Complicated Grief

[Foodie23]

Hi ladies,

This next post is just my way of trying to understand what I'm feeling. It deals with some of the more complicated feelings I've had in the hope of connecting with some of you who have felt similar. Any clarity you could provide would be greatly appreciated.

I feel like I've lost something, but I can't figure out what it is. Somehow there is something I felt I had that I don't have anymore. What I do know is the one thing I've wanted most in my life I can't provide. The one thing I should be able to count on, that's been literally programmed into my body has failed me and I don't know why.

I feel like I'm grieving something, but I don't even know what it is. It's like trying to grasp onto water. How is it possible to feel so sad and not even know why you're crying? How can I heal when I can't find the source of this bleeding?

I feel like I've lost something, but I can't figure out what it is.

It's been almost a month since my subfertility diagnosis. I have a good support network including weekly counseling and in general I'm feeling good and optimistic about this next step in our journey through IVF. We've given ourselves time to process and regroup before starting strong with IVF in December.

I'll end by saying how deeply appreciative I've been of each and every one of the kind comments I've received from previous posts. I may not always respond, but please know you have helped me to feel less alone and have truly made a difference in my life.

[Hidden]

Foodie23 I can totally relate. I feel like I am and have been grieving for something that I have never had. After almost 4 years of TTC and 4 failed IVF attempts I feel that my dream of having a family is further away than ever. I have never been pregnant so it feels strange to say I am grieving for something that has never been there in my body. I have one more attempt and although I want to feel positive, I also do not want to get my hopes up again and fall into the black hole which has happened before.

It's great that you are having counselling and feel supported. To feel in a strong position before starting IVF is definitely the best position to be in. All you can do is be there for one another. I really hope your treatment works and wish you all the best xx

[Kari55]

Hi Foodie23, the emotions can be so complicated. I have realised some time ago that I have lost my spark and even the ability to dream. I guess this is how our brain works to help us to survive. I’m finding a lot of peace in meditation and practicing radical acceptance. These are my ways of reducing the suffering. I’m sure you can find yours too. I wish you lots of luck with the IVF. X