How am I meant to feel? Ttc taking it... - Fertility Network UK

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How am I meant to feel? Ttc taking its toll

kirstyblue
kirstyblue

I am currently staring at my unbelievable amount of ivf medication that I am due to start in a couple weeks and my sister has just broken the news to me that she is pregnant. I am a complete mix of emotions right now!

Please help me snap out of my sadnesses and bitterness at what’s meant to be a happy time. Why am I like this!

21 Replies
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Firstly, all your feeelings are normal, your happy for her but sad for you. Its a horrid horrid feeeling and i wouldnt want this journey on anyone. All i can say is be happy for her, concentrate on yourself and where your going. And one day soon you will be announcing your pregnancy. You’re just startinh your cycle and dont need any negative or unwanted energy so please focus on you and forget about others and where they are. This helped me a lot through my journey, ive never been a bitter or jealous person until fertility hit me right in the face but I soon learned that we just want our baby and millions and millions of babies are born all year round so i cant hate the one thing that makes the world go round. Chin up my lovely this could be your time xxxx

Oh lovely, there is no way of politely saying that it is a bit of sh*t sandwich. I was in the same spot a few months ago, my sister in law announced her second pregnancy just as I was recovering from a laparacsopy which led me to stay in hospital for a few days with an infection. Loooking back at my reaction now - I may not have taken the news well ( toys were most definitely kicked out of the elusive pram). I’ve mellowed out of it since by focusing on what I am doing and can say I am happy for her and looking forward to meeting my new niece/nephew.

Pregnancy news are such happy occasions but it makes it hard to hear when we’re having to go through this. It is normal and completely understandable BUT - that big box of medication will help you get there too and I can’t help feeling that’s when it’s your turn to announce your pregnancy news it will be even more special 😊

Destiny’s advice below is really good and true - stay focused on you and be positive. We are all here for you lovely xxx

It’s very difficult. I’ve been trying for 4 years. My brother and girlfriend told me they are pregnant at the end of last year when I was starting ivf. That’s all my family talked about and was so difficult. I was happy for them but just couldn’t have anything to do with it or talk about it. I’m still the same. It is horrible x

I just find it unreal how easy some people seem to have it. It’s going to be even harder because I’m so close to my sister and I’m going to probably hear all the time about how she’s feeling etc. I just feel shit. I’m trying to keep myself nice and calm and happy just before ivf but I’m not relaxed at all at the moment. This heatwave is not helping because I’m hardly sleeping! Xx

Hidden
Hidden

Ouch. That is tough. My sister in law annoucned her 2nd pregnancy the weekend of our failed IVF after she had tried for 3 months....I felt numb.

It is even harder with your sister as I presume you are closer to her.

Does she know anything about what you are going through?

Allow yourself to feel the emotions you are feeling, it is totally acceptable. Under different circumstances you would be 100% happy to focus on your sisters news.

Xxx

kirstyblue
kirstyblue
in reply to Hidden

She knows everything and she said she was very worried about telling me because she knows what I’m going through. Obviously I put on the usual brave face and was al happy for her but as soon as I got off the phone to her (she doesn’t live near me so wasn’t a face to face conversation) I just cried. The timing is pretty bad to be honest because I could do without feeling bitter and down about life when I’m weeks away. I’m starting to panic already..what if it doesn’t work first time..or even second? It’s going to kill me xx

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to kirstyblue

I think for us we were preparing ourselves for 3 rounds. That took the pressure off mentally to be honest. But it does work 1st round for so many people!! We were just pessimistic...

I am glad she told you over the phone so you could process it without being face to face.

It is so hard - my brother has 2 little ones that my parents are totally obsessed with.....it is especially hard with your sister. I really feel for you.

Hopefully it is a success and you could both be pregnant together - that would be amazing.

Xxx

kirstyblue
kirstyblue
in reply to Hidden

We only qualify for 2 rounds, one fresh and one frozen so it absolutely has to work. I am terrified of seeing a BFN. Being pregnant with my sister at the same time would be amazing but I’m so scared it’s not going to happen. I really need a massive boost right now. I am hating on life right now and this is not where I want to be weeks before treatment. How can I just relax? Xx

Hidden
Hidden
in reply to kirstyblue

I would say just try to find things that you enjoy - definitely only hang out with positive people in the coming weeks of treatment.

Best of Luck!!

Once you start you will be kept busy with the treatment :)

Xxx

Hi Kirstyblue

I was also blown away by all the medication I realised I’d be taking and had no fridge space left for food or anything else. Daunting but also promising was how I felt. Friends have gotten pregnant around me while I’ve been TTC (4 yrs) and through IVF and it’s been gutting. I’ve tried to be happy for them but as I’ve gone further down the IVF path & had failed cycles it’s become increasingly difficult to be around them. I’ve kind of withdrawn from them as a way of protecting myself. So I guess what I’m saying is I know how you feel, your emotions can feel all over the place and your life and relationships fundamentally change whilst you’re on this at times f*cked up journey.

Look after yourself, don’t judge yourself and your reactions and best of luck with it xx

kirstyblue
kirstyblue
in reply to MsZen

Thank you for your message. Up until I found out my sisters news I was actually excited to start but it’s just been a slap in the face. I feel like the most bitter person in the world right now. Being an auntie will be amazing but I want to be a Mum!!! I feel like I spend my whole life watching people get their happy endings whilst I never get mine. Where are you with your ttc journey now? Xx

MsZen
MsZen
in reply to kirstyblue

I know - being auntie isn’t same as being mum! Life can be horribly unfair and I guess for those of us who have been able to achieve their goals through hard work and determination this is 1 area where we have to resign ourselves to luck/fate/chance or the gods! Not something that comes easy!!

Bitter is fine - don’t judge yourself.

We’ve been TTC for 4 yrs and have unexplained infertility. Although honestly 40 yr old eggs as well as low AMH and ovarian reserve don’t help. Tried almost everything under the sun, acupuncture, hypnotherapy, fertility diet, supplements, giving up the booze I could go on....

We’ve had 2 ICSI cycles and on each attempt only got 1 viable egg. Both times they were fertilised but in first cycle didn’t get past 1 cell stage and in 2nd cycle had transfer but started bleeding heavily at day 12. It’s been bloody harsh. Consultant is now suggesting natural cycle plus low FSH dose have plus very frequent blood tests and scans to see if my body can do better job than embryologists in selecting good egg.

Chance of success =7-9% = not getting my hopes up

Sorry for essay. I hope your journey gives you your much longed for happy ending!

Xx

Firstly, feel however you feel. All feelings are normal and okay. If you shove them away they will probably bubble up again somewhere. So definitely give yourself the time and space to be pissed off, upset and everything else.

And then my advice would be to do something for you to help you feel better. Something you enjoy and makes you feel happy. For me, it’s taking the dog for a walk, getting out into nature and away from people.

I bet it’s really hard with it being your sister, and there is no easy way for her to tell you, or for you to react.

My best friend was scared of telling me about her pregnancy, and I was appreciative that she did it from a distance (over the phone) so I could put down the phone and feel all the mix of emotions. They do ease up.

Best of luck for your treatment, you’ll feel happy again soon. I just know it! 🍀 xx

I felt the same when one of my close friends fell pregnant last year but it’s so different that it’s my sister and at this stage of my ttc journey. I want to try yoga but I’m trying to find classes near me and I’m struggling to know which one would be the best.im nervous about trying this on my own but I really really need something to help me relax and it is something I probably do need to do without my friends or anyone I know. Failing that, il wait till after work and have a glass of wine haha. Work doesn’t help either because I’m not happy in my job. I’m not happy in anything right now. I’m just falling apart xx

Yeah, not going to lie the timing is pretty shitty. Definitely not an easy situation and I really feel for you. x

Yoga sounds good! Go for it and try out some classes, if you hate it you never have to go again, but if you like it then that’s perfect.

I really sympathise with your situation around hating your job. I stuck it out in a job I hated for a long time because it had good maternity pay and I felt like it would be too much stress to start a new job at this time. But then I thought “F it” I’m not going to wait around unhappy for something that isn’t happening (yet). So I quit my job and found something else and it was such a good thing for me to do for my mental health. Let alone my career. I’m not saying that’s the right call for you, you’ll know what’s best for you. I just appreciate it’s a really shitty time. Sending lots of thoughts and luck your way. Xx

Thank you for your message 💕 I’ve had a good cry, vented to my partner and my mum and I think I’ve hit the point where I’ve tired myself out and I can’t cry and stress no more (I hope). The jobs not the worst ever, it’s okay...but a very hard place to be when I’ve got so much going on in my head right now. It’s so difficult to try ignore what’s going on in everyone else life and just concentrate on my own.

What do you do to relax? Xx

Just wanted to send you some love 💕 I hope you’re feeling ok.

I know it’s so hard when people announce their pregnancies! Stay strong and try to keep positive (although realise it’s easier said than done).

I’m due to start my long protocol FET meds on tues so we’ll be going through our cycles at the same time. Fingers crossed for BFPs for both of us 🤞🏼🌈xxx

kirstyblue
kirstyblue
in reply to Caza2009

Thank you. I think it’s starting to sink in now and I am feeling slightly better about things. Just want to get started now. Is it your first or second round of ivf? 🤞💕 xx

Caza2009
Caza2009
in reply to kirstyblue

I’m glad you’re starting to feel a bit better. Just try to stay as positive as possible (although sometimes easier said than done)!

It’s our first frozen cycle, but we had a fresh cycle which ended with a BFN a couple of months ago.

What protocol are you starting? My ET prob won’t be until end of Aug, so 2WW at beginning of Sept xx

kirstyblue
kirstyblue
in reply to Caza2009

Second time lucky 🍀 🤞 I have 2 chances..1 fresh, 1 frozen then I don’t really know what happens x

kirstyblue
kirstyblue
in reply to Caza2009

My baseline scan is on 1st August and EC due to be 13th..no idea when ET will be x

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