Time standing still this time round!

[Griffon84]

So, this is the first time I've posted on here. Never really felt like forums were my kind of thing but reading everyone's posts over the last few months has made me realise I'm not alone in this journey despite the fact that I don't personally know anyone going through infertility.

I'm in the middle of my second ICSI cycle at the moment and time just seems to be standing still this time! My egg collection date is provisionally the 12th of April and it seems like an eternity away. Then knowing that from there we will have to wait until the end of the month to find out if its worked just seems like a date that will never come!

Has anyone else felt like this the 2nd time round? I feel like first time I had so much hope and anticipation that it all just went along nicely, whereas this time, all i seem to feel is dred and fear that I will have to go through all the heartache that we did last time! Plus this time round the medication seems to be taking it's toll on me which isn't helping anything!

I feel a bit lost and in limbo and other than my long suffering husband, I have nobody to talk to who understands 😢

[Hidden]

Welcome 😊

I haven’t been through IVF but I have had 4 rounds of clomid fail so i know what it feels like to have treatment fail- can IVF is even harder.

I’ve been ttc 6.5 years and it took us 5 years and 10 months to get a proper diagnosis for our infertility ; I have endometriosis. After my first laparoscopy which treated endometriosis I conceived first time in six years! I miscarried but took it as progress. My endometriosis returned and I recently had my second laparoscopy which again I had endometriosis treated- some was left on my bowels , so my fertility specialist has referred me to a endometriosis specialist who he knows well to treat my endometriosis: although my endometriosis isn’t severe he is concerned how quickly my endometriosis grows back he thinks I am more prone to period blood flowing backwards and creating more implants. Shame my body can’t implant a baby as well as it does endometriosis !😒 But I have a fantastic fertility specialist and he is very supportive and proactive.

I get the whole frustration of always feeling like there is something to wait for . The waiting around is the worst part I think! I’ve never been very patient haha 🤣

The only thing I can advise is do things for you: make time for you and your hubby and do things for you non baby related. It gets over looked in this.

I have found this site has been a lifeline to me struggling with infertility the ladies and some gents we get here are lovely and we all try and support each other. It is nice to have others understand and to let feelings out without fear of upsetting loved ones. So we put a smile on our face and say “everything is ok”even if it’s not! Anyway all the best with this cycle really hope it’s your time 😘xoxo

[Griffon84 in reply to Hidden]

Hi Jess

Sounds like you've been on a long journey yourself! Thanks for the reply, it definitely helps to be able to tell your story and vent your feelings to people who know what you're going through!

I'm the most impatient person ever too which definitely doesn't help 😲 haha!

I hope you get some good news soon 😊 xx

[Snowy76]

The waiting is definitely hard!!! Everything seems to go on hold and can't believe how distracted I've become in general! We're currently on second IVF cycle and although generally "calmer" (mixture of different drugs and knowing what to expect) still struggle with the waiting. Have coped by having a list of easy things I can do (touristy things / films / tv / odd jobs) to try and help distract me!

Snowy x

[Griffon84 in reply to Snowy76]

That's definitely the hardest thing, that everything is on hold until we know! I think you're right, distraction is the key!! Good luck with this cycle, i have everything crossed for you 😘 xx

[Smang]

Hi Griffon,

Sorry your feeling a bit lost, I think we all have felt like that at some point in this journey. It’s a bumpy road, but this forum is great for support and information.

I’m attempting my third transfer and dry much like you I felt that way the second time and somewhat this cycle.

Wishing you the very best of luck and while you are going through the process the only advice I can give to you is to not forget about other things that presently make you happy. I think we can get tunnel vision and only focus on the cycle, but do things that you enjoy and love. I think after my first two failed transfers that’s all I thought about. I wasn’t going out with my friends as much and for myself isolation just doesn’t help. I kept getting advice to just focus on myself and spouse, which we did and was wonderful but for me I also enjoy being around friends and family.

So this time around I’m making sure to do things that make me happy and seems to be helping.

Welcome to the group and best wishes xx

[Griffon84 in reply to Smang]

Thanks smang, reading this is is like de ja vu of the conversation i had with my husband last night! Tunnel vision is a perfect description of what I'm doing right now and I need to get back to socialising and spending time with friends! This forum is great and I love that everyone giving advice knows exactly what you're going through!

Good luck with this transfer, I hope it all goes well xx

[Wishfully]

I know exactly what you mean - I was so devasted the first time (which ended in CP) that on the second attempt I vowed not to get that emotionally invested. It’s impossible! We’re not robots after all. So I think it’s ok to feel dread, fear or hope... you just do what you need to to get yourself through it. If you can, get out and about & do some fun things -Time passes quicker when you’re too busy to ponder xx

[Griffon84 in reply to Wishfully]

Thanks wishfully! Distraction is definately the key! I hope all's going well for you xx

[WaywardGirl]

I am feeling exactly the same - it almost seems like this time round is not real. Like you, we were so full of hope for the first round and this time I am scared to get too hopeful.

Our provisional EC date is also 12th April at Oxford, so we could be cycle twins

[Griffon84]

Aww I'm sorry that you're feeling the same way but it is nice to know that we're not alone and our feelings are totally normal!

Yes looks like we're cycle twins 😁 I have my scan tomorrow to see how the meds are working and see if we're still on track for the 12th! I'll keep everything crossed for you and feel free to keep in touch and let me know how you're getting on 😊 xx