Just wanted to introduce myself. Here is a little about me...
Hoping to make a few friends who are going through similar experiences along the next stage of my journey.
I have had two failed cycles of IVF for unexplained infertility with a previous partner 6 years ago and a third failed cycle in June 2018 with my new partner. We have been told that egg donation could be an option and are currently working through our options and what is right for us.
I have so many questions about egg donation so would love to hear from anyone who is going through this too.x
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Hope4usall
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Hello and welcome onboard! I'm sorry to hear about your troubles with failed IVF... I'm on the same boat as you are. Only after 2 failed attempt at IVF my specialist does not think donor-conception can really help me as there's more than eqq quality responsible for the persistent failures. Unexplained infertility to the extent of IVF failures suggest the normal way probably won't work. Have you had your embryos PGS tested? How old are you and your SO? In case you haven't there's still a chance that the problem could be chromosomal. However, if the Dr. insists it's best to work on considering donor conception. I can't help you with real life experience but only things I've picked up over voracious online reading. You can either go with a bank, clinic with own donor pools or appoint a private donor. The banks are not really liable if the cycle fails... but some clinic offer liability in case the failues are due to the eggs you borrowed. Private... there's too much load on dillemas if you go for that... legal contract, health check blah blah blah. If you ask me, it might take a little time to find the right clinic though but then that's the best way to go for donor conception.
Thanks for your message Katty_Holz and thank you for the welcome!
I am 39 and my SO is 35. There are no problems with my SO. We never had any embryo's good enough for PGS on the last cycle as that was the plan. We only got 3 eggs, 2 fertilised but were average quality 3CC ( not sure what that means!?). We have been given the option of trying with my eggs again but i'm not sure how much we can keep putting ourselves through without doing something different. I have never thought my egg quality is very good and have always had eggs that were average quality. I know you can get a BFP with this quality but it's never happened for me.
We are curently with IVI Chester and will probably stay with this clinic but go abroad. They have good success rates and we have had a positive experience with them so see no reason to move.
I have been struggling with donor conception being our next step. I do feel it is the right one for us, but it is still overwhelming and upsetting to think I will never have a biological child. I can cry at the drop of a hat... in work, in the car, anywhere. I worry about what the potential child with think of being from a donor egg but not being able to trace them? I worry about bonding and feeling like it is mine. The concept of epigenetics has helped me with that though.
What is your next step if you don't mind me asking?
Hi there, I don't insist on moving clinics as well provided you're satisfied with them. I didn't know they consider the quality of eggs for PGS. It's a cost added an optional thing ... so in my case, we wanted to go for it in the second round so they simply went for it. Mine were 5-day BBs and BCs though; however, in spite of the screening, it didn't help much. Yes, it's right that egg quality is something that might or might not affect the conception. But if that's the only problem in your case, have you considered talking to your specialist about medication that might just help. Well, I'm no expert, just a fellow struggler you see... and pick up from experiences I had or read others have been through. In several contexts where it was only egg quality responsible, DHEA or CoQ10 has proved to be an effective corrective measure for some women.
We're going on with TTC just like that, hoping for miracle. Dr has suggested that donor conception probably won't work, I still might try my luck.... so it's gotta be either surrogacy or adoption. Haven't planned it out thoroughly on which way to move yet.
Hi Katty_Holz, I haven't spoken to the consultant about medication. We got so few eggs and they were both the same quality that I don't hold out much hope for any improvement, but I might discuss it in our next appointment in a couple of weeks. Thanks for the advice, it's really appreciated. I have my fingers crossed for your miracle too and wish you every luck x
I’m in a similar position to you, having had two failed cycles of ICSI with absolutely no understanding of the reason they have failed (I know it’s a high stakes numbers game but that doesn’t really make it any easier to get your head around!).
My husband and I are now planning a third round in a few months after a bit of a break from it all but I am tentatively considering egg donation as with a low AMH feel that our problem is possibly my egg quality.
It’s an awful lot to get your head around though isn’t it! Sorry I can’t offer anything new at the moment but I’d love to hear any advice too.
Wishing you lots of good luck on this difficult path xxx
Hi Franco81, I'm sorry to hear about your failed cycles. Not knowing the reason its failed is so frustrating as nothing can be fixed. DO you know the grading of your embryos from your previous cycles? How old are you if you don't mind me asking? My AMH is also low 5.5 and I feel the only problem is egg quality.
It is very difficult to come to terms with moving on and almost 'abandoning' my own eggs. It feels sometimes like i'm giving up on my body. At the end of the day though I want a family. My partner and I could try several more rounds of IVF with my own eggs, which may waste money and time. I think there probably comes a point for everyone where they say 'enough is enough. Time to stop and look at other options.' My partner and I want to start a family now and start enjoying life as a 2+1, not desperately trying and trying for years, draining us, our hope and money! It puts such a strain on you as a couple and is so so difficult emotionally. It's time to start living again in my eyes and I feel for us egg donation is the best option. Thats as far as I am up to really... we have just made this decision. We have not moved any further forward than that. We have a consultant appointment on the 27/7/18 so will see what he says then. I don't really know what the next step is? Finding out about the clinics? (we know we are staying with IVI but there are several in Spain to choose from) talking about donor selection? Not sure how it works if i'm honest. The Donor Conception Network is good and I have been doing a lot of reading. Good luck with your journey too, hopefully we can continue to follow each others journey and provide support.x
Hi Katty_Holz, I haven't spoken to the consultant about medication. We got so few eggs and they were both the same quality that I don't hold out much hope for any improvement, but I might discuss it in our next appointment in a couple of weeks. Thanks for the advice, it's really appreciated. I have my fingers crossed for your miracle too and wish you every luck x
Hey, Im currently doing DE cycles. My AMH was 7.19 and I was 38yrs when I started with my own eggs. I'll give you a brief history (you can look at my profile/posts for more detailed info). Our first cycle a disaster and out of the next two we only got 3 blastocysts and this was after using DHEA at least 3 months prior to cycles...it didn help but not enough. We felt that something needed to change....we dont have an endless pot of money (as not many do) and decided if we were going to have better chances at having a family then moving on had to be done. Im not gonna lie, it was hard thinking that a baby wouldnt look like me but then who am I kidding, even with my OE they may not look like me....I just have to look at my hubby and sister who are nothing alike! Anyway we are having DE treatment in Athens and ot turns out the egg quality thing was proved right....mine were rubbish. We got 6 top quality blastocysts from one cycle. Unfortunately out first cycle didnt get us a BFP and that was with a hatching blastocyst and fully hatched blastocyst. Hopefully heading for transfer again soon! Best of luck with what you decide. xx
Thanks for telling me your story. I have everything crossed for your next transfer soon!
How did you feel making the decision to move on? Did you or your partner struggle? I am coping very different from my partner, wanting to talk to good friends and family, and him, but he just wants to think about things on his own. It was hard initially coping differently but i am learning to give him the space to think without me bombarding him for his opinion! It has helped. Did you worry about bonding and how you would feel when the baby is born? I also worry about how the child with feel when they are older and can't trace the donor? will they resent us?
How have you found your clinic in Athens? We are with IVI Chester at the mo, and think we might stick with them and go abroad as long as the prices seem ok.
Sorry about all the questions! I have so many of them! x
Thank you! It was a hard decision, the epigenetics thing helped a lot....I read a really good article which I will forward on. I spoke to a lot of ladies on here and they helped too. I just know that once I hold my baby I wont think of anythng else, I really cant see bonding being a problem. Its a weird one to explain really, just a gut feeling. Also see the ladies Ive spoken to having their babies and talking about how in love they are....it just all makes sense!
We have friends that have a double donor little girl and they have armed themselves with books to let her read from young....reads in the manor that mummy and daddy wanted you so much and a kind lady gave them an egg so they could have a baby and they were so happy etc. There is quite a lot of guidance from the donor conception network on telling the child if this is the road you go down.
My hubby was all for DE from day one, I think seeing how much our friends love their little girl helps and we have friends that have adopted twins and they dote on them too. However had the shoe been on the other foot I think there would have been a bit more persuasion required.
Im really pleased with my clinic, their care and their communication. I got recommendations from another girl on here for my clinic, she has a little boy now and another girl who has a girl....both first time lucky! Another girl that I recommended the clinic too is pregnant too. I think it is happy to be confident and if you like your clinic and can do the costs then it seems reasonable to stay with them.xx
Ah thank you, failed cycles are heartbreaking especially when there are just no answers. We had 5 eggs collected on our first round, 3 fertilised then one grade 5AB blast transferred on day 5 which sounded brilliant to me but obviously then nothing! The second cycle we got 6 eggs, two fertilised normally and three atypically (which I still don’t fully understand) then one grade 3BB blast transferred on day 5 again. Neither time have we had and good enough to freeze which, when added to the relatively low amount of eggs is what has made me consider it’s the quality of my eggs.
I’m going to be 37 on Sunday!! We’ve been trying 3 years now although hadn’t used contraception for 3 years prior to that so our fertility journey has really taken over my life now! My AMH was 6.3 about 18 months ago so not sure what it is now.
We are thinking we might try one more with my eggs but I totally get what you say about just wanting to start our family any way we can and not potentially wasting time and money if there is something wrong in there that we don’t know!
It was interesting what katty_Holz said about PGS testing, I think it might be worth looking into. Also I’m gonna check out the donor conception network, I literally have no idea how it all works so I’m just trying to get my head around it all at the moment really. It’s a lot to accept I think but could be the right move for us.
I’ve followed you so please keep us posted on how you’re getting on and I’ll do the same.
Thanks Franco81, We opted for PGS in our June cycle but they have to be a certain quality I think to biopsy them. We only had two that fertilised and they were only average quality, so it made sense just to put both back and hope for the best, rather than messing around with them. If there had been a few more to choose from we would have gone with it.
As well as the donor conception network I am on Fertility Friends forum, however I feel like I have read everything on there and so needed a change. Might be worth a look though.
Do you know what the grading means? Mine were 3CC.
I will follow you too and we can see how eachother get on!
Happy birthday for sunday! :0) Hope you have a lovely day x
Ahh thank you! We are having a crazy time at the moment aside from IVF, we’re buying my mother in laws house which was gutted by a flood so we’re currently rebuilding and decorating at every spare second, due to move next week but it’s not ready so I think my birthday might be a painting party!
I’ll have a look at those other networks, I really want to be aware of my options and understand as much as I can so we don’t waste any more time. That makes sense with the PGS testing though, I did mention it at my most recent appointment (we visited a new clinic a few weeks ago) and he didn’t want to do it so I assume it’s because I don’t have lots of eggs to play around with.
I’m not 100% sure about the grading although I think the number refers to the size of the blastocyst, between 1-6 (five being a hatching blastocyst where it is beginning to break through the cell wall to prepare to implant and 6 when it’s fully hatched). If it’s not at that stage when transfer happens though I’m sure it still has the potential to do so (my friend had twins with two 3CC’s!) Then the letters are to do with the quality of the two parts within the blastocyst with A being the best and I think they like them to be between A-C (it’s like school all over again!). But I’d ask your clinic as I’m only saying my understanding of it which might not be quite right!
Hi I just wanted to tell you my experience I was 42 with very low AMH 2.8 and I was getting pregnant naturally but all early losses sadly, 6 in total. One last try was IVF and after much googling and appointments with different clinics I went with “natural” ie mild IVF, I just thought it was worth a mention as it was unintrusive and although I ended up with only one egg, day 2 transfer, it worked for me. Of course everyone’s circumstances and opinions are different I just wanted to share that mild IVF worked for me x
Hello and welcome! I’m in a similar boat to you although I was told from the outset that IVF would not work and I’d have to go straight for donor eggs so I appreciate in some respects you have a much harder decision to make. It does take a while to get your head around donor eggs but I personally think there’s so much more to being a mother than genes and I have no concerns about bonding with the baby. I’m keen to try it and so is my husband because we want a family. But I won’t pretend we didn’t both go through a stage of grief for our own biological children we’d envisaged that will never be. I felt like my children had been ripped away from me before I’d even had a fair chance! But I think that grief is probably normal. Please give yourself time to process all of this and if getting another opinion or trying your own eggs again would help you be at peace then just go for it. There’s no right or wrong answer and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.
I found watching Amanda Dawn’s egg donor IVF story really helpful and informative about the whole process but also emotionally moving. I get one try on the NHS but the waiting list in my area is long so I’m looking to move my funding or find my own donor. I am also exploring going to Spain for treatment if it doesn’t work out in the U.K. I really agonise about going abroad because I don’t know if it would be fair on a future child to never be able to find out about their genetic heritage. I’m notorious for overthinking things though! My husband has no such reservations about it and I would do it if we didn’t have any other options.
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