My egg vs. Donor? : We’ve been offered... - Fertility Network UK

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My egg vs. Donor?

jengi
jengi

We’ve been offered a 2nd cycle of ICSI on the NHS at no cost. As many of you know, during our 1st cycle there were communication difficulties in the lab resulting in IVF being conducted instead of ICSI. We are delighted that we have been given another chance. Now the delimma of using my egg or finding a donor? The chances of success with my egg is 10% vs. 50% with a donor. We are having private implications councilling on Sunday.

It kinda feels like we’ve been given a free go and one part of me says to try again with my own eggs but we have a better chance with a donor. What would you ladies do?

Xx

46 Replies

Oh that's a tough call. I had a 3 cycles (my first was a bit of a nightmare) with my own eggs but although we got decent numbers only 3 out of the 2 cycles got to blastocysts...at our review I got told I had a 5% chance of it working with my own eggs due to my age - 39. I had almost accepted by that stage that I'd given it a good shot with my own eggs and could move onto donor. We got great blastocysts with our donor so it was the right decision for us as we were by that point paying. Perhaps things will be clearer after counselling. I think you just have to go with your heart and if you still need a go with your own eggs then go for It!xx

jengi
jengi in reply to Cinderella5

It really is a tough call. I’m hoping councilling will help straighten things out in our heads. Xx

Hidden
Hidden

Hi there,

Before moving to donor eggs we had one last round of paid for ICSI.

I needed to give it one last chance. It failed, no eggs retrieved but I was glad I did it as I didn’t want to move to donor eggs thinking what if.

If we were in the position where we knew we couldn’t have afforded another cycle, I think I would have gone with donor eggs rather than my own. There is an element of going with your head rather than your heart at times. Unfortunately money has to come into it when we make these decisions.

Best of luck with your choice. You will know what’s right for you. X

jengi
jengi in reply to Hidden

I keep saying this can’t get worse and you have just made me realise that it can, we could get zero eggs next time. I’d not considered that, thank you! Xx

U have been given as extra life line.. so i i would go with donor to but your % higher.

Good luck in what ever you might choose

jengi
jengi in reply to Mrsplant

Thanks Xx

Will the nhs still fund the treatment with a donor egg?

Good question, I’ve no idea! Will have to find out. Xx

First of all, I’m so so happy for you that you have got another chance. My daughter was advised to try donor egg but she wanted one last try with her own eggs but this was going to be her last attempt whatever way it went. Do your research, ask questions but if they say you have a much better chance with donor, then I would go with that xx

jengi
jengi in reply to Gillyc1

It’s been so useful to get other people’s perspective, we are so caught up in the emotion, we can’t see the wood for the trees ! 🌲🌳🙃

Gillyc1
Gillyc1 in reply to jengi

That is exactly right as well. To read other ppls perspective is so helpful xxxx

If you do decide to go ahead with your own eggs (or the NHS makes you) there are some supplements you can take to try and improve the quality. Some of the ladies in here have taken them with success. My personal take on it if it were me would be that this is a lifeline. If the clinic hadn’t got it wrong then you wouldn’t have the free round so if the free round fails you won’t be in any worse a position than you previously were. So you’ve nothing to lose by trying it with your own eggs one more time but trying the supplements to see if they improve your outcome. Good luck with whatever you decide.

jengi
jengi in reply to Lynnr54

Thanks Lynn, I take so many supplements I rattle! 🙃

Hey, I had two rounds IVF rounds with my eggs, both times I responded badly but managed to get two blastocysts each time. Unfortunately neither cycles took and was advised to go for donor eggs next time around as they said the quality of my eggs could be the reason they had failed. We took a year off and looked into adoption etc then decided to go for the egg donor. The result is laying next to me right now smiling! Totally the best decision for us and couldn't be happier!

It's such a personal decision and everyone is different but we had such a positive experience using donor eggs that I would definitely recommend it!

Xx

Hi, do

You mind me asking how many rounds of donor egg ivf you had to get your positive. I am on my first donor ivf . I am 3 days from OTD and feel no different.

I’ve croed for days 😪. Congratulations on your bundle of joy xxx

Thank yiu!! It was the first cycle!! Please try not to worry I had zero symptoms the last time around yet with the two failed ones I had every symptom going!!

Hang in there and good luck 😘

Thank you for the reassurance. I pray 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻 Xx

7AVA
7AVA in reply to vickflick

That’s a lovely positive story. We have a meeting at a clinic tonight to discuss donor eggs. We have been trying to decide between one last round with my eggs and moving on to donor eggs. X

vickflick
vickflick in reply to 7AVA

Hope all goes well at the meeting, I went from 7% chance using my eggs to a 70% chance using donor eggs so that really helped our decision. Just go with your instinct!!! XX

Aefemera
Aefemera in reply to vickflick

Hi vickflick,

I've been told the same, chances with my eggs are 10% and donor 70%.

I went from just struggling to conceive, to very low AMH of 1.1 and my period hasn't show up for two months. I have an open clinic consultation on Monday but wanted to know, was this your case?

vickflick
vickflick in reply to Aefemera

Hey, it was indeed, I have endometriosis which damaged my ovaries and so was diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve from a very low AMH. From the previous cycles the lining was never an issue, it was all down to the eggs so I went into the donor cycle with such a positive attitude compared to the last times which I think has an impact too!!

Aefemera
Aefemera in reply to vickflick

I really need to decide what to do... I'm still unsure if we can get anything from the NHS. How long was your wait? Sorry... I have a bunch of questions.

jengi
jengi in reply to vickflick

Awh thank you Xx

This is such a personal decision that it’s hard to advise.personally I would look into donor eggs but that’s my choice and you’ve got to do what’s right for you and your partner. Best of luck xxx

jengi
jengi in reply to Rainbowhope

Thanks Rainbowhope. It really is so useful to read what other people would do in my shoes Xx

Hi there,

This has been on my mind to for myself as there were some issues in my last test results (nothing confirmed and are waiting for it before we start treatment). I thought to myself that if it is a donor egg we use and I carry that child for 9 months and breast feed it how can I ever be more attached to that child. I wouldn’t be. For me it’s more important that I brought that little human into the world and my body nourished it and kept it alive!

Everyone is different, I know my partner can’t deal with the idea of donor sperm.

It’s a hard decision to process but I wish you luck and what ever you decision you make will be the right one for you. Xxx

jengi
jengi in reply to Mai1992

Thanks Xx

Oh such a difficult decision 😟 I was told last year at 34 that we had a 5% chance of success with my eggs, we had had 4 rounds, and although fell pregnant on our 2nd round, miscarried at 8wks. Round 4 all of our 8 fertilised eggs arrested on day 5, so although it was a shock to be told this, I felt we really had tried with my own, so the transition to donor wasn’t as painful as it might have been. I suppose from my experience I would say if you feel emotionally you can go through another fresh round with your eggs then I’d do it, just to exhaust every option, but if you feel like you’re ready to move on then go for it! Counselling will definitely help you weigh up your options. Good luck lovely xxx

jengi
jengi in reply to Aleelilook

Hi! One minute I feel ready to go again with my own eggs and the next I’m convincing myself of the donor route! It’s a tough decision. Xx

Hidden
Hidden

So glad you got your 'free round'.

Such a difficult decision....

Hope the ladies on here can share some valuable experiences.

💕💕

I have a stepdaughter, and I genuinely love her like she's my own. People say we look alike (we dont really, just hair colour) and she has my mannerisms in a way I never would have expected in a non genetically related child. If I didn't have to share her with her mum I don't think I'd feel a need for another child. I have an intensity of emotion that was unexpected. And that's with only meeting her at 4 years old, let alone carrying a child and bringing it up from a baby. However I am also doing ivf to get my own kid and am super excited to see my face in my child's if it all goes to plan. My point is that if you decide to go with your own eggs that is totally understandable and it will be awesome and special if it works. If you go with donor eggs it will also be awesome and you won't regret and will be just as happy (in my opinion) as if it was with your own eggs. I not trying to give you direction either way but hopefully some reassurance that whatever way you choose will be fine xx

jengi
jengi in reply to Beari

Thanks, you make a very important point Xx

Personally with your levels I would say donor. It's personal choice I did 2 rounds before moving into donor for our 3rd round. Good luck in what you decide xxx

Hi Jengi. From the statistics you say, I strongly suggest donor my sweet. We had donor right from word go. 5% chance with mine versus 60% donor. No contest. The lovely lady produced 22 eggs, 12 of which were ready to fertilise. We shared with another couple to make it cheaper and got 6 each. 4 fertilised, 1 X ‘A’ quality 2 X A/B and 1 X ‘C’ quality. All survived the thaw etc. So that was amazing.

At the end of the day honey, once that little chuckie egg leaves her body and enters yours it IS YOURS! If you were making a cake, and you ran out of eggs, you can go next door and borrow one. Go back in your house and mix all the ingredients together. Then, put it in your oven and watch it cook. Take it out and enjoy it with your husband. Is it YOUR cake or nextdoors?........😀💕💕

jengi
jengi in reply to Jmaw

It’s definitely my cake, thank you! Xx

emu2016
emu2016 in reply to Jmaw

Cake analogy is BRILLIANT!!!! I really needed to read that this morning! x

Jmaw
Jmaw in reply to emu2016

And always remember, the child or anyone else (except discreetly on here of course) don’t ever need to know. Xxx💕Xxx

jengi
jengi in reply to emu2016

It is I read it to my husband, he loved it too! Xx

emu2016
emu2016 in reply to jengi

Hoping you reach a conclusion. My profile tells my story quite well for some thoughts xx

Tough call indeed! We used the free go on my eggs knowing fully well it might not work. Not sure id have done it again; but I had a less than 2% chance. I think it might help you to know what you’ll do after this round; will you move to DE? If so... are you stalling? Or the flip side is... if you know you’ll do that and are prepared to pay... then you could try that all important one last time x

Jmaw
Jmaw in reply to emu2016

Sharing with other couples helps the cost too. Also get a sister or other distant relative who already have children to donate theirs xxx💕xxx

emu2016
emu2016 in reply to Jmaw

Very true indeed. These were all options when we first started out. Seems like such a long time ago now. And here we are... no looking back now with this one! x

Jmaw
Jmaw in reply to emu2016

All the very best wishes lovely X

jengi
jengi in reply to emu2016

If we hadn’t got another ‘free’ cycle on NHS, we’d be going straight for donor eggs. Somehow though I feel a bit cheated, if they’d done ICSI perhaps we’d have been successful, we’ll never know. If I act as the previous cycle never happened and treat this future cycle as my 1st round then it’ll definitely be my eggs we use whereas if I think of it as our 2nd round then it’s donor. Does that make sense or am I just stalling? Councilling will help tomorrow? Xx

It's a very tough call. I don't think that I would have been able to make the decision to use donor eggs after 1 failed ivf. However my now self wants to shake that one and tell her to consider it asap.

Good luck and big hugs xx

jengi
jengi in reply to Camillage

Awh thanks you, very wise words! Xx

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