Seeking a little support from those who know how it feels.

[clarecare80]

Today was the end of my 2 weeks wait after a second round of icsi. I've got a negative result which follows two miscarriages (1 natural pregnancy & 1 icsi done last august). I'm 37 with very high FSH levels (17) and reduced ovarian reserve. This last cycle they were able to retrieve 7 eggs of which 5 fertilised. Only 2 made to day 3 embryo but implantation failed. Needless to say I'm devastated. I've been acting as usual going to work during both cycles and as well shortly after the miscarriages. I guess, as women going through infertility we all have to endure this silent battle. I feel alone and frightened and tears silently come falling down. My only strenght is the bond with my husband. We are now looking into egg donation, possibly, since I'm too scared there really might be something wrong with me.

Tonight I had the courage of putting my feelings into words for the first time, thank you to those of you who can share some warmth.

[Aleelilook]

I’m so sorry you’ve had this negative and more heartache on this awful journey 😔 you’re definitely not alone and have come to the right place! Have you spoken to the fertility counsellor at your clinic? Sometimes they can really help when you feel like no one in the world understands what we are going through. We’ve just finished our first 2ww with donor eggs, (5 IVFs overall) but sadly it ended in a chemical pregnancy. After four rounds of ICSI the embryologist was certain that despite me having lots of eggs, responding well to drugs etc. They were all just a bit rubbish, so at Christmas we chose our donor eggs. There’s lots of info out there, but definitely talking to the ladies on here who have been through it was and still is amazing. Sending lots of positive and healing vibes your way xxxx

[Flimzee]

I am so sorry to hear this and I understand how devastating it is. It sounds as though it is early days and everything will feel raw for a good while. I remember feeling like I just wanted to turn a switch off. Turn off wanting a baby and turn off the pain and sadness. I guess you just need to be kind to yourself and do things that take the pressure off. Counselling has really helped me to deal with the awfulness of it all. You know it will lift (eventually) and for now you need to ride it out, which is so hard. Do you have an appointment booked with your consultant to make a plan for the future? It will be good to talk over your thoughts about donor eggs with them. I thought we would need to do that after our first failed round and my consultant laughed (nicely) and encouraged us to go again with our own eggs. Wishing you strength and good wishes xxx

[Rowly88]

I'm so very sorry to hear your news, I'm new to the site and have never posted before. But I just wanted you to know your not alone, the ladies on here the support I have seen them provide to one another is amazing. Just reading some of the stories on here makes me feel less alone each day and more and more determined to reach my happy ending.

These lovely ladies are here for you and will provide you with all the support, answers to questions you need.

Wish u and your husband strength at this difficult time and all the best wishes for your next step xxx

[genten]

Sorry to hear your news. It's very sad.

I can't offer advice as I've not been through it but I'll be praying for you.

It's lovely that you have a good strong bond with your husband and you can support each other and take care of one another.

Thinking of you xx

[Birdboy1]

Hi Clare, I’m so sorry for you news it most be so heartbreaking. You have been so brave and strong think of what you have battled through so far. Cry, scream and let the sadness out. But be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to process this. Xx

[E_05]

Sorry you’ve had so much heartache, please don’t feel alone everyone on here will give you support xx

[Hidden]

Sending you big hugs. I wish there was something I could say to take the pain away but know that you are not alone. It is very lonely and it’s great that you have a good bone with your other half. Be kind to yourself and I echo the merits of counselling. Xx

[vic77]

I am so so sorry for your loss..my feelings after each bfn were it got harder and harder and yes silent pain indeed and I often found myself crying uncontrollably at random times. give yourself time to grieve and hold each other..share your heartbreak with each other. when you feel a little stronger and you will as you are such a strong lady then get a plan that works for you both. we got some counselling which helped after our 4th bfn. we also booked a holiday after each bfn too which helped to get a change of scene. take lots of care and sending huge hugs xxxx

[-noodles-]

welcome clare, i am so sorry to hear of your loss. the emptiness is so painful. i agree with the other girls - speaking about my grief really helped. i’ve tried different types of counselling and am currently doing CBT. first stop might be a GP appt to find out what’s available in your area?

if you can, some time away with your lovely hub might help too.

give yourself time to heal, you’ve been through a massive ordeal, both physically and emotionally.

we are all here for you.

sending love and light ✨💕✨

[Rainbowhope]

I relate to your silent battle. I failed my first cycle with my fresh and frozen embryos resulting in a BFN. My anxiety has been through the roof and I ve been having serious mood swings and panic attacks . I feel especially bad at night and wake up scared and crying. My only saving grace is my husband who is there to pull me through all the tough times. All I can tell you is that you are not alone. The anguish you experience is shared by many but you must keep moving forward and fighting on. Keep communicating with your DH and make a joint decision on your next step. I pray that egg donation Is the right step in your journey. This is achingly hard but we are strong women

[Dunla]

I’m so sorry to hear you’ve had such a difficult time. It is so hard to endure this process which can feel lonely and isolating. I’m so glad to hear you have a such a lovely supportive husband and I’m hoping you will find this forum a source of company and support too. My husband and I have taken the step to move to using Donor eggs and there are lots of others here who have experience of this too. We are all here for you xx

[clarecare80]

Thanks to all of you who took the time to reply to my message and share some love. I woke up under a snowy London, I guess some kind of wake up call this morning where even the sky seems to be mourning with me. Today is another day, I'm on the bus on my way to work and I'm just grateful to those who made me feel less alone. Perhaps counselling is a solution, but to hear from all of you who are living very similar situations as me makes me a little stronger. Thank you.

[Orla9298 in reply to clarecare80]

Lots of love, I have sent you a message xx

[Kiedy84]

I am so sorry to hear your news, sending lots of warm thoughts xxx

[Hidden]

So sorry for you.. i hope in time you heal and feel better.. just take each day as it comes.. do thngs that u want to do and mkae some tome for yourself if possible.. i have 2 children.. secondary infertility i have been trying for 6 years and currently having a really heavy bleed while on day 9p5dt... i feel heartbroken and the pain is horrid its the end for me..

you will find lots of support on here.. the ladies are lovely and have all been through so many different issues with infertility.. IVF can be such a lonely dark place.. the inky people who truely understand are those that go through it themselves.. xx

[Hidden]

Hi, sorry you've been having a tough time. This journey is so hard. After my 7th transfer failed this month I too will be looking into donor eggs. Never suffer this pain on your own, talking is so important. Take care.x