Another BFN... wondering if we should consider surrogacy

[Qwerty2018]

So we’ve just had a negative pregnancy test result after the 2 week wait. It’s been our 3rd fresh embryo transfer, with two top grade blastocysts being transferred. Obviously feeling frustrated and disappointed as we threw everything at this... new protocol, Intralipids, steroids, clexane...my body was responding really well, including my persistently thin womb lining which did manage to get above 6mm before transfer. Also on the positive side we also now have 5 top grade frozen blasts from our various tries, but unfortunately I can’t use them on a frozen cycle because my womb lining only responds to the fresh cycle stim drugs.

Going to take a few weeks off and try not to think about next steps yet but it’s hard! As we have good eggs but poor womb lining, one next option we might consider is surrogacy. Does anyone have any experience with making this decision? What did you weigh up? Any dos /don’ts?

[Hidden]

I am so sorry to read this. I am afraid I cannot help you with surrogacy information. Just wanted to send you a massive hug xxx

[Qwerty2018]

Hugs are always needed right now! Thank you xxx

[Lilli79]

Hi I'm so sorry to hear about this. I believe DianeArnold has some info about surrogacy which she posted on someone else's post recently. She might be able to help. Hope you're OK as can be, sending hugs xxx

[Qwerty2018 in reply to Lilli79]

Thank you Lilli79 xxx

[Cinderella5]

Hey I cant really comment on the surrogacy thing but I do know that it isnt cheap. My lining has always been a bit of a pain and I know some other ladies have had similar issues on here. Have you thought about a hysteroscopy to see if there is anything underlying going on. I had one done in Greece back in Jan under GA and they discovered thick tissue in my uterus that they think is hampering my lining and did some cuts to take some of this away and try to encourage good growth. I cant say whether it has done me any favours yet as Im just prepping for FET at the moment but my scan today went pretty well.xx

[Qwerty2018 in reply to Cinderella5]

Wishing you loads of luck with your FET!! The scan sounds really promising

I had a hysteroscopy last year after a missed miscarriage and botched D&C, which has left me with some mild scarring (about 10% of the area). The gynaecologist did his best to address the scarring in the hysteroscopy with some cauterisation, but I think my womb lining has always been on the thin side even before this. It looks healthy on the scan in terms of lamination (makes it sound like pastry on GBBO!) but just refuses to get over 6.2mm even with loads of stims. Perhaps another hysteroscopy might help further but I'm feeling so over surgery after all my issues last year.

[Cinderella5 in reply to Qwerty2018]

Ahhh I see, was just a thought as what I had done is meant to help implantation! I have never had great lining although I usually manage to get there in the end, my body just doesnt seem to like the drugs. Has your clinic tried monitoring your lining in a natural cycle to see if your lining does better? Ive seen some of the girls doing the natural approach after having trouble with medicated cycles doing better.xx

[Qwerty2018 in reply to Cinderella5]

Yep my natural lining is dismal, never gets above 5mm. Thanks so much for the info you shared, will do some research. Wishing you loads of luck with your journey xxxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Qwerty2018]

So frustrating for you! Well I guess it always helps to have something else to look at so thought it was worth a PM. Thanks very much for your kind wishes!xx

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry Qwerty! I know this disappointment well and it kills. I’ve had 7 fet’s and only 1 fresh transfer and currently 18 weeks however before this last fet in March I researched surrogacy after 6 losses and 3 straight chemical pregnancies convinced the 3 d&cs had scarred me. After 5 cycles we did an egg collection in the States with the idea of using a surrogate there as the laws are tighter and more legislation around this. However the dr examined me and said it’s unnecssary and I should try again myself and thank God we did as I got pregnant first transfer first US cycle. He said don’t do genetic testing as ‘some’ labs damage the embryos so they have no chance of implanting. I’m in my 40s and like you had a lot of issues with my womb lining but have you tried a natural cycle? There’s so much they can do with medication and sometimes our body responds better naturally (mine definitely did) some months better than other but no rush as those precious embryos aren’t going anywhere!! You can ask for an ERA test to ensure lining receptivity - this is one thing the dr insisted on before our cycle and i’m Sure it helped. The great thing about this clinic after spending an absolute fortune in London and Spain was that he had nothing to gain as it’s ‘take home a baby or 100% money back guarantee’ so you know they want it to work for you so the advice is v different. If I’d gone for genetic testing out there it would’ve had cost an extra $5000 dollars and the fact he advised against it says an awful lot! I don’t think you should lose faith in your body!! You can do it believe. Just take a little rest, have some fun and get back to it with a fresh frame of mind. Feel free to message me, pretty much done it all and can particularly relate to how you’re feeling xxx

[Lou290901]

Hiya, I’m sorry for what you are going through.

Just really felt that I wanted to tell you about my experience.

I have been trying to be a surrogate for my sister. She went through 6 years of infertility and tried IUI, to cut a long story short she couldn’t end up becoming pregnant.

After a year of counselling and a lot of info and support from surrogacyuk we started this journey. I had a transfer in April that ended in miscarriage, 2 transfers in July and Oct that were both BFN and another transfer this may that ended in miscarriage. We are nearly 2 years down the road and no better off. I feel very sad that it has not worked, every time before transfer my body has been ‘perfect’ but not ended well. I feel for us to get a good outcome a donor egg would need to be used.

I do have a close friend who has done surrogacy 3 times all successful through surrogacyuk and if you are in England I would strongly advise you to contact them. You only pay expenses as it is illegal to pay a surrogate in the uk. They empathise the relationship between the couples, surrogate and intended parents and that is developed before treatment of any kind starts.

I hope this helps you a little.

Best wishes x

[Qwerty2018 in reply to Lou290901]

Thank you so much for sharing your journey. I really hope you & your sister get the outcome you want. It’s really amazing what you’ve done!!!

Thanks for the surrogacyUK tip, i’ll look into their organisation.