Struggling to cope with brothers good news

[Silvercloud88]

Just received news late tonight that my brother and his wife are expecting twins ..... I feel so desperately sad and angry as it has been easy for them as pregnant only a few weeks since marriage TTC) and they already have another child (unplanned early in relationship) .....

so conflicted as whilst I want to be happy for them .. I can’t help feeling that it’s unfair ...

... don’t feel able to share these emotions with anyone other than those close to me xx

Any tips on how to cope would be appreciated x

[emu2016]

Awww, Silvercloud, that must be tough for you. What I’ve always realised in these situations is that I am happy for them; not even deep down. I’d never wish anyone to go through what I have ... it just blinking hurts! And it’s so unfair!

This is acceptable. My bff told me she was pregnant before Christmas and gosh was I pleased for her (first baby was ivf so this was a shock!) but when she left I cried. I cried for me; us; and all the injections I faced again.

So some tips... pretty sure you’ll get lots from this lovely bunch on here... but mine?

(1) Tell your brother if he doesn’t know. Not that it will change things massively and you don’t want him/wife to change behaviour but it’ll mean they’ll understand if you’re a little sad or distant at some points.

(2) Be two people... sounds weird. But I find it best to slap my ivf warrior face on when faced with friends, family or colleagues news. Then when I’m with people I know I’m a safe environment.... I scream, stamp my feet and cry. It’s ok to do this.

I don’t think it ever gets easy...and if I remember your journey has been pretty bumpy... but I just think you learn to live with it by putting coping mechanisms in place. xx

[E_05]

I can relate to your post so much, my brother and SIL announced their first pregnancy Christmas Day, a month after we’d been told we’d never have children naturally. I found it hard but gritted my teeth and enjoyed my nephew keeping hope that soon it’d be me. They then announced their 2nd pregnancy after my 3rd IVF was unsuccessful I think all the emotions id held in for years boiled over and I ended up explaining to my brother just how hard it is.

Like you I was happy for them and wanted to enjoy spending time with my nephews but I knew there’d be certain things that would be to much, I’m not sure he fully understand but I felt better for offloading how I felt.

Maybe you could speak to them both about how your feeling and what your going through. Also I’d say don’t feel guilty if there’s time you don’t feel strong enough to go, ie the maternity ward when the babies are born. This is a tough journey but remember you have everyone on here for support to xx

[AJJ123]

Lol it’s really tough because I’ve probably done the worst thing by avoiding them completely xx

[hdd1sm]

Completely understand, we’re in the same situation and it seems so unfair. When we got told they said things like “didn’t think it would happen this quick” I just wanted to scream at them! I don’t think there is a right way to deal with it, if they don’t know what you are going through then it’s hard for them to be sensitive to the situation so if you were to tell them that will help them understand a little why this might be hard for you despite you being happy for them. To be honest we haven’t shared what we are going through so have been a little distanced from them, which I’m not beating myself up about too much it doesn’t mean I’m not happy for them it just means I’m having a bit of a tough time right now. My sister in law is a bit of a hypochondriac so when we hear her complaining of every pregnancy symptom under the sun so early on (pickle cravings at 4 weeks?! Come on?!) me and hubby have a little chuckle about it in private! Your time will come and these tough times will be a distant memory xx

[Hidden]

Hey

I feel you just found out my husbands 21 year old daughter is pregnant....

We don’t get along and he isn’t overly happy about it but it still hurt 😞.

You just find your coping method not everyone will understand why you fell this way because they don’t walk in our shoes.

Doesn’t make you a bad person just human and aching for something hat comes easily to some...

Big hugs hun x

[BonnieCH]

Hi Silvercloud,

I feel you. I'm in a similar situation, brother announced his gf of 6 months was pregnant last year and they had only just started to try.

At that time, I'd just had an op got endometriosis with ivf being our next step (follow month, after the pregnancy reveal)

I've found it incredibly difficult with the gf not being sensitive to my situation but the same as mentioned above, we always put on our brace ivf faces in public then I will have my little cries when alone.

I think as long as you've got supportive friends and family who really understand you'll power through. As that's what we do on this rollercoaster!

Best of luck with everything X

[Hidden]

This was me last year and I remember being totally gutted , angry , crying and arguing with OH loads but glad I got it all out in the open !! Our nephew was born and I just love him to pieces can’t get enough of him and all that anger just melts away so u will get through it , we are still on our long journey and have just started IVF things will get better with time !! X

[CheshireKit]

So sorry to hear you’re facing this. I don’t mean to take anything away from your brother and SIL but I know how hard it is when it’s been so bloomin difficult for you to have this happen in your life. It seems so unfair.

I’m in the middle of a round of ivf with DE and last week one of the ladies in my team announced she’s pregnant and of course it was a happy accident(!). My first thoughts were ‘why not me’ and ‘of course you just fell pregnant by accident, like tripping over a lace’ but i had to put on the public show and give her a big hug and ooh and aah over her news with everybody else Because I’d already started the treatment I made myself focus on thinking positively ‘that’s going to be me next’ although my mind did then wander into ‘if this round doesn’t work I don’t think I’ll be able to cope with her being pregnant’.

I think it’s always going to be hard dealing with other people’s baby news but all we can do is to try to flip it into a positive about ourselves - that could be you soon - or if it’s just too raw yet I’d advise distancing yourself for a bit to protect your feelings.

Sorry for rambling, I don’t know if that’s helped at all, but just wanted to let you know I feel your pain and am sending big hugs xxx