Ding Ding Ding, Round 2!

[sharpy87]

Hi everyone, I'm just about to start my second fresh round of IVF this year. My first was in May/ June.

The first round was a disaster! I didn't react very well to the drugs and every scan was a disappointment. I only ended up with 1 embryo and had an unsuccessful day 2 transfer. After 2 years of bad news, I'm well and truly fed up!

I have my baseline scan in a few days and I'm due to start stimming later this week, but I'm not feeling very positive/ hopeful! I don't believe it will work, I feel like I'm just going through the motions, because what other option do I have?!

Another sticky situation is my sister is pregnant and due in Nov! I'm not dealing with it well- more just avoiding it! Me and my sister have the same birthday in Sept (I was born on her 3rd birthday!) Its my 30th this year but I don't feel like I have anything to celebrate and I don't think I can enjoy any family celebrations while she is heavily pregnant. But I feel bad avoiding her/ making things about my sadness rather than her happiness.

We are also self funding so that's adding another layer of awful to the stressful situation.

Anyone else in the same boat? Any tips to feel happier about the situation? Anyone else on their second fresh round? x

[Bibble-2016]

Hey there, I'm only one my first failed round, self funded too. It's awful isn't it when you get a negative after all of that. Well done though for picking yourself back up and dusting yourself off to try again.

Did the clinic give you any feedback from the first cycle? Or make any changes?

In terms of your sister I'm pretty much the same avoiding pregnant people. Just too hard to face. I'm so sorry you're going through this, it's just so so painful.

If you think about it though you're doing the very best thing you can to do ivf. It's a chance. Xxx

[sharpy87 in reply to Bibble-2016]

Thanks for your reply.

It's all just soo awful isn't it!? Who knew it would all be this hard!

The clinic have changed my dose from 225 of menopur to 375 in the hope that more will happen! Of course I really hope it does but I'm so use to bad news now that Iv lost faith.

Are you going to do another round? X

[Bibble-2016 in reply to sharpy87]

I think so but like you I just don't feel that optimistic. I did respond to the drugs eventually but had a few days max dose. Got through all the stages but embryos weren't top quality. I'm just worried if we go again we'll just be repeating same outcome. But I suppose like you it's worth a try. Better chance than doing nothing. Sorry I'm not helping you feel more positive. Just wanted you to know you're not alone. Xxx

[sharpy87 in reply to Bibble-2016]

Thanks.

I really hope the progress scans will be better this time around and give me some positivity! Even if it doesn't work, I just hope the treatment goes better. If I could get a day 5 transfer or some to freeze, that would be amazing! I don't think I'm very lucky though!

The thing that's annoying me ATM is everyone telling me how I should feel... In laws can't understand why I'm not soo excited and buzzing about it! People telling me if I don't believe it won't happen! I wish I could feel more positive, but I just can't.

Have your clinic suggested anything different for your next round? X

[Bibble-2016 in reply to sharpy87]

Review isn't until November! Think we might go to a different clinic to get things moving sooner.

I completely relate to how you feel. I did not feel any excitement about all. And I too have worried that my mindset might mean my body won't get pregnant but I don't know how much I believe that. I don't see how anyone in our position can feel happy and optimistic?! God I'm sorry I'm not a more motivational person, they'll be kicking me off the forum!! I found it helpful reading positive stories against the odds. The other girls on here are way more positive and motivating 😊 Xx

[sharpy87 in reply to Bibble-2016]

Are you self funding? Why isn't your review until November?

I was desperate to have my review meeting after my negative test. I had a meeting 2 weeks later.

I think I'm just so frustrated. How long have you been trying for? X

[Bibble-2016 in reply to sharpy87]

We're at an NHS clinic and the waiting times are huge. It's loads cheaper than other clinics but very busy!

Been trying just over 2 years. Never imagined how much it would screw me up. I feel like I've lost myself xx

[El1a80]

Hi, im in the 2ww of my second round and first round was a disaster too! I ended up having to go 17 days before folicles were big enough, had 7, 6 fertilised but 3 stopped developing, went to day 5 by which time only had 2 left and they weren't at blastocyst stage and also had a thick shell. No surprises I got a bfn. My consultant changed drugs and upped dosage and said it could be completely different this time but it didnt make me feel any better! Have found round 2 so much more stressful and constantly worrying it was going to turn out the same. Thankfully its gone better, ready quicker and had 13, with 8 fertilising. Got 2 to blastocyst and transferred both. Obviously wanted some to freeze but compared to last time im happy! No idea what the outcome will be but feel much more relaxed now they are back where they belong and keeping everything crossed.

Its really hard to stay positive, especially when everyone around you is having babies. Im 37 so all mine have multiple little people. Try and stay positive though as it could be your turn this time round and cycles can be completely different. Plan lots of nice things to take your mind off it and sometimes take some time to just feel sorry about it all as you are entitled to! Really hope things go well for you this time xx

[Bibble-2016 in reply to El1a80]

Hi, really glad to hear you got a better second round. I've been freaking out that a second cycle would just be a repeat performance. Good to know a change of drugs can make such a difference. Well done you and good luck! Xx

[sharpy87 in reply to El1a80]

I'm glad your second round has gone better.

What stim drugs did you take? Did they change your drugs?

My clinic are just upping my dose for the second round.

When is your test date? I hope you get a bfp x

[El1a80 in reply to sharpy87]

Hi

First time round I was merional and second time bemfola. Both times had cetrotide as well. They upped my dose aswell. When are you starting your second round?

Had transfer on 7th and told to do test on 21st which seems a long time compared to some people on here but will do what im told!

Best of luck for your cycle too, hope it goes well xx

[sharpy87 in reply to El1a80]

I'm taking buserelin atm. Iv got my baseline scan on Friday and hopefully il start the menopur on sat.

It's weird that every clinic uses different drugs. I'm at a nuffield clinic who take NHS but we are paying privately as the NHS waiting list was taking years!

Im taking the same drugs this time as I did before, just a higher dose. My clinic haven't offered me any different drugs.

How are you feeling in the 2ww?

Last time I started bleeding 9 days after transfer and it was game over! I worry the same will happen again! X

[El1a80 in reply to sharpy87]

I know, there are so many different drugs and sometimes feels a bit like pot luck which they choose but they seem to know what they are doing! Think they changed mine as they saida lot of people who don't do well in merional respond better to bemfola.

Sorry to hear your nhs wait was too long, its such a postcode lottery! Once we had a referral it was only about 6 weeks before initial consultation but to get to referral point took forever and was really frustrating.

Only 2 days into 2ww but feeling the most positive I have during this cycle. Keep thinking this is the closest ive ever been to being pregnant so trying to enjoy it. Worried it will be even harder if its another bfn though as at least last time I was expecting it.

Hope your baseline scan goes well friday. Fingers crossed the higher dose makes all the difference for you. Try not to compare too much to first cycle, I know I did and it was driving me crazy! xx

[buckyberry in reply to sharpy87]

I'm worried my dosage for 2nd round isn't going to be enough! They've upped clomid from 150mg to 200mg per day but nothing else has changed. Menopur is still 150 per day which seems so low compared to others! Last time (1st time) I had 3 eggs which became 1 EB and 1 blastocyst...no pregnancy. I asked to up dosage this time as I want to have some to freeze. Only change is 50mg more or clomid and menopur was so low to start with! Do you think I need to go back and speak with them again?

[sharpy87 in reply to buckyberry]

Hi, I'm only taking menopur. I don't know what adding clomid does or if that impacts the dose you need?!

I took 225 menopur last time and got 3 eggs/ 1 embryo/ 2 day transfer! This time I'm taking 375 menopur! I'm happy with the dose increase and I really hope something will happen!

I does sound like your on a low dose, but I don't know if that's because of the clomid?

What did you clinic say?

To start with my clinic said they would only do 300 but I said we are self funding and I can afford to keep getting no eggs so they upped it more!

Have you started injecting yet? X

[Lind1607]

I know how you feel my husband and I found out the day my niece was born that he could not have children it took me two weeks to even travel down to see my niece . But you have to stay strong , it is tough and it is hard to hold that baby but when you look in to its eyes and know that your it's auntie this love rushes over you which you can't help, I love my niece so much and I still find it hard as I'm having ivf at the moment and if it doesn't work then I will have to go through a 2nd round but you just have to keep that hope alive and let your family in on how you feel as it helps , I hope it all works out for you

[sharpy87 in reply to Lind1607]

Thanks for your reply.

It's so tough isn't it??

It sounds like you'v been soo strong, I'm very impressed.

I wish I could just be fine about it, but Iv turned in to a bit of a recluse! I try to avoid anything that might upset me as I cry most days as it is! I don't go anywhere I know pregnant people/ children will be! Iv also deleted Facebook etc so I don't have to look at scan pictures and baby announcements. My sister knows about our situation but doesn't really get it and still sends me scan pictures and invites to baby showers

Not being able to get preg is such a life ruiner!? My biggest worry is that it won't happen and il feel like this forever! X

[Lind1607 in reply to sharpy87]

Don't turn your back on people with kids especially in your family you have to stay strong and fight for what you want , I'm only on my first round but it's taken a lot already, I hope you can sort things out xx