Half a follicle!!!!

How is it even possible that they only found half a follicle even tho I already know my AMH is a joke and I'm early menopause, but no eggs and half a follicle, I don't even feel like woman anymore, I just can't take how hard this is, I am going with egg donation but what if that doesn't work? How will I live my life without being a mum I'm just so desperate, I don't know why this is happening to me I feel so broken and I can't find the strength to be positive even tho I know I have to, all I want to do is be in bed and be left alone, I can't see a time when I will feel happy again, sorry to vent ladies I'm just struggling this week.

[smithy1986]

egg donation is a totally different ballgame hun, honestly. All you need is a healthy uterus to grow the embryo, everything else is down to the donor. My sister in law is going through it at the moment and has a lovely healthy pregnancy. She went abroad for her treatment in Cyprus and she's with a company here in the UK so there's no language barriers or anything and she felt just like you do now, hopeless, just remember there is so much hope, don't give up on yourself, you are absolutely a woman, and a strong one at that xxx

[emu2016 in reply to smithy1986]

Sounds like me and your sister in law might be based with similar clinic (although there are tonnes in Cyprus... there aren’t many linked to UK.) is her clinic based in Yorkshire? x

[smithy1986 in reply to emu2016]

yes! she travels up from London now, the clinic is in Leeds for the UK part, I think that's the most I can say on the community though haha xxx

[emu2016 in reply to smithy1986]

Tell her snap from me! x

[smithy1986 in reply to emu2016]

aww I'm so pleased, she loves it there too. are you on the refund programme too? xx

[emu2016 in reply to smithy1986]

Nope. We considered it. But chose not to. Sometimes I think that’s the best way! I know a few people on it at various clinics and it works x

[smithy1986 in reply to emu2016]

best of luck hun! I hope you get everything youre looking for xxx

[emu2016 in reply to smithy1986]

And you! And your sister! x

[smithy1986 in reply to emu2016]

Thank you hun, shes actually pregnant on her 2nd transfer and the pregnancy is going great (besides the sickness), I'm so jealous but I cant wait to meet my beautiful little niece or nephew! xxx

[emu2016 in reply to smithy1986]

Eeeeeeep!!!!!! This is the bestest!

[smithy1986 in reply to emu2016]

I know I cant believe it, she has been ttc for nearly 8 years, had a last ditch attempt with her own eggs and was finally able to draw a line under it, now shes got everything she ever wanted. I hope you do too xxx

[emu2016 in reply to emu2016]

I like finding women who are in the same clinic... esp Donor Egg women! x

[genten]

Bless you. It's so difficult and I don't have any answers but just take each day at a time. Mirroring the message from smithy1986, you are definitely a woman, strong and brave.

Thinking of you xx

[emu2016]

Aw I know all these feelings. Not many eggs and those I have a rubbish. Donor Egg ivf is really hard to get your head around; but I have. Went to Cyprus and I’m linked with a clinic in uk and it’s great. Got a BFP first time; but sadly it didn’t last. Round two starts soon. Good luck x

[gattonero]

Hey, I feel your pain. Sorry to read your words. Last year, at 34, I was diagnosed with POF. My AMH was 0.2. NHS fertility doctors were so blunt with me telling they couldn't help me because of no funds and nearly 3% chance of success. It stroke us to bits. Then we decided to react: we went to a private clinic, I retested and AMH was 0.7. Not much difference though. I've tried with a natural cycle as I had two big follicles at first scan but didn't work, then started ivf cycle with high dose protocol (but ovaries didn't respond) and eventually tried with lower dose protocol. We managed to produce only 2 follicles. I did EC but only 1 follicle was considered for fertilisation and it didn't fertilise

That happened last November. We have now moved to the USA for my DH's job and we are meeting a new doctor soon. We decided to try IVF again another time but if it doesn't work we'll consider donor egg. We're trying to get our head around that, it's not easy but at the same time I'm reading so many positive stories here re: egg donation that they give me hope.

Regarding "not feeling a woman anymore"... I've thought about that for sooo long. and it's a very difficult feeling to share, even with your hubby or your friends/family. it's part of our society to acknowledge that women have the gift and duty to reproduce. as soon as you we get married everyone is asking about your future kids. There's so much social pressure around it and then so many women getting pregnant so easily around you. Before testing for AMH we were concerned but not obsessed by having a baby, however after the diagnosis I started feeling surrounded only by pregnant ladies!!!

Thing is that we are on emotional rollercoasters all the time. it's hard but please don't isolate yourself, share your pain with whoever you think can help you and try to find positive things in your life to hang on.

that's what I'm trying to do now. trying to remind myself that I'm lucky for certain things despite our infertility issue. and trying to feel hopeful about our future.

you're not alone in this fight !

[Hidden in reply to gattonero]

Thank you for your message and understanding it amazing to feel like there are people who get it, because I think unless you've been through this pain it's impossible to understand.

I'm sorry to hear about your AMH, I remember when I was first told I felt like it wasn't real and they must have made a mistake, and when I told my family they said the classic line of just relax it will happen!!!!! Which obviously made me die a little bit inside because I knew that was nonsense but I of course smiled and agreed. And now I'm dealing with my only possibility is egg donation which sometimes I'm totally happy with and then I go into melt down and can't stop crying.

How is the treatment in the US? I hope you are ok and have support ? Life is so unfair, thank goodness for this forum xxx sending love and positive thoughts to u xx