Feeling Emotional- 1st Failed IVF Cycle.

[KirstyC90]

Hi everyone,

I haven't posted for a while. Had first fresh cycle of IVF over the summer, got a positive pregnancy test but then on the second day back at work I miscarried.

It was a month ago yesterday and while working is doing a very good job at keeping me busy (stressed and anxious), we had a weekend away and I have come back and started feeling low. Every Sunday since I feel like I don't want to get up and go in the morning and picture myself hiding somewhere. I have thought about saying how I feel truthfully to my boss, but I don't even feel like I can. They knew I was having treatment over the summer but I haven't told them about the miscarriage. I rang on the morning as I was setting off because I had a migraine and couldn't see. I didn't say why though. I usually get them before a big oestrogen drop.

I've put weight on too. I lost loads for the treatment and since I have just been eating whatever and feel like I've put loads back on which worries me for next potential treatment. Just feel like I need a break from it all and I know I can't have one. The impact of it all feels like it's only just hitting me. Ectopic pregnancy, loosing my tube, other side being under developed followed by another miscarriage of many. Urgh, so sorry to moan, I just don't know what to do xx

[Barbara1012]

Hey lovely, am so sorry xx

Take some time out, reset, work on your weight if it will make you feel better and either have a few months off or focus on the next cycle. You need to take care of yourself xx

I also failed my first cycle - didn’t quite get to test day. I did hide for a bit, ate loads, and just took it easy and feel better for it. Just waiting to start a FET - with AF who was meant to be here today but clearly can’t be arsed just to annoy me.

(Get a sick note and hide for a bit, honestly it was the best thing I did, I couldn’t face work or anyone really) xx

[genten]

So sorry to hear your story. I can only imagine how you've been feeling.

I had a bfn a few weeks ago (totally different to a miscarriage I understand) and I went back to work a couple of days later, then the next week I had to have a week off sick. If you've not had chance to process everything then I would suggest some time off, time just for you when you can do all of your thinking and not worry about anything else but yourself, I know thats not the answer for everyone and wouldn't normally be for me but in the circumstances I'd say you deserve a rest.

I have also put weight back on to my disappointment and I will need to shift it in case I am weighed before starting next fresh cycle of ICSI. Don't beat yourself up about the weight as have lost it before and can do it again.

I hope you can start getting back to you soon.

Xxx

[KirstyC90 in reply to genten]

Thanks. I’ve just emailed my boss saying how I’ve been feeling. I hope she’s not cross I’ve emailed at this time. I said I find it hard to talk as I get emotional and then everyone starts asking why when you go back looking all red and puffy eyed! I feel slightly relieved though having told the truth about how I feel rather than struggling on xx

[genten in reply to KirstyC90]

Aww good for you. Are you taking some time off?

That's the thing, people ask but they never say the right thing (if there ever is a right thing to say with IVF). My colleuges who know ask some stupid questions at times and it really annoys me but they need to know so they can do some of my duties when needed.

Always better to get it off your chest and work will still be there next week and the week after that. You are the most important right now. Xxx

[Linds150]

So we had our second miscarriage this year in July. It’s devastating.

I did the same, took 1 day off, then threw myself into work. Keeping busy was helping . I thought I was coping really well ... up until the point I burst into tears and completely broke down during my 121 with my senior manager! As it happened I had a weeks holiday shortly after that. Just to the coast. The quiet was what I needed in the end. I spent everyday sat in the ocean, looking out to the horizon. It calmed me. It’s hard to explain but just being in that quiet, with no one else in sight, helped me process the loss.

I don’t suggest you go swim in the ocean in October! But maybe you need to go away with your other half, somewhere quiet where you can both just stop and take a breath?

Be kind to yourself, it’s ok to not be ok xx

[sandra788]

I'm so sorry you are going through this... I really understand what you're feeling right now. I came to this forum after I had my m/c. I feel that I'm so lost and empty. I've been trying to get pregnant for 7 yrs. I tried everything I could. IUIs, finally we tried IVF… I was soo happy to get pregnant! I was not expecting to lose it.. Feeling so sad!! My heart breaks when I hear story like this... I know once you get pregnant, there’s a baby there inside of you... It’s your baby... Sorry if it seems like I’m venting. It just hurts me so bad... Some people don’t understand what we go through. They’ve never experienced it. So it is easy to say things that will hurt our feelings. But here on this forum we know how it really feels. We find comfort from each other… Thanks to all of you ladies. Hopefully you'll find comfort & be strong.