I had my last ever transfer this morning. It was supposed to be my final two remaining embryos but one of them didn’t survive the thaw. Sadly the one that did survive was the poorest quality of all the embryos I’ve had in my four cycles. Today really feels like the end of the road as we’ve decided not to continue after this cycle - it feels like fertility treatment is ruining my life and it’s time to stop. But what a sad, sad thing that in two weeks’ time it will all be official: I will never be a mother. It feels pretty official now, to be honest. Why do we do this to ourselves?
I think I’m going to be needing a lot of love in the next ten days (and after!)...
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TheSpeedyDiva
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Hey dont give up! You still have the 2ww and miracles do happen. I had 2 cycles last year both failed. I have one frozen which we were going to usein January. 3 weeks ago to my absolute shock I found out I was pregnant naturally- it does happen. Be kind to yourself xx
We just came to the end of ours too honey a few weeks ago, so I know how you feel. I don’t know if you have seen any of my posts, but a contingency plan is absolutely CRUCIAL!!! We are going to an adoption meeting in just over two hours so.....hopefully things will start to turn positive. It could be an option for you sweetheart and let’s face it you are absolutely GUARANTEED an end result every time. Just a thought lovely 😊 xxx
Hi just to say not everyone has had the best embryo quality transferred and some still get their bfp. Hope the tww goes fast for you and you get your bfp fingers crossed for you xx
Aw don’t get too hung up on the quality- Lord Robert Winston makes the point that the only good quality embryo is one that makes a baby. Embryologists try to predict that but they don’t have crystal balls and by no means are they always right. It was good enough to freeze and strong enough to thaw so it’s got a good chance of becoming your living breathing miracle xx
Oh the disappointments are so brutal, aren't they? But the fact is one of your embryos did survive the thaw, so you are still in the game. I know it's so hard emotionally trying to juggle positivity and being realistic about chances - I struggle with that all the time. Loads of love and thoughts for you xx
Our very lovely fertility specilaist said to us that the embryo quality is not everything. That a certain baby is meant for you, and that it will not necessarily be the one the embryologists give the highest grade. Hoping with you for a little miracle to happen.
Firstly I have everything crossed for you that this transfer is the one. So many good success stories with the poorest quality embryo. Good luck.
Secondly I genuinely know where you are. We have just been in your shoes. We had our last transfer in May. I felt so detached going for it as didn’t want to emotionally embrace it. I needed to protect myself. I did great until I was at the airport gate coming back and suddenly it hit me. Last time here. Last bit of hope. I started to feel weepy. I also felt a big relief that we were done with IVF. We could start living again. Us females can plan little on the journey for me my periods were erratic and the hospital kept changing goal posts. I hated using all of the meds I struggle to take a paracetamol. For us it wasn’t to be. I had what I could only describe as a massive sense of sadness. After a bit I needed to get me back. I felt I got lost in the journey. I applied for the children’s panel, signed up for a Abs and Ass program and starting finding me again.
Now we are thinking could we do another round? Neither of us can decide. I feel I want to hide from it all and not deal with everything it throws at you. I have generally always succeeded in things I do so when you can’t do something as major as this it’s really hard. We have decided to go on the egg donor list and see how we feel when we are at the top. My feelings change daily. Today I want to run a hundred miles from it yesterday had a few times of thinking yes I can do this.
I genuinely hope this is your time. You deserve it. If it’s not take your time to get your head round it. I definitely found trying to find me was huge. And most importantly be kind to yourself and love each other. Xxxx
Thank you for your kind words and I’m so sorry that you have struggled so much. It’s amazing how many of us there are out there going through life feeling awful because of this and yet we can still feel so very alone.
I’m pretty sure this will be the end of the road for us if it’s Another unsuccessful round. I need to try to get on with my life and I fear I never will when I’m stuck in this limbo. I think I really need the finality of someone saying “you will never be pregnant” even if I have to say it to myself. In some ways it would have been so much easier to just be told that by a doctor six years ago. The false hope of IVF is so brutal.
Good luck whatever you decide and enjoy all the things you are doing that are fun and not fertility related!! Xx
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