First failed IVF/ICSI, any advice - Fertility Network UK

Fertility Network UK

27,786 members39,222 posts

First failed IVF/ICSI, any advice


Hi everyone,

New to the forum here, decided to join after finding out our first IVF/ICSI cycle failed.

Bit of a back story but I've been pregnant before, unfortunatley due to pre-term labour I lost our little boy at 23 weeks. After trying again for 2 years amidst a lot of frustration and worry we were referred for ivf.

The cycle went fine, I was super nervous and quite scared so when the time actually came around the process wasn't too bad. Unfortunately, i noticed spotting at 8dp5dt which turned out to be AF, the cycle was a BNF.

Im 29 and we needed treatment because of my husbands sperm quality, however by the time treatment came around his numbers were improving and so I guess i just assumed it would work, I put all my faith into it.

I'm just feeling really sad and quite lonely at the moment and thought perhaps it would be good to hear other stories to help restore my faith. We are due a follow up in a month to discuss FET, we have five frozen. Any advice/suggestion for our appointment. Is there anything I should discuss with the consultant.

Any advice would be much appreciated. thank you x

22 Replies

Hi, I am so sorry to hear things didn't work for you - I also had a failed ICSI on the first round although I haven't got anything frozen so need to start at the beginning.

It sounds like although this one didn't work you are actually in good shape with 5 frozen, and I suspect they may say that there isn't a lot they would have done differently. With my follow up I talked through the whole process and where things could have been improved but sounds like you got plenty of eggs and embryos, and quality wasnt an issue.

So having started answering actually I am hopeless I haven't really got any advice of what to ask! But I am sending you hugs anyway and hope round 2 is heaps more successful x

Hidden in reply to Daisy1245

Hi Daisy,

Thanks so much for your message. To be honest, I just needed to feel like I'm not the only person in the world going through this (although I know that's totally not the case) IVF can be really isolating and even though I have a very supportive group around me, you really can't relate unless you're going through it yourself.

I realise now, after going through a relatively straightforward cycle, its more the mental effect it has on you and I find it hard to think about anything but this.

I know its not the end of the road and we are fortunate to be able to try again, fingers crossed.

I'm so sorry it didn't work out for you the first time, it really does feel like a major set back. Hopefully round 2, is much more positive for you. hugs x

Daisy1245 in reply to Hidden

Hey I totally understand, and feel free to message me if you want. No one really understands unless you are going through it, and I dont know about you but I found the injecting ok because I felt like I was doing something but as soon as the 2ww started it was awful that you couldn't influence anything. I can also see having had a good embryo back and no real reason why it hasn't worked you would be completely floored by it and it must feel all hopeless

Take some time to grieve for what might have been and then when you feel ready pick yourself back up and try again. Not many people get first time lucky, and there is an element of luck to this process. I have really good feelings that you will be celebrating your BFP on here in no time. xx

Hidden in reply to Daisy1245

Thank you so much. I feel so much better and lighter having read your messages. Sometimes the world feels really heavy but its good to get perspective and to be reminded that I'm not the only woman in the world going through this.

I really hope it works out for you. I noticed you've started round 2. I have everything crossed for you.

Out of interest, how long did you wait to start your next round? The nurse I saw last week, said they like to wait three cycles, which apparently doesn't include my current AF. I have to wait to see my consultant next month, but that seems like such a long time. I just want to put this behind me and go straight in. x

Daisy1245 in reply to Hidden

I was allowed to start first period after failed cycle bleed - my cycle is normally bang on 28 days but period came late so it was 5 weeks

I had to keep going as felt i needed to feel like I was doing something positive. We have decided to have a break of at least three months if this one doesn’t work and try and get back to some semblance of life before ttc just to try and be ‘us’ again. I miss the person I was before I got pregnant and had my MC - and I miss our relationship too xx

Hidden in reply to Daisy1245

I totally understand that feeling. It’s been a week since our bfn and I’m ready to go!!

Although my husband thinks we should wait the three cycles.

I just want to get on with it. Feel like I’m wasting time doing nothing.

It does take over. Suddenly nothing matters except this. I miss who I was before all of this turmoil. We’re thinking of going away during Christmas, maybe it will help. Really hope it works out for you. Keep me updated x

PS - does your clinic provide counselling. I definitely recommend it. I bottled stuff up and slowly went bonkers and then had a proper meltdown at a counselling session and felt like a new woman afterwards x

Hidden in reply to Daisy1245

They did suggest this. I tend to bottle up and go to a dark place on my own. But I think I need the support and might just have to find the strength to ask for help. x

No success stories here yet to restore your faith. I’m just about to start another fet, it will be transfer no.6 for me. I had a miscarriage 10 years ago then I’ve had 2 bfps (resulting in mmcs) and 3 bfns so I do know how you feel. I hope that’s of some comfort to you.

Good luck for your fet xx

Hidden in reply to Tugsgirl

Thank you.

I’m so sorry for all that you’ve been through. It’s such an awful space to be in. I feel as though this cycle has really knocked me back. Perhaps I was too naive in thinking it would be the answers to everything we’d hoped for.

I’m still optimistic but also realistic about our situation. I just feel very unlucky at the moment.

Thanks again for your message. I hope that you’re on the road to finding your happiness. This journey is never easy x

Tugsgirl in reply to Hidden

It still could be the answer you’re hoping for... We’re all a bit naive when we start ivf. Don’t be too hard on yourself xx

Hidden in reply to Tugsgirl

Thanks lovely. Have a good evening xx

Oh sweetie I hear you I am in totally the sams situation. It was our first ever icsi cycle and I was adamant it was going to work first time because my boss went through it and worked first time for her so I just assumed and not being horrible as nothing wrong with me why wouldn’t it work. We got our BFN on Friday it’s been awful. I am just so up and down but we will get there and it may mean getting our miracle takes a little longer but all be worth it in the end xx big hugs to you xx

Hidden in reply to Elle32inz

It’s so disheartening. I am so sorry it didn’t work out for you this time. But you’re absolutely right, we should stay positive and focused. It will happen and it will all be so worth it.

Stay strong!

I know it’s still early days but have u thought about what’s next for you? X

Elle32inz in reply to Hidden

Yes we are definitely going to try again. I want to find out if we can do a more natural cycle of IVF. Going to take a few months out also to do some research and get my mind & body in the best possible position. We didn’t have anything frozen which again felt like another stumbling block but the human body is complicated and we were lucky we had 1 to transfer so got to be thankful xx also want to do NHS as we paid privately but don’t have anymore money to do that again. What about yourself? X

Hidden in reply to Elle32inz

That sounds like a good plan. At first I just wanted to go straight back in, but having had the time to really think about it, I think we might give ourselves a short break.

We’ve been advised to wait three cycles. We have frozen, so if all goes to plan it will be an FET. How did you come to the decision that you want to try a natural round?

I don’t really know enough about what happens when you’re unsuccessful, I think I was very naive going in. I’m not even sure if a full ivf cycle is using all the embryos you have or if we will have to pay privately now. Guess I’ll know more in our next appt. x

I too know how you are feeling I had a failed icsi on September. Our reason for needed icsi is also due to make factors (retrograde ejaculation) but I was also very naive and thought it would work as my tests were all normal. I bled at 8dp5dt also and felt such a failure and desperate to find an answer for the fail which of course I couldn't find.

I'm just at the start of my FET 2ww

I'm trying to be positive but can't help have a niggly worry that it will fail also even though it feels totally different this time as it's been a natural FET without meds although clinic decided at transfer to put me on pessaries following the early bleed last time. Today I have had some mild cramps which is probably down to the pessaries but can't help panic xxx

Hidden in reply to Leannefb

I am so sorry it didn’t work out the first time but I’m praying you get your miracle!!! Congrats on completing the round. I think we definitely deserve awards for going through this! Hopefully it’ll all be worth it in the end.

Hopefully the cramps are a sign of things starting to get to work.

Did you decide on a natural FET yourself? Any advice on what I should discuss with my consultant in our follow up. Hope it all works out for you x

Leannefb in reply to Hidden

Consultant gave me the choice of natural or medicated I asked which was more successful and he said they were both the same and as I have a regular cycle we both decided on giving natural a try. I tried to get an answer and solution for a few things but mainly for why I bled early and consultant told me that if we did a fresh transfer in the future they would use both pessaries and injections for the progesterone. I was basically told it just wasn't the right embryo and that not all embryos make a baby. I wrote my questions down and made sure I got to ask them all even though consultant skirted round most of them and didn't give me a straight answer. Well done on getting 5 frostie that's a brilliant number we only got 1 and consultant did say that if we had to start again they would harvest my husband's sperm another way to try and increase successful fertilisation. Good luck with your follow up appointment xx

Hidden in reply to Leannefb

Thank you! I’m going to try and give myself a little break, but every moment I have, I seem to be googling failed ivf.

How was your weekend and how are you holding up? I found the wait the hardest part of the process, but I did binge watch lots of television and was all round lazy! Hope it’s as good as can be. Wishing u all the luck x

Thank you. I have kept myself pretty busy this weekend. I even put the Christmas decorations up with a lot of help from hubby I wanted to do them whilst I still have hope. Stupid as it sounds but AF is due at the weekend and whilst I'm praying it doesn't arrive if it does I certainly wouldn't feel like starting Christmas.

If sperm quality is the issue, I would advise to find out whether or not additional procedures such as PGS NGS or ICSI will increase your chances. x

You may also like...