings in your message, and like you I do get a sense of comfort from sharing and learning of others experiences. It is such an isolating time and when that time just seems to be ongoing for so long it becomes more tough because you see many others having success around you and can feel like you are stuck. I love this community because no matter how hard things have become and how low I feel, someone is always there to provide much needed support or reassuring words and understanding. You are so lovely and I truly hope you have the news you deserve in the future xx
Hey lovely, you've had one of the toughest journeys. It breaks my heart that some lovely, lovely people have to go through such trying times and have so much heartbreak and still be fighting on....one of the reasons that I still hang around is I'd love to see others out the other side. I know I'm not around much now buy we took a long time to get our miracles. I met my husband late I suppose. We stopped contraception thinking it will happen so not really trying but knew people that had issues so went to the GP and we started IVF. To be honest it was a flipping nightmare from day 1....if you want to check out my old posts, it didn't go well. We had 9 transfers of multiple embryos over several years and 2 early losses which were devastating. I'm not saying to keep going if you feel you can't but it can happen!! Lots of love & hugs.xxxx
Hi. I read your post and didn't want to ignore as I really resonated with your feelings. It took us almost 6 years before finally bringing home our baby. That was after 4 rounds of IVF (like you I had no viable embryos round 1). I experienced 2 miscarriages and also had low AMH when we started IVF (I was 33 when we started). I know it can feel very isolating and lonely and I really remember those feelings of jealousy (which made me feel worse because I wanted to be happy for people). I hardly spoke to someone friends for years because they were getting pregnant so easily and I missed baby showers and baby's birthday parties because I couldn't face it. I totally understand how you are feeling and I'm so sorry.
What I will say is that my AMH went up and down, which is apparently quite normal. It was low when we started IVF but actually higher by the time we conceived (years later). It might be down to the supplements I was on (I took Impryl) but it can also fluctuate naturally. I was like you, very worried that my egg reserve and AMH would just dwindle with time but it's not an exact science.
The other thing that made a difference to us was doing ICSI rather than IVF. I don't know if this will be relevant with your particular situation but it worked for us. I was also on blood thinning injections (Inhixia) and high doses of progesterone (Lubion injections plus pessaries) for our successful round.
So tough, you've had so many ups and downs. Your 15 week loss must have been unbearable, I'm so sorry. I'm the same age as you and started "trying trying" at the same time and it really does feel like a million years ago that we innocently decided to "try for a baby". In that time we have seen pretty much all our friends have babies, some have had 2, and it has not been easy. I've never been pregnant naturally (unexplained infertility on both sides) but our first round of IVF resulted in a BFP followed by MMC at 8 weeks back in August last year. Our second FET is currently 26 weeks along and I'm hoping and praying to meet her in July.
Sending you all the positive vibes, luck, baby dust, whatever it is that makes the magic happen and I hope you get your good news soon xxx
Please, can I ask you something, I know we are not the same and that things can vary a lot, bla bla bla… but because it’s still recent fir you, do you remember the days after your FET? What symptoms did you start having ?
I am 3 days post blasto transfer and I am doing my normal life. I feel no symptoms at all it’s like no one touched in here…. 😒
I don’t know what is wrong with me! Sorry my frustration again……
It is really hard when you start trying to symptom spot as there are so many hormones involved in the FET that it is hard to distinguish what's what! I think I was pretty normal too, no obvious symptoms other than feeling bloated and emotional because of all the hormones! I tried my best to wait for test day but caved and tested on day 7 or 8. It is so hard but try to just keep yourself entertained and not reach for the tests until test day! Sending you lots of good luck! 🤞 Xxxx
oh Skittles, it’s so hard to keep on keeping on, especially after loss. I am literally about to post something I hope will help xx
hey skittles im the same age and trying for 4 years too so understand. I recently turned 37 and have found it hard being now late 30’s and nothing. You are not alone and I just tell myself one day it will work, we have both come so far and been through so much! xxxx
As I read this, I really feel the tremendous energy(both physical and emotional) that has gone into your last four years. It’s such a tough journey; it completely takes over; and the uncertainty is a big struggle. 💗 I also hear your strength and determination. And I can really relate… especially when it comes to being a first child. I can find it hard when I read about those trying for a 2nd or 3rd, but of course I wish them well 💫.We started ttc in the latter part of 2018 and started IVF in 2021(unexplained fertility issue… although husband away big chunks and my age was not in our side). We had BFNs, polyp removal, miscarriage at 12 wks, told to go back to trying naturally for a while etc… We started our 4th and final round 2 days ago. And, as ever, have been told it’s a numbers game. Weirdly, I’m coping better this round(so far!) as I see an end point. That is horrible too, but I recognise I’m ready for it to go one way or the other. I am 44 now, so my timescale with own eggs is shrinking. I’m in it to win it on a totally different protocol this time and I’ll put everything into it until it’s done. Hopefully with the outcome we so want. 🤞Don’t give up! You are not alone in working towards that first child. 🌸You decide what is best for you and the timescale that will work for you. If you can, book in some treats that are about your own rejuvenation. Sending hugs and best wishes to you and thanks for sharing; you share what is close to my heart too. Xx
Been trying from early 2020! I truly empathise with your emotions as I feel I am in the same boat. Our time will come , sooner or later! We have to be a bit more patient xxx we are doing our best in the situation and fighting towards our dream xx
Sorry to hear feeling like this, in a similar position but no IVF yet 3 natural pregnancies 2 miscarriages and one ectopic. Last pregnancy naturally after waiting for IVF and had a delayed miscarriage last month. Feeling very alone and not positive. Hopefully you get your rainbow baby soon. Sending you hug and positive vibe x
Hi Skittles11... Totally feel you. Trying since 2019. I am now 38. Tried natural, tried icsi.. Nothing ever worked, never been pregnant.Sorry I don't have anything positive to share.
We are giving it one last shot this year and that's the end for us. Reason is that it's taking over our lives and we want to focus on our relationship and careers if this isn't meant for us.
hi Skittles11. Had similar story started at 28 , 4 ivf and 5 IUI with 2 miscarriages and one TFMR at 20 weeks (bilateral renal agenesis) last January. Now I’m 34 so no live babies yet . I have some embryos did pgta testing. It’s a tough journey , Not everyone doing ivf are successful immediately, it’s unfortunately long and excruciating journey for people like us . Take it one day at a time . All the best
I feel the same. 7 years here 7 fails now 40. Unexplained. My friend started trying same time as me pregnant 1st month. Her son is constant reminder of how long we've been trying and what I don't have. Getting fed up now and thinking of going donor route breaks my heart but getting to point just want "quickest" route to a baby now and feel like life is on hold want to move forward x
Since 2017 and never ever a hint of a positive. 5 egg retrievals, 6 transfers and not even a chemical. Lately I wonder if this means I should stop. I relate to the feeling of feeling isolated even in here where as you say many try for number two and me almost 6 years and absolutely nothing, I still haven't seen that second line...for me even stories of painful loss of pregnancy are "worthier" than mine. I feel like a fraud in here. my body can't even achieve implantation, there must something utterly wrong with my reproductive system..
By no means I say that loss of pregnancy is to be envied. Just that how all different experiences result in that feeling of being isolated in infertility.
Although I’m older. Never thought I’d go down the IVF route.. had never heard of DE until I joined the ivf train. I’ve had serveral losses with my OE naturally, never had a positve with my OE with ivf . Then took the huge decision to go with DE.. still no live births.xx
Hi, we've been TTC since 2018, had our first round of IVF in 2021 because of male factor infertility. After 4 rounds (5 transfers) we still don't have a baby. We usually only get 1 embryo per cycle and I'm losing hope. Had 2 chemicals so far.
Hi Skittles, although my story isn’t exactly like yours, I couldn’t help but share my story because everyone in this community has gone through some sort of infertility.
I got married in 2011 (aged 28) and started trying right away, gave birth to my first child in 2016, so 5.5 years later. A couple of years afterwards we decided to try again (2019) and due to my age embarked on IVF in 2021 (couldn’t wait another 4 years!). 4 years later with IVF rounds, transfers, fails and miscarriages, here I am, no further children. Although I do have a child I’ve been married and trying for 12 years, in this period many couples around me have 3 or more children, especially with unprotected sex/IVF, so it’s just not easy for me.
I think what helped and has been helping me is having willpower, determination, knowledge and hope. Never lose any of these. Keeping everything crossed you’ll have your happy ending because we all deserve it xxx
I'm so sorry to hear you're struggling Skittles. You so deserve a break here 😭 You're on of the people I'm always hoping to see a happy post from 😍
It's incredibly hard. The years just seem to slip by when you're dealing with infertility. My journey might have been different, had my husband been on the same page as me from the start (I still thank God every day that he came around to wanting a child eventually - doesn't seem real sometimes). Maybe if we'd tried to conceive naturally for longer, starting when I was in my mid 30s, we'd never have gone down the IVF road. I have to be honest, before we finally fell pregnant naturally last Autumn, I was in the depths of despair and was losing hope that we would ever see a BFP, let alone actually have a baby. At nearly 30 weeks pregnant I'm still not quite convinced, I have to say - I still can't quite believe things will be ok, after the last 7-8 years. It's maybe easy for me to say, as in the end things took a different road, but if it gives you another option to think about I'd pretty much 90% determined on DEs after our last embryo failed to thaw last August. I know it isn't for everyone, and it doesn't mean success of course, but I came around to viewing it as maybe my best chance to be a mother.
I see your willpower, and your determination to try everything you can, and in the end, that's all you can do. Leave no road unexplored, so that there are no regrets. That was -is- my mantra. I really really hope it works out for you Lovely. Sending you love and strength. xx
That is such a lovely thing to say - thank you xx Depths of despair - I have been there so many times but there is still hope and I am open to considering donor eggs.
Hi skittles. We started trying 2019 too. I’m a little older at 39. Only on my 2nd FET as there was alot of investigative testing for endo which delayed our ivf only doing our first egg retrieval in nov, I wish I’d pushed for the ivf referral sooner in hindsight. Sounds like you’ve been through the mill with your journey so far, sorry to hear this x
Thank you to everyone who replied to this post, I truly appreciate your support and kindness. It helps me to read about your experiences and it reminds me (and hopefully others) that I am not alone.
I would love to reply to all of your lovely messages one by one but am aware that it will keep pushing my post back to the top so I will now say a collective thank you to everyone xx
Yep - been trying to have a child for nearly 6 years, in that space of time I’ve seen ppl have 2 children in the space I’ve managed to have 0 which is heart breaking.
I am lucky enough to be pregnant with my final last go we were having at IVF but still looking back I can’t believe how long it’s taken and at times how unlucky we were xxx
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