I saw a psychotherapist, not a specific one for fertility but one I had access to through my work. I felt it was helpful as a way to develop the coping strategies I already had whilst I waited for my next steps. I also found having a plan very helpful- for us it was a final round of ivf and then adoption. We went to an adoption information evening which was useful, but Iām now 27 weeks pregnant from that final round of ivf.
Thanks both. I have had 10 sessions of therapy through my private health cover towards the end of last year. It was CBT related but I didnāt really find it very helpful
I took sertraline for 5 months and found it to be of some help although had some negative side effects so weened off on Docs advice around 5 weeks ago.
Lizzielizzielizze congratulations!! We have started the adoption process but had to put it on hold as we are renovating our house at the moment and canāt continue on that road until all the work isnāt done as they need to do a house assessment x
Oh and can you access any online adoption training whilst you are getting the house done? When I went to the alternative families show someone there was talking about being able to do training online as part of the preparation x
We were told that we need āmore interactionā with young children. Might sound stupid, but in my circle of close friends we have never had children and now one is pregnant. My sister (I was adopted- long story) has two young kids but we live opposite ends of the country and barely speak so very little āinteractionā is an issue apparently. Did anyone say that to you? Also if we do decide to give IVF another go we have to wait til 6 months after that to even start the adoption again x
Iām an infant teacher and we have small children in our close family so we werenāt really in a similar position, I know thatās not helpful to hear. Did they have any suggestions about how you go about gaining more interaction? If you have any time off during the week maybe you could think about volunteering in a school nursery or similar?
Iāve got an app called headspace that has a bit of that stuff on but I could just never really get into it. I donāt know if itās just me or maybe itās not for everyone??x
Yeah I tried that too and didnāt like it. I searched on you tube for sleep meditation and persevered with it for a while. Now I listen every couple of night and can actually relax quickly. Hope you find something that helps you.x
Funnily enough sleep is one thing that doesnāt get effected too much. Personally I think itās because I fall asleep to the tv so my mind isnāt left to think. I struggle to sleep if I just get into bed and try and sleep straight away
Your clinic should offer fertility counselling as part of the package. Maybe go back and ask them about it. This whole thing is so difficult. I have been on the ivf journey for 4 years now. It took me so long to gel in between sessions. Wishing you all the best xxx
Yes we are 4 years into our ttc journey now. Trying to decide if we can afford the 3rd round. My main concern is that they say āunexplained fertilityā yet 2 failed treatments in no further answers. What more can they do than what they have?!x
We paid a lot of money for more tests and did get answers, but it really was a lot of money. We felt like paying for another round of ivf without having the tests was throwing good money after bad though. My story is in my previous posts and the tests we had were Chicago tests level one and two.
Never heard of those will look them up thank you. I feel like I donāt want to spend more money unless itās warranted like you said. Will I find out Ā£Ā£Ā£ online?x
I find refuge in Buddhist philosophy. I have read books by Pena Chodron and Tara Brach and been meditating daily. I know this is the way to go for me. Iām so sorry about your failed cycles. The experience of infertility is certainly extremely hard. I hope you find the way that can reduce your suffering xxx
Do you have a support network of other women going through this? Have you been to any support groups. I would definitely recommend finding something like that if you can. Itās so important and helpful xx
I started an Instagram account last night (I donāt do Facebook) just for Infertility etc etc and Iāve found that helpful even in just 24 hours. I donāt physically know anyone who has gone through this in my circle of friends. I know of people but I guess thatās different x
Hi OlsonM, itās so hard being on this journey and I totally know how you have felt. I have been on this journey for 5 yrs - 4 miscarriages and one failed ivf now considering donor eggs. It takes time for you to emotionally cope with everything thatās going on- it affects your work, your relationship with your partner and your whole life- I wasnāt coping very well after my 3rd miscarriage and went to counselling- it really helped, until my next one happened! I have turned to 5 elements acupuncture,itās not the traditional type of acupuncture but you can definitely feel the stress,,tension lift from your body almost immediately. It does wear off of course but I am definitely finding it my lifeline - as well as one of the other ladies said - having a plan of the next steps rather than being in limbo. Pm me if you would like more info. Look after yourself and make sure you talk to someone - whoever it is as bottling up feelings isnāt good - or even writing stuff down on paper I find helps too. All the best and I hope the cloud lifts very soon for you. I think this process makes us all a lot more resilient women, donāt be too hard on yourself, do things you have always enjoyed doing and concentrate on yourself for a little while- then make a plan. Wishing you all the best.
I havenāt ever achieved a pregnancy in the 4 years we have been ttc. Misscarrying must be awful, I honestly canāt imagine.
Iāve had acupuncture for other medical things with my back and found it very unhelpful. Also my phobia of needles doesnāt help!! Again I wonder if like meditation, is it something that some people just canāt seem to get their heads into? Really pleased that you are finding it works for you!
I never realised the effects of the treatments till about part way through my 2nd cycle. Iām not one of these women who always wanted to be a mum. I only decided about 7 years ago I wanted a family, a couple of years after I met my husband. We decided to have some āusā time and get married and then started the ball rolling (so to speak). For some reason I always thought I would find it more difficult but said I would never do IVF as if it wasnāt meant to be then thatās it. How wrong I was!! We tried for a year with nothing then I was sent for all the tests possible and came up with nothing. Then IVF was mentioned. As I said we did two cycles and had successful transfers both times but they couldnāt āselectā the best embryo as each time we only had one xx
Good grief. Firstly give yourself a massive pat on the back for being such an incredibly strong woman and getting this far. You have been through an awful lot so it's no wonder your mental health is suffering. I've been TTC for 18 months and it's been an incredibly stressful process (physically and mentally) and just recently I thought I was heading for a mental break down if I didn't sort out my head. Given you are 4 years down the line, I salute your resilience.
My advice, echoes everything that has already been said:
-Get some counselling. Lots of people have said this. I personally think it's useful to go to someone with fertility knowledge. The medical centre / hospital should have given you counselling but if it's not included in your plan / cycle, I'm sure they will have access to them. You said that you have had CBT but was this specific to fertility I wonder?
-I second meditation. I do this every day without fail. Whether it's CALM, Headspace or just listening to some relaxing music it needs to be done every day. Your head needs to be able to shut off from all the noise. Just 10-15 mins (more if you can spare) but just whatever you can fit in to your day.
-I've had a lot of fertility accupuncture which has helped with the stress levels and they will treat me throughout my IVF cycle. If you're not keen on that idea then reflexology or massage? Something just to help you relax.
-Focus on the house renovations. If you can't adopt at the mo anyway because of the house then you can throw yourself into getting your house just perfect. This gives your head some time off from fertility worry and more time to focus on soft furnishings
The very fact that you have addressed the issue on here is a massive step forward. Thinking of you and keep us posted.
Really is helpful to hear peoples stories. Iāve read lots of these āblogā type things over the years but never ever posted anything.
18 months is still a long time and definitely enough to effect your mental health. Baby dust and fingers crossed for you!
My main frustration is the āunexplainedā part. Even today I went to the GP after my mini meltdown yesterday and they just gave me sertraline again! I explained my frustration and I was just told āsometimes they just donāt knowā again!!
I understand they donāt always know but surely thereās more that should be done to find out?! Otherwise why ask me to pay 10ās of thousands to have treatment t but not know what they are treating? Sorry that was a bit of a rant!
Do you know the reasons for your struggle?
Iāve got the headspace app but canāt get to grips with it. I do listen to music a lot - all different kinds, but I find songs stuck in my head and go over and over
I have back problems so I canāt have massages (Iām told they are amazing!) and never really looked into reflexology. To be honest Iāve never really ābelievedā in holistic therapies
The house is so bad at the moment we canāt live there ha! But yes Iām focusing as much as possible on all the positives about it. Sometimes the mind just turns anything into a negative thought and even the great things get pushed to the back xx
Oh yes, believe me I know how it feels when everything is negative!! It's very hard to see the wood for the trees. I have amazing friends and family who I talk to. At first I didn't want anyone to know what we were going through as it's so personal. However it's obviously been a while now and you have got to have an outlet so make sure that you are talking to someone. Now loads of people know and I feel like I can talk about it. Also people start to relate to you with their own struggles and experiences too which helps.
I couldn't get on with Headspace either (no idea why) which is why I downloaded an app called CALM which I love. Lots of tips about lifestyle, healthy eating, stress, relaxation etc. If you don't fancy that though then often I just listen to music without words (think spa music) which is also very calming. Then words wont get stuck in your head either. I very much believe in holistic therapies as a calming influence. I would have thought massages would be good if you had back problems?
We don't know why we can't get pregnant either. We've both been tested for everything and all fine. I am having a hysteroscopy tomorrow as my endometrium is perhaps a little thin (but maybe not!) and they are just seeing if there is anything else amiss. Are you happy with your clinic / care? I don't think we can give specifics on here about who we're being treating with but it's really important that you feel like all bases have been covered. The first hospital I went to for fertility treatment I really didn't get on with so I promptly went back to the GP and got referred to a hospital I wanted to go to and is near work. Obviously diet, exercise, weight etc etc are all key but I was starting to get obsessed with it all so now I'm just trying to be 'normal!' I totally totally understand your frustration.
Thanks for the lovely message. Sorry to hear your in a similar situation. Hope the hysteroscopy goes well today though
Yes Iāve followed the CALM thing on instagram so I will give that a go. Music without words is also a good idea, thanks
Our close friends know about whatās happened and our immediate family but thereās only really my mum that understands as she struggled (Iām adopted) before eventually falling pregnant after failed IUI
I think the constant questions can be a bit much from friends sometimes- obviously they do it because they care but sometimes I donāt want it to be all I talk/think about and with each stage of the cycle having 10 people to update was stressful when sometimes all I wanted to do was speak to no one
We have considered not telling anyone if we do a 3rd round but Iām not sure if that would happen realistically
As for the massages yes generally they are good for a bad back but I have lots of metal work in my spine so itās not as easy really. Can cause more pain than relaxation
I think we were happy with the clinic as in what we had heard etc but the admin side was a bit crap. Had to chase stuff up and call a lot. Not sure if itās the same at every clinic but the end was always just tick this box on this piece of paper (pregnant or not pregnant) and send it in at the end. Then after that they wanted to know if you were having another cycle. I just feel like I canāt do more than the maximum drugs x
Oh gosh I totally know what you mean about all the questions. Itās so hard and you donāt want to be quizzed all the time by everyone so you start not to tell people.
Yes totally agree re admin. Has been rubbish our side too!! So so hard stay strong.
Nothing beats getting professional help but in the meant time or between appointments, I recommend the podcast Miracle Happen Fertility Podcast. Itās by a Dr / psychotherapist specializing in infertility... she herself went through the experience. She gives lots of techniques and tools to help with mental aspect of treatments
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