Log in
Fertility Network UK
17,258 members27,699 posts

When everyone around you has babies and your still trying...😞

So I don’t really post on here, but do silently look in and about.

Had a message this morning from a mate. we don’t chat or see each other often. Before she even typed the message I knew what she was going to say I was typing it before her... I am going to be a mama... I was typing your pregnant. It was a moment of when you just know you know right.

As much as I am happy for her she wasn’t trying and knows the woes and sadness we had. She came to our wedding and was rat arsed drunk and smoking and wasn’t even trying and was on the pill as was told she had Pcos....

She said I am due in Jan but only found out in October she didn’t even know she was pregnant at 23 weeks thought she had a urine infection went to the chemis told her to take a test she laughed and it was positive went for a scan and said your 23 weeks 👀

Ironic eh.... the luck of some

Sorry for the moan sometimes you know when that’s not the news you always want peeps to share when they know the struggles.

So being consoled by my niece and going kidsspace ... Sod’s law

31 Replies
oldestnewest

I am so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. One of my colleagues at work started trying about 2 years after I did and within 4 months had got pregnant.. after a weekend of drink and drugs.. and I mean serious drugs. She easily drinks a bottle of wine a day and gets off it most weekends. SERIOUSLY!!

I am a believer in karma, but the older I get the less patience I have for it to come round and work in my favour.

Sending you hugs xx

1 like
Reply

Totally with you.....it’s a hard gmhearing the news over and over again

Reply

It’s so hard. It’s just life though and you are best to quickly take your mind on to something else. Your time will come. The best comes to those who wait. Sending loads of love xx

Reply

I’m so sorry, it’s so flipping hard. 🤦🏽‍♀️ So many friends had babies without trying - it was like they could look at each & fall just like that. It makes you wonder why it cant happen so easily for you 😢

We watched everyone having a baby & wondered if it would ever be our turn.

Really hope your next round brings you you much wanted & deserves baby. I really want to see you get your happy ending. You are so kind & supportive & are due a break!

Lots of hugs lovely 😘 xoxo

Reply

Thinking of you lovely ❤️❤️❤️

Reply

I hear you. It's so frustrating. I don't wish this awfulness on anyone, ever, but when you turn around and people who have puffed, boozed and casually drugged their way through their 20s and 30s just *ping* get pregnant, you can't help but wonder what the f**k is up with the universe. And I have to sit there while a consultant tells me i'm just 'old' (just turned 38, had a m/c at 36 and 37). Gee thanks. Tell Meghan Markle that.

Good luck to you TamTam1 xx

3 likes
Reply

Was it the NHS consultant who told you that? I was told the same at the age of 36... it’s funny how everyone was so worried about Meghan Markle‘ sage and her fertility and she proved them all wrong. I have a lot of friends who conceived in their late 30s or early 40s with no problems so I don’t believe anymore that the game is over after 35.

2 likes
Reply

Yes it was the NHS consultant. I find it quite amazing that age discrimination is illegal in the workplace, but completely acceptable when someone in a white coat says it to you. Who else would tell you you're too old at 36?! What kills me is it just means we're not being viewed as an individual case, just a number. So frustrating, and means the real issue of our infertility goes undiscovered.

1 like
Reply

Well, she was trying to convince me that we can’t conceive because I’m old whereas seemed to have been completely ok with my husband’s antisperm antibodies, very low morphology and borderline motility. Never mind that my antrafollicle count is 26. Yes, you are right about the right to discriminate by medical staff and it’s usually women too! We have gone private and the approach is so much better. We have even produced top quality embryos and the NHS doctor told me this will be unachievable because of my old age! Not pregnant yet unfortunately but fingers crossed we will get there next year. All the best xx

Reply

Ah fingers crossed for you - so pleased to hear you've got a better outcome from the private clinic. I'm definitely looking for a second opinion. And a third. And a fourth if I have to! Good, good luck to you xxx

1 like
Reply

Noooo!!! I’m 35 and a half, and our IVF consultant just told me that I was YOUNG. So ignore anyone who tells you any different! Xx

Reply

That is awful! You’re not old! I can’t believe your specialist said that shame on them, sounds like they couldn’t find a valid reason so blamed you 😡 really shocked by that.

Our fertility doctor when referring me to an endometriosis specialist earlier this year checked my age ( I was 36 at the time) & said we had plenty of time to get this endometriosis sorted & had time conceive before considering IVF ( we’d had a chemical pregnancy so he was hopeful we could do it again, we were less hopeful) ! We meant to see him again after I’d had the surgery, but I ended up falling a month after my surgery & cancelled the appointment as I was 7 weeks pregnant ( I’m now nearly 12 weeks)

My Gran fell naturally at 40 with my mum & that was in 1958-no help then!

It annoys me all the “wrong” people fall so easily & cant usually look after the children they already have 🤦🏽‍♀️it’s very unfair..

Good luck to you xoxo

Reply

Ah that's such a good outcome - and so reassuring to know there are some fertility doctors out there who will look deeper than the most obvious factors. Good on you and such a happy ending xxx

1 like
Reply

Thank you.

We were negative enough going through infertility, we needed a positive consultant who was right behind us,who believed in us, even when we didn’t. He was our rock & we couldn’t have done it without him 🙂

We were so glad to have found him as our first fertility doctor was dreadful. xoxo

Reply

Can you plz pm

What is your dr name and where is your clinic?

Reply

Heyy. We all can understand how you feel that's why we are here to support each other. Same here, everyone around me is pregnant and they all fell pregnant on a first try or by mistake... So frustrating and makes me so angry sometimes.. Im trying to not take it too much but yes sometimes is so difficult and after each announcement gets harder and harder... But we will get there soon, will ve our turn as well and will be amazing! Until that time don't forget you are a warrior, a true super hero who carries so much and still smiles and survives and manages to make everyone happy! Keep smiling and be positive, and if you feel down we are all here for you! Sending you millions hugs xx 😊❤❤❤

Reply

I understand the feeling, my relatives would not share pregnancy news with me, they thought they were being kind.. it still hurt😢

Reply

Thinking of you, just wanted to send a big hug and say life is shite ☹ sometimes xx

Reply

Ahhh Tamtam, sometimes life is just bloody hard and I completely get where you are coming from. Im fairly lucky in the fact that most of my friends have kids but Im already dreading one friend announcing her next pregnancy.....first one is way after I started trying to conceive never mind a second.....and yes Im happy for her two but it doesn hurt any less that said neither would have been a "mistake" but still. Its so unfair that we have to fight so hard for what seems like others have land in their lap! Anyway you are definitely not alone so sending massive hugs.xxx

Reply

I know exactly how this feels, my sister and two colleagues fell pregnant last year ( all by accident ) my one colleague was 5-6 months before she even found out as she went for a smear and they discovered there, she too has Pcos and has irregular periods, she fell pregnant from a one night stand and was drinking alcohol like a fish! I on the other hand was devasted over 3 failed embryo transfers yet my 3 closest girls got pregnant, it was cruel, a kick in the teeth. More recently the day I returned home from surgery, my ex partner messaged me to say our son is going to be a big brother ! That his new gf was expecting! So many mixed emotions, me and my partner have been ttc for 6 years and now I had the news my son was was going to be a brother but not with ours ! He’s so excited and I am excited for him, but it’s such a strange feeling. I feel like the whole world is pregnant, I have awful days where I don’t want to leave the house and others I’m positive and think our time will come, it really is an emotional rollercoaster. Just ride each day as it comes xxxxx

Reply

I know I think today has hit hard home as if my son wasn’t born early he due month would have been this month and almost every woman I have seen today is pregnant or just giving jirth with newborns then as I walked through the shopping centre a last sat with her new born breastfeeding...

Here’s my younger sister sending off her little girl cos she needs a break... am like WTF

Anyhow is what it is we love to fight another day xxx

Reply

It really is Sod’s law isn’t it.

Pregnant women really do seem to be everywhere I go too or maybe I just see them more.

I hope you got lots of cuddles from your niece today (I did the same with my baby nephew and it was just lovely) xx

Reply

I’m sorry your feeling this way, I have days like this too, it sucks. sending you hugs💕 tomorrows a new day 🌈 xxxx

Reply

I’m so sorry, I know how your feeling, I’m the last of my group of friends and will be on our 4th round of ICSI in the new year, currently having a break from it after having another unsuccessful cycle in the Summer. I know it hard, try & stay positive, the only things that are keeping me sane at the moment is excerice, and having things booked in to look forward to!

Thinking of you xx

Reply

Hey Tamtam, this is exactly the right place to get it all off your chest. Big hugs x

Reply

People who have not struggled can't seem to see why news like this would upset someone struggling whenever you hear it would be difficult but some sensitivity would be nice after what ive been through i plan on being sensitive to ppl if i become pregnant again when i was pregnant in the summer i remember my partner saying we will put a scan picture up to announce it and i said no as i know how i felt so many times seeing that

Reply

Totally with you

And have been through that pain

Just sorry you had to go through that

Reply

We’ve all been there...life’s an utter 🤬at times. Thinking of you x

Reply

Tamtam and to all the above,

Some people dont deserve children (those who drink, drugs, neglect their kids etc) whilst others have so desperately TTC for years.... when you are mums you will be better parents than they will ever be. Your time will come.... its when it is destined to, it will happen.

It sounds like you have amazing partners/husbands and i take my hat off to you all that no matter how many years its been that you have been TTC. Your loved ones are there right by your side and that's what matters.

May God give each and every one of you strength, positivity, courage, faith, belief, hope and solace in these difficult times. It will happen. I know it will. Lots of love to you all. You are all amazing women and alot stronger than you think.

My MIL tortured her son for 3 years about all the relatives' (in UK and abroad) news of pregnancy's and births. She never once supported her son or give him hope to say, son it will happen. Instead she made him feel worse. She will hate the fact that im expecting cos she has never really liked me and deep down i know she wanted her son to leave me. God help the woman!

(Sorry, We all have our moans today)

Reply

Congrats on your pregnancy MIL sounds like a bloody nightmare.

U go lady x

Reply

To all us ladies fighting to get our dream... We are super trooper WARRIORS.

To all of you that have had success enjoy those bundles

To all of you in the 2ww good luck

But most of all... KEEP THE FAITH XX

Reply

You may also like...