First appointment done ICSI fertility suggested.. Advice? Time off work? Advice on support for OH?

[JadeH92]

All so fast... a bit of a shock... had my first appointment yesterday, I had my scan my partner did his semen analysis (all ready had AMH and Chlamydia Screening done and got proof of my Rubella immunisation).

Then we was told we can start right away if we want like first cycle all done and dusted before Christmas (potentially the best gift in the world).. I think because we have been trying / waiting for what feels like forever (and I know that I am lucky because in the grand scheme of things and compared to most it isnt a massive amount of time) I was expecting to wait a bit more; so I'm just a bit in shock.

My partner had 1 previous very good semen sample and one just below average sample. So my consultant (who is amazing) suggested because it's NHS funded anyway to go for the ICSI for an over all better chance.

He said I can take medication to start a period on the 5th November then go and from there. Obviously my first thought was yes where do I sign! But I knew my (much more level headed) partner would suggest waiting until the new year... obviously we knew what the appointment was for but by no means did we think it would be offered that fast! We are both very organised and I like to do my research first so I won't have much time for that. My partner is starting a new job role over the next few weeks, we have my birthday coming up, our first year hosting Christmas in our first house, we both still haven't told work we will to go to appointments ect.. So it all does make sense to just hold off another maximum 9 weeks but there is such a big part of me that doesn't want to.

This then resulted in an argument between me and my partner because, he won't talk to me about his worries! I feel awful because I feel like the woman always gets more sympathy anyway (I think people forget the man is experiencing it also) and, I know he doesn't want to add stress on to me by him telling me what he is feeling. However, we are going through this together and I want to support him as much as he is supporting me!

So thanks for reading my life story 😂 and, basically any advice would be greatly appreciated on;

*ICSI in general? Success rates? Attempts ect.

*Expected time off work following egg collection as well as transfer?

*Support/How to get my OH to talk to me or support groups about his concerns?

Thank you!

[Hidden]

Hi. I know what it’s like when it’s all so new and info overload! I’ve just finished my first round with ICSI which sadly wasn’t successful but that was more due to egg retrieval than the process itself

I found that all the things I was worried about like injecting etc were actually ok, life carried on as normal and none of it was as difficult as I thought. I even did two work trips to America including injecting on the plane and in office toilets!

The collection was painful and I worked from home that day and the day after. I was really sore and tbh lay around more than worked! Transfer day was a doddle.

The 2ww was worse than any other 2ww. You have so many twinges and cramps you could go bonkers over analysing things. That was the bit that we both found most tricky as my OH just didn’t get it at all. He bottles up all his emotions and I found his lack of empathy a real struggle. He just kept saying stop thinking about it!

ICSI success is generally about same as normal IVF, there is some risk of damage to eggs during fertilisation. 2 of 3 survived for us

I think I would try and keep your life as clear as possible of other stresses whilst you go through the cycle. In hindsight I did far too much and probably should have just looked after myself more. I personally would wait until January

Having said that I am about to embark on week 2 in the most stressful month of my work year and likely to have collection on the last day of the financial year which is the most stressful of all! So not listening to my own advice 😂🤣

Good luck! happy to chat if you have more questions xx

[Hidden]

Hi.

Woo hoo. I would want to get going asap. The most important thing of all is to be relaxed and not stressed. So think about you both and when that might be. My first round was a January after starting a new job and hosting Christmas. I don't think looking back that I was that relaxed. And I probably over indulged over the festive period too. So no no no to alcohol over festive period whatever way you go.

So icsi is basically when they inject the sperm straight into the egg so it has less work to do and you are more likely to have success when the sperm is less.

Time off? The day of egg collection definitely as you are drugged and cannot drive. This also takes about half of the day before you can even leave the hospital. I did not have any more pain than mild discomfort but some people have a lot of pain.

Transfer day - transfer takes about 10 minutes and usually you need to be at the hospital about 1 hour before hand. Whilst it is the single greatest most important and momentous part of the whole experience it is rather quick.

After that you can go about your regular business for 2 weeks until you test.

What you have not asked about is prep up to egg collection. You will have to inject yourself for a period of time up until egg collection and transfer. This will need to be at the same time every day and on the lead up you will need to go for internal scans to check your follicle development. This is to allow planning of collection and to ensure you don't get ohss or have no eggs to collect. They will adjust the drugs as you go through to prevent both of these.

The scan appointments are usually first thing in the morning. So you may not need time off work for those. And oh doesn't need to be there - although it does make him more part of the process if he goes.

Good luck with your decision making. It can be quite a shock when the opportunity comes out of the blue so quickly like that. If you do delay then hubby needs to drastically change his diet before sperm collection day. Diet can have a huge hugs impact on sperm. So again for him healthy healthy eating. Trying to get lots of colour into the diet. No beer or wine etc. Definitely no smoking. And try to reach 9 portions of mainly vegetables with some fruit each day. Smoothies in the morning can really boost your intake. I like beetroot, carrot, ginger, rice milk, blueberries, Apple or banana, some kale or spinach, radish, pomegranates, chia seeds and spirulina. If you have a nutribullet even better.

Good luck xx

[Lovefood1984]

This was me this time last year......we got told we could start immediately (after 10 months of appointments and tests etc.) and were a bit floored. We decided to start in the new year (had a lovely 3 weeks relaxing over Xmas selfishly drinking and doing what we wanted, it really isn’t that bad waiting 😉) with an NHS ICSI round, worked first time, currently 38 weeks with my first and 3 frosties in the freezer.

The IVF wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be, injections once you’ve done a couple you become a pro (and actually after 5 weeks it becomes weird to stop doing them!) a bit of bloating from the meds as my ovaries got stimulated. I had 1 appointment for doing a dummy transfer during down reg (due to slight issues getting the tube in during the hsg test), 1 downreg scan, 3 follicle scans during stimulation (some women do need more), then EC on a Monday where I decided to self cert for 5 days, could have gone back after 3 as there was no discomfort anymore but you get phonecalls at day 1 to let you know how many fertilised and on day 3 whether they want you back in that day depending on how your embryos are doing and I didn’t want to have to take that call and work and then nip off, we ended up with a 5 day transfer anyway which for me luckily fell on a Saturday, had Sunday and then went back to work for the week before bloods on the following Monday where I worked from home and got my BFP phonecall.

Obviously everyone reacts differently to these things, and I’m so lucky it worked first time, it really is up to you when you start but I’m not sure I could have taken Xmas with a failure (I’m pretty sure it’d feel worse than a normal BFN as you know for certain something ferlilised went back rather than the real monthly unknown) although it is totally up to you and your partner so do whatever feels right for the both of you. There is nothing stopping you both trying naturally in those 9 weeks either 😉

On the support side you are entitled to free counselling which may help your partner, other than that I don’t have much experience as we coped quite well I think so didn’t really need to explore this route.

Wishing you all the best for your first round! x

[genten]

Well that is a surprise! So good to be able to get started but as you said timings, new job and wanting to do some research etc.

I would go for ICSI if your consultant has suggested it as they will want it to work as much as you do.

Time off I had - egg collection 1 week which I didn't need for egg collection itself as I felt ok after 2 days but I injured a muscle in my back.

Transfer- I returned to work next day. Totally regretted that and for any future transfers I will be taking 2 weeks off depending on annual leave etc. I understand some people prefer work to take their mind off it but I couldn't even work I was so worried.

Does your partner have anyone that he speaks to other than yourself? Maybe a family member or very close friend? That may help especially if he doesn't want to put pressure on you but ideally, it would be good for him to speak to you. Have you though about specialist counselling?

Wishing you lots of luck. Xxx

[Billywhizz10]

As a husband who went through IVF with ICSI, blokes just deal with things very different from women. We don't like to talk about our feelings, and he'll be hurting, male pride, that he even needs ICSI and his sperm aren't super sperm from the gods! I know I did.

You could tell him you would like him to come counselling with you, insist it means a lot to you, and let the counselor let him talk, that's the only way it worked with me. Your IVF doctor should be able to hook you up with counselling.

Trust me, asking him to talk to you will just seem like you're nagging .

Best of luck with your cycle

x