OIs anyone else in the same boat with trying for a sibling and it just not happening?

[J0J0123]

Hi everyone. I write this less than a week after our last round of IVF resulted in a BFN and I guess I'm looking for a bit of moral support. This was our 5th embryo after my daughter (who is almost 3 and the result of a fresh transfer when I was 34) that has not worked and I'm losing hope, positivity and drive to keep going. I'm 38 in a few months time and we've done all our IVF privately so it's been an emotional as well as financially tough time.

Honestly I never thought we would be in this position as it just seems like however much we try, pray and desperately want a sibling for our daughter, it just doesn't happen 😔 we know IVF works as we had our daughter but I'm struggling to comprehend how it won't work again?!?!

I've had thoughts about changing our clinic etc but I'm a bit daunted to start researching from scratch as there are so many IVF clinics in London and we are already at one of the biggest and most well known. Would it make a difference to go elsewhere as surely the BFNs are to do with the quality/ DNA of the embryo and I've researched a lot about ivf add ons and there's not much evidence any of them actually work.

We are at crossroads for the first time in our IVF journey and I am genuinely stumped on next steps. We have a call with our current clinic next week to discuss what to do next but I'm really losing confidence in them (rightly or wrongly) that we will ever have another BFP. If anyone else has been in or is currently in the same boat as us, I would love to hear your thoughts and experiences xxx

[Twiglet2]

hey I feel the same. We had one round with 6 embryos on nhs with the 4 th embryo bringing us our little boy in 2021. We started trying again a few months after he was born with the remaining 2 frozen embryos but no luck and I’ve now had another 3 fresh cycles and still nothing (a couple of early losses and rest BFNs) and we are just starting another round of egg collection. And I just feel so deflated that it won’t work and wasting money we could spend on our little boy sometimes but at other times I remember that it can and did work and how great that is! I expected it to brazier the 2nd time but somehow it’s more frustrating as it’s worked before so why the hell not now?!! 😭This will be our last round with my eggs and maybe our last altogether (we can decide that after no need for final decisions yet lol) as I’m now 41 and starting to feel like I’ve had enough of the hormones etc and IVF taking over my life since 2017 🤪😝. At your age I would defo keep going though but maybe push for more tests of why it’s not yet working for you. Good luck 💜 and I really hope you guys have a little sibling soon xx

[J0J0123 in reply to Twiglet2]

Thanks Twiglet2. It does help knowing others in the same boat who had tried a similar number of transfers (or more!) and still on the journey. I know there are no guarantees with IVF and I think the frustration is just getting to me. Good luck with your next egg collection, I feel our next one will be the last too! I'm going to ask for more tests as on our last FET it was discovered I had low progesterone on transfer day so I was given Lubion injections xxx

[Twiglet2 in reply to J0J0123]

The lubion injections have really helped my progesterone so hopefully that does the trick for you xx

[McQueeny]

Heya. Like you, I expected IVF to be a bit easier the second time around, and it’s not… true that you don’t have the dread of never being a mum, but it’s still agony, and as you say, knowing it can work makes it so hard when it doesn’t.

Our son is the result of our 3rd embryo (second egg collection). We started trying again when he was close to a year old, we did 2 egg collections and 6 embryo transfers and no joy (one early loss and the others BFNs).

So, I did decide to change clinics. Not because I thought my clinic did anything wrong - I don’t think they did - but I just felt like doing exactly the same again was futile, and maybe a fresh location and new doctor would at least make me feel like we tried everything - I knew our 5th egg collection would be our last, whatever happened (I couldn’t take anymore of the anguish and heartache, and as was said it’s hard not to think of all the once in a lifetime experience all that money could have provided to the child you do have….!).

We decided it would be one last egg collection, and then if no joy either donors or stop. We also decided to go abroad - again, more to feel like we’re doing something different than anything else.

We went abroad, the new clinic did offer a couple of things my old clinic didn’t , even though the bulk of the protocol was much the same - and we got lucky, I’m currently 21 weeks 🤞🤞 (10th ET, 7th since our son was born).

Btw, my son was born when I was 37 and I turned 41 last week… so you’re definitely not too old.

It’s very personal, only you can know what’s right for you and your family. But that’s our story for now….

Good luck whatever you do 🤞💫☘️ xx

[J0J0123 in reply to McQueeny]

That's amazing news, congratulations McQueeny! Thank you for sharing your journey as it's helped me feel a bit more positive today. After so many BFNs following our daughter I've started to believe it would never happen again especially when you go through it and only focus on your own experience and fails xxx

[McQueeny in reply to J0J0123]

Thank you 😊 xx

[MrsOrangejuice]

Yep, I have a one year old daughter from my first FET, that was after two early losses on fresh transfers. Went for another round of IVF when she was about 10mnths old ironically to try banking and it was a total disaster - one egg ending in a PUL and D&C. Just had a FET following exactly the same protocol as with my daughter and that was a BFN. That has really knocked my confidence as I thought if it happened once and everything was 'perfect' again, then something's wrong and I can't fix it. I'm going to try another FET, this time natural or natural modified and if that doesn't work I don't know what to do. I don't like my daughter seeing me crying, plus the financial and relationship stress is not great, and I wonder if I should just stop and concentrate all my energy on her as that's what this is all about. I feel very guilty and like I'm not being thankful enough for what I've got. But my mind keeps asking me what if there's a chance, even a tiny one, of having another her? What if she could have a sibling? I just can't let go of that.

[J0J0123 in reply to MrsOrangejuice]

Hi MrsOrangejuice, I feel the same! It's like sliding doors, the future could be so different if just maybe the next transfer worked! We did the same as you, started IVF again when my daughter was 10 months old and followed the exact same protocol as for my daughter and nothing has worked so far 😔 I also sometimes feel should I be putting my energy into being a mum rather than chasing number 2, but I know my daughter would love a sibling and that's what keeps me going ❤️

[Faith103]

hey,

Yes me! My son is 2.5 I’ve had 4 transfers since him and just no luck. I’m now out of embyros and not sure if I can collect anymore as it’s just so expensive but I do really want a sibling for my son.

It’s such a tough tough situation and so so expensive xxx

[J0J0123 in reply to Faith103]

Thanks for sharing Faith103, yep we are the same! We've run out of embryos for FET and need to go back to a fresh round. We are now deciding what to do, change clinic or stick! Such a tough decision as the current clinic gave us our baby girl who will be 3 soon xxx

[Vik_star]

Hi there, so sorry to hear what you’re going through. The advice I would say is (although I’m sure you’ve done a lot already!) to do a tonne of your own research. We had 2 cycles after our first baby & no joy, so I knew we had to throw everything into our next & maybe final cycle.

I questioned everything (as in wanting to know everything - not as in doubting my clinic), put forward my own suggestions after doing loads of reading (drug type, protocol, timing of aspirin etc), took a lot of supplements after reading It Starts with the Egg, had a super strict high protein low sugar anti inflammatory diet, tried to keep stress minimal, just really went for it. I really loved my clinic & the staff/ consultants which helped, but I made sure I felt in control & was onboard with every decision. I asked for extra progesterone testing just in case, and with the supplements I got myself tested first so I knew my current baseline for vit d etc & could then take the appropriate dosage (the book goes into this), so I was taking all the advice but tailoring it exactly to my body.

It’s hard to do for sure, but I didn’t want to have any regrets & basically treated it a bit like a job! We got our BFP on the last cycle & I truly believe a large part of this is from all of the above.

Happy to give your more details if you’d like. Very Best of Luck x

[l_nop]

Hi, we've been in your position and just wanted to offer a bit of moral support. We had 5 transfers (Inc one M/C) to get our son then for a sibling we ended up having another 4 transfers (inc another M/C). At that point we were nearly broken and to be honest had no idea it would take so long again and so much effort. I also think the loss and trauma of it all is cumulative and it grinds you down. We took a step back. Got some counselling, changed clinics (after grilling the crap out of them!) And went for it on transfer number 5. We now have an 8 week old boy and we're (just) in our 40s.

The toll this journey takes is not to be underestimated and its even bloody harder with a toddler/preschooler in tow. I would take a tiny break. Do some research and really interview any perspective new clinics. You're the customer and by now you know what you want or need. Listen to your heart and gut.

Good luck x