Having a breakdown

[HannahJas]

Hi Sorry but I just need to talk to someone. Am supposed to be going to an IVF seminar tonight as we've been ttc for over 3yrs. I've been on Clomid for 4mths and have been told only allowed 2 more cycles with it. Just keep thinking I shouldn't have to go. I should be here with our newborn baby in my arms (I had an ectopic pregnancy and my due date is this week) instead I've started my period today and I'm having to think about IVF. My husband works away so I'd be going alone tonight and all I want to do is curl up in bed and cry. That's what I'm doing atm anyway.

[Lilli79]

Hi HannahJas I'm so sorry to hear you're not feeling up to this evening. It can be really hard to accept that you still don't have your baby even though you feel like you've come so close to it. A lot of the ladies on here can relate to the really sh1tty situation of being so close but so far away. Having been there, the only thing that helped me (oddly) was going to a few ivf open evenings, because it felt like i was doing something about it rather than feeling completely helpless. As well as that the info you get there is quite useful and will put you at ease at what the next steps are. Maybe you could go and then treat yourself afterwards (wine, ice cream or nice film? - or maybe all 3!). Hope you feel better soon xx

[HannahJas in reply to Lilli79]

Thank you for the reply. Thinks it's just too hard of a day for me today, what with it being due date week and starting my period today. There's another in April that I've decided to go to instead xx

[Petree86]

Hi there, my heart goes out to you as I know how difficult this journey is. What I would say is try and go tonight if you can, more for the reason that you will meet others who know exactly what you're going through and that may be a comfort to you. But I know it's effort at times to do things when your feeling low so if staying in and watching Netflix will cheer you up then go for it.

Just take it day by day, moment by moment.

[HannahJas in reply to Petree86]

Thank you. I'm staying home tonight now. Not been a good day and would feel like a fool sat crying on my own! Xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Due dates are really really hard. It’s normal to be grieving. I’m sorry you’re feeling so sad though. Big hugs xxx

[Kaylon]

Hi Hannah, you're definitely not a fool. I've sat at home doing the same both on my own and with my partner. It feels so unfair that something so natural should be so unachievable. I read a really nice post on here earlier about grief. I think a bit of crying is totally fine. It helps you to mourn the loss of not having a family, the family you should have had already and the easier natural way. Cry and mourn it a bit and then when you've cried hopefully you'll feel better. I like to imagine that all my friends who just fell pregnant just like that will maybe not appreciate it the same way we would. I find in life if things come too easily sometimes we don't value them quite as much. It took me such a long time to meet my lovely partner. That alone is a miracle. Think about the blessings in your life, the love you share with your husband and that you'll always have each other. And keep positive. There are so many miracle IVF babies. All fingers and toes crossed you'll get your little miracle too xxx