Really struggling

[Gillyc1]

My daughter had a complete breakdown today. “ mum why can’t I get excited, why arnt I crying tears of joy, why can’t I connect to the baby”. I’ve told her it’s completely normal after what she has gone through. I even get nervous with every txt, every call in case something is wrong. When will it get easier and we can relax . Roll on Tuesday for the scan xxxx

[emu2016]

I know so many women who describe their IVF pregnancy as worrying. You know so much; more than someone who falls pregnant naturally. She’ll get there at some level xx

[Gillyc1 in reply to emu2016]

Thankyou xx

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

In time she'll get there hun the scan will help once she's seen heartbeat/s that will help, but seriously it's hard to not worry at all even though my scan was ok last week and bubz had grown 5 days I'm back to being a nervous wreck it's crazy I understand the ivf worrying but also when you've had a loss or losses it really does plague a pregnancy. Sending so much love and hugs 💝💝😘

[Gillyc1 in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thankyou my darling and sending hugs right back at ya xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I started to relax once the nausea hit- far too busy feeling sick to be worrying too much, and feel like something must be there for me to feel this sick. I have my first scan later today.

[vic77 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

be thinking of you today xxxx

[Gillyc1 in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Good luck with your scan xx

[Autumnmoon in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Good luck for your scan x

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Good luck hun xx

[vic77]

your poor daughter. ..that must have been so hard for you too..how lucky she is to have you by her side too though. .they both are. you are right the way she feels is normal and hopefully soon she will see her baby and be reassured for a little while..sending you all much love xxx

[Gillyc1 in reply to vic77]

Thankyou xx

[MrsRL]

Really feel for your daughter, poor thing. It’s perfectly normal. I never fully relaxed throughout my pregnancy but it did get easier once I could feel baby and I had several scans. I was still anxious as after going through so much it’s hard to believe it’s happening and all will be ok. Best of luck for her scan. x

[Gillyc1 in reply to MrsRL]

She says she can’t believe it’s happening for her xx

[Autumnmoon]

It is so difficult to see your daughter distraught when this should be such a happy time but sadly the fear is always present after the loss of a precious much wanted baby and then the difficulty in conceiving as well I only hope that gradually the fear will subside with each scan and milestone she passes all we can do is be there listen to the years and give as much reassurance as possible while cleverly hiding our own fear sending love to you both and hoping the scan goes well for her x

[Beari]

Honestly that's so normal! When it's such a tiny bunch of cells it's really just the abstract concept of a baby. There is no magical instant bonding and connection, that happens much later. Some women do feel that but probably only half. Most of my friends didn't have those feelings until well into the pregnancy or even after the birth and I'm lucky that they are very open about these things and that none of them worry about it either. They are all amazing mums and have done wonders for my anxiety with their honesty. I wish more women would talk about this stuff so that we don't have such high expectations of how we should feel etc. Ivf puts a whole other level of pressure on. Thank God for this site were we can all be open.

[Gillyc1 in reply to Beari]

So very very true xx

[Hidden]

Please tell your daughter that her positive test wasn't just a normal one. This isn't something they tried at for a couple of months and then just happened, they've wanted this for a long time. And that waiting causes so many complex reactions which are all normal. She will be so much more aware of what can go wrong, and will therefore guard her feelings more carefully because we all worry that if we get too excited and something goes wrong, it will hurt even more, and we've already been through so much so how can we possibly take another blow?

If she's like me, she may feel a little guilt. I know that's controversial to say, and I don't mean towards the baby or her husband, or to anyone else specifically. But in knowing that she will have her baby while so many other people continue to struggle. Of course, no-one here would ever want anyone to feel that way, and she will no doubt remember every day just how blessed she has is, but, for me at least, I certainly felt what would be akin to guilt, or perhaps it's better described as an overwhelming feeling of how unfair it is that so many other people continue to struggle, and that everyone here has had to go through what they have to get something that is so natural.

Each day and each step will bring a little more excitement, and a little bit of that fear will melt away at each scan and hearing of the heartbeat. And when those kicks come, she will cherish every one of them. Hers is not a normal pregnancy, no-one's who has gone through infertility treatment is. But it is so very special in ways that only a few can relate to. She will be a great mum and I wish her the best of luck for her scan x

[Gillyc1 in reply to Hidden]

Thankyou so much for your kind words xx

[Hidden]

I have my second scan today and again I feel physically sick with nerves (wish it was morning sickness but it’s not). I know exactly how your daughter feels but tell her it’s normal to be nervous but she should feel happy and blessed. We’re incredibly lucky to even be in the game, imagine how we’d feel with a bfn? My 6 pregnancy losses have left me anxious but hopeful and v v grateful for this chance 🙏🏼. The scan will come around before you both know it and I pray you get the reassurance you need 😘🙏🏼Xxx

[Gillyc1 in reply to Hidden]

When Ppl said when she lost her baby “ oh you can have another go” I honestly felt like punching them. If only they knew how it felt 😓xx

[Hidden in reply to Gillyc1]

I had the same and I wanted to do the same believe me!!! We have to face so much rubbish and cluelessness and insensitivity . The amount of times I hear ‘Why don’t you give up?’ ‘Why don’t you adopt?’ ‘You can always try again’ 😢😡 All I know us if you want something hard enough and you’re prepared to do anything you’ll get there eventually. I’ve had 6 rounds, 2 here, 3 total waste of time rounds in Barcelona and one v good, successful experience in Washington xxx

[Gillyc1 in reply to Hidden]

Gets me so angry. Glad you are ok now though xx

[E8989]

I really struggled with this I can relate on so many levels I had 3 ectopic pregnancies prior to having our miracle (Ava) via IVF as my local EPU knew me so well they gave me 2 weekly scans up until 12 weeks then as I’m a type 1 diabetic and classed as a high risk pregnancy I was seen every week and scanned every 2 even with all this I still couldn’t believe it would actually go right for us I would always have negative faults and even went to counselling via the hospital. If your daughter would like someone to talk to I’m here I can PM you my number wishing all the best for next week xx

[Gillyc1 in reply to E8989]

Thankyou so much . I’m hoping after next week she will be feeling better but I will tell her xxx

[Flimzee]

So lovely to hear that your daughter is pregnant! I must have missed that, sorry and congratulations to you all!

I am 16 weeks pregnant and still not 100% confident, but am starting to relax into it. Having lost two babies, makes me very wary. I know that as each day goes by though and I can start to feel him moving around a bit now, my worry eases, little by little. I am sure the same will happen for your daughter too, with time. Good luck Xxx

[Gillyc1 in reply to Flimzee]

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Thankyou xxx

[Becky179]

Oh bless her. Please tell her I'm exactly the same! I don't really feel anything yet, not excited or hopeful. I don't feel like we'd be lucky enough to be blessed with one let alone two! Im 8.4 weeks & I know I won't until at least my 12 week scan. I had another scan this morning & both babies are measuring right and healthy heart beats. I felt happy for about 10 mins. Then back to my cautious, nervous wreck self! It's our way of coping. Lots of love to her. Xx

[Gillyc1 in reply to Becky179]

Ah bless you. This journey is hard no matter what stage you are at . So happy your babies are ok xxxx

[sandra81]

I can understand your daughter. I am now 27.5 weeks but I still can’t get excited. I worry all the time. There is always something new to worry about especially if getting preg is something that you have wanted for a very long time. However it’s gets easier with time although as in my case the worrying never completely stops. Just keep supportingn her she will get there eventually.

[Gillyc1 in reply to sandra81]

Thankyou so much xxx

[Gillyc1]

Managed to get a few laughs out of her today because her boobs have become huge and I mean HUGE lol. Told her that’s got to be a good sign everything is going ok xx