BFP but struggling to feel positive

[Mogwai_2]

I had IVF back in August that resulted in a MMC at 9 weeks in October. Following a 6 week wait to get my period back, my Consultant suggested a FET with 2 of our 5 remaining frozen blasts on my first cycle post miscarriage. We weren’t expecting this to be an option, but decided just to go with it. I am now 5 weeks pregnant!

However, I had spotting days 5-8 post transfer and while I have had 2 blood tests to check HCG levels which were more than doubling within two days (over 1900 on day 19) I am still worried it’s all going to go wrong again. I.e. I’ll get to my scan, which we’ve decided not to have until 8 weeks as that’s when the embryo stopped growing the last time, and there will be nothing there.

I feel totally different this time, in that I feel fine. I know I’m only 5 weeks, and last time I had moderate OHSS, but having no discernible symptoms is freaking me out. Coupled with the fact I am on top-up progesterone (it was a natural FET) which may delay a miscarriage happening if it’s going to.

I’m going mad I know! We’ve had wonderful news at the end of an awful year and I should feel joyous. At least we know now my body can get pregnant (more than once), but I just can’t relax! Is it just me or is this normal for anyone that has miscarried before?!

Any tips and/or reassurance gratefully received!

I guess in the end it’s a horrible waiting game...and having vocalised here how I am actually feeling has in itself helped me somewhat. I’m too scared this time to even tell the family the ‘good’ news.

[Hidden]

Congratulations on your BFP. I know exactly how you feel and totally normal to feel like this.

It’s nearly a year ago that I had my 8 week scan to find out there was no heartbeat. We had FET in May and I’m now 33 weeks.

I had these fears all the time early on and still do sometimes. I worry we are not going to get to hold our baby but the fears are less. I had two big bleeds at 6 weeks so we ended up having scans every week until 12 weeks and that helped me a lot. Once we got to 12 weeks I relaxed a little and then so on further along we got.

Symptom wise I had hardly anything at all. All I had was needing the loo a lot and extreme hunger from 8 weeks and tiredness but that’s it.

I don’t really have any advice on how to relax because I was a nervous wreck even with the scans but I just had to keep telling myself if it’s meant to be it will work out for us.

Really hope your scan goes well and 2018 is your year xx

[Mogwai_2 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much and I hope all continues to go well in your pregnancy.

I am trying hard to hold onto the fact that many friends, that have not endured IVF, have experienced miscarriage and gone on to have a healthy baby. Miscarriage is not unique to us IVF’ers. Therefore, there is light at the end of the tunnel for all of us, whether IVF’ers or not. You are (soon to be) proof of this too.

[E_05]

Totally ‘normal’ to be feeling the way you are - I felt exactly the same and unfortunately it ended in more heartache for me but I’ve heard many positive stories of women going on to having healthy pregnancies after miscarrying.

I don’t think there’s any real advice on how to stop worrying, everything we go through makes us more anxious.

Wishing all is well for your scan xx

[Mogwai_2 in reply to E_05]

Thank you so much.

I know you have had a horrible time and I hope 2018 brings you what you are hoping for. Just hard to pick yourself up from the floor yet again, as I well know.

I’m not sure I was really emotionally ready to be back on the IVF-horse, so to speak, but I’m not sure I ever would have been. Gearing yourself up for a further hormonal rollercoaster and highly probable disappointment is never easy.

Wishing you luck for whatever you decide to do next.

[E_05 in reply to Mogwai_2]

Thank you, we’re having a small break and hopefully going for our FET March/April after a hysteroscopy. Your right about the IVF rollercoaster it’s hard getting back on but equally hard doing nothing. Hope the time goes quick for you xx

[Tugsgirl]

I’m probably not the best person to offer you advice in this situation but I just want to wish you luck. I think the way you’re feeling is perfectly normal xx

[Mogwai_2 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you, and it’s reassuring to feel normal!

I know you and your husband have had a truly shitty year and I hope, as I do for us, that 2018 is your year.

I will follow with interest your miscarriage clinic updates.

While I’ve only had 1 miscarriage, when I got my BFP, my Consultant agreed to put me on aspirin, some injection for minimising the risk of blood clots and prednisolone which is an anti inflammatory. While the injection is leaving me black and blue apparently these things won’t do me any harm even if I am not predisposed to these factors having an impact. At this stage he said rather than him testing me for stuff, to simply take these things.

I hope you get some strength, comfort and reassurance from your appointment.

If I do miscarry, my Consultant has agreed to allow me to do another fresh IVF stimulates cycle where we will genetically tested then freeze the embryos and use 2 of our final 3 blasts for transfer within that IVF cycle. I hope we don’t need to go there, but feel a plan is helpful, if somewhat clinical!

We’re both seemingly in the same boat with an ability to create lots of frozen embryos but fears about their viability given our history. May be worth considering also, as the only real difference in cost between FET and full IVF is the stimulation drugs (assuming you’re not on an NHS funded cycle of course). If your last frosties work (fingers crossed), this could give you something in reserve for a second child. I know, right now I’m sure like me you feel that having 1 would be an absolute miracle!!

[Tugsgirl]

Hopefully you won’t experience another miscarriage ever again. I hope that this is your rainbow 🌈 baby.

Yes we’re nhs. All my hopes are now pinned on my Tommy’s appointment in January and our last two frosties 🙏🏻 If I was doing another fresh round then I would opt for pgs but we’ve weighed up pgs on our frosties and we’re too afraid to take the risk.

Good luck xx