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Fertility Network UK
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Struggling to believe

Hello everyone,

I’m not sure if I’m the only one to feel this way, but I can’t fully believe that I’ll ever get pregnant. I just can’t picture it in my mind. My husband and my mum say that it won’t happen unless I truly believe it will happen, but I just can’t seem to muster any positive energy. We’ve been trying to conceive for over a year and I’m 35 this month. I just feel I’m going through the motions with no hope.

Just wants to know if anyone else has felt similar?

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Hi Kathryn. Ttc, when it’s not happening as quickly as we’d have expected it to, can become soul crushing. You try everything, do it all by the book but month after month af shows her ugly face and you begin to think it will never happen. As you’ve been trying for a year I’d suggest a trip to your GP (if you haven’t already been) and ask to get some of the basic tests run. Good luck. Don’t give up hope just yet xx

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I’ve been to my gp already. Blood tests all fine. Apart from thyroid, which I’m on thyroxine for now and I’ve seen an endocrinologist at the hospital and my levels are all now as they should be. I’m fit and healthy, healthy BMI. I don’t drink, don’t smoke. Eat healthy. My periods are perfect on time, clockwork every 27 days. But I just have a deep intuition that it’s not going to happen for me and it won’t shift.

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Would your gp be willing to refer you to your local hospital to get a hsg done? Has your OH had a semen analysis done? xx

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Hi Kathryn,

I had to comment because I remember feeling exactly the same. (I'm now 21 weeks pregnant via IVF).

When we were actively TTC I got so deflated that I Just could not picture myself with a bump. I saw other pregnancy women and convinced myself that it was simply too good to be true and perhaps it wasn't in my future. I saw pregnancy as something totally unachievable.

We ended up needing ICSI which might not even be the case for you. See your GP and you'll instantly feel better when the ball is rolling.

Good luck x

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Hi Kathryn1984. I think perhaps it might be time to ask your GP tyo refer you to a fertility specialist for further investigations and treatment, should it be necessary. Your GP is restricted with what he/she can do for you. Good luck! Diane

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Hey, I think when your faced with disappointment month after month it’s hard to shake that feeling of it not working. I’m getting ready to start my 5th cycle and I still say to my husband I have a gut feeling we’re not meant to have living children (we’ve had 2 MMC). I definitely agree with others about getting further tests and continue to talk to people on here who ‘get it’ it does help your mental state well it has mine xx

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My husband is sometimes a problem. He says he wants a baby, he says he will get his sperm analysis done, but he doesn’t seem in a rush to get to his GP and do it. He is very sensitive to the whole thing. He is afraid he won’t feel a man if the problem is with his semen. He also has a very low sex drive, last month we had sex once! So I can’t be surprised we haven’t conceived. I’ve sat him down numerous times to ask him if he really wants to have a child. I get the answer he’s happy either way, if we do or we don’t. I feel I’m the only one driving things forward. And I’ve talked and talked to him, but it always escalated into arguments, him frustrated, me crying. He feels sex should be spontaneous and about love, and he feels used and like it’s a chore when I’m fertile.

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I have been there and can fully relate to how you're feeling. Hubby and I were trying for over a year before we got the ball rolling with investigations and this all took quite a bit of time. After months of disappointment and constantly hearing pregnancy announcements, i hit a rather 'low' point last year and really felt it would never happen for us. But we have recently got our first ever BFP. I know how hard things can be but don't give up hope and keep strong. Take care and sending you BIG hugs xxx

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Sorry just realised this is very long 🙈

I had a really low point last year where I wanted to throw the towel in and give up. I suffer with excruciating pain around every cycle and it effects my bowels and my ability to concentrate making work difficult some months. All I kept being told was take the paracetamol and ibuprofen it’s just your cycle I knew something wasn’t right about 14 months in my husband didn’t really know what to do anymore and I’d be in tears saying I wanted to go bk on contraceptives because the physical pain combined with the emotional pain of no baby that month and every month was horrible.

BUT discovering this site and this amazing group of ppl made me realise that others are suffering worse things than me and that although my journey is bad there is worse. The worst bit for me was not knowing what was wrong with me. Now I can lay that to rest as I now know.

So my advice is rant when you need too because the chances are there is someone here who has been through it and can help or is going through it.

Good luck and try to stay positive xxxx

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Oh yes indeed...please please try to find some positivity. .there are amazing stories on here if people almost giving up then get their bfp..we were one of them 😁although cautious to celebrate too soon...all too often it does and can happen..keep believing. .lots of love xxxx

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Hi Kathryn,

Just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel! The ups & downs of ttc are like nothing I could of prepared myself for ever. You spend so many years on the pill & all they teach you is how not to get pregnant, they don’t prepare you for when you want to & can’t.

We have been ttc for 2 years 8 months with male infertility! My boyfriend is not impressed that the problem lays with him - much like yours has said he fears - they don’t mind when the problem is us but question their ‘manhood’ & it’s an entirely different matter.

He also has a low sex drive - I think I must have a neon sign above my head on my fertile week that tells him to avoid me! Although he says he really wants us to have a baby - trying to get through to him that that means we have to have more sex is like talking to a brick wall - I’ve had all the excuses - I’m tired (he does work really hard I should add!) I’m not in the mood, I’m too full up from dinner and my favourite- I need a poo! 😂

I have been told so many times to just think positive & I find it so hard, especially when there are bumps & babies everywhere!! I have no positive left after all this time so you’re not alone at all, I understand completely!

Fingers crossed for all of us & hope we get those baby bumps soon!!

Xx

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