Waiting for my GP to ring me today!

[PurpleLove19]

I’m up on my day off, bright and early enjoying a lazy day on the sofa watching comedies waiting for my lovely GP to ring me.

As I’ve just typed this I’ve put my phone on loud 🙈😂.

We went last week and her face- I don’t know if she thought it was going to be good news or what but she was shocked/surprised to see us.

The last time she saw us I was a wreck, couldn’t speak for crying and she signed me off work for 4 weeks to deal with it all.

Last week we explained the journey we had been on, how the clinic that she highly recommended was messing us about. She was so shocked and not happy. She said she would ring them on Friday which was her day off. Her first day back in work is today and that she would ring me to let me know how she got on.

Fingers crossed she’s give them a good talking to and has got to the bottom of all this.

She said she would speak to the first consultant, who was great as the second one seems well... not my cup of tea.

The one thing she was happy about though was how strong I was in comparison to the last time she saw me. She said you’re ready now and you need to get started.

She even told us a success story of her own, which normally I hate but coming for a health professional seemed more genuine.

I’ve got my 5K run next week.

I’m planning fun things for the summer- I’m no longer waiting around for appointments to pop through my letter box. Life’s too short.

I’m still hoping for a miracle and I won’t ever give up.

It’s half term this week and to be honest I’ve enjoyed doing absolutely nothing. Taking time to just relax is what I need.

The husband isn’t great- I’m starting to really get frustrated with him. I’m going to be honest I find him miserable to be round! I’ve told him go the docs but there’s no point.

I could scream at him some days but I don’t, he says I nag him but I think that’s because he’s making me feel agitated with his low moods.

He’s tired all of the time- wants go bed as early as 7:30pm. Yes he has to be up at 5am everyday but he’s home for 1:30 in the afternoon! I said to him last night you’re not tired you are depressed and you need to sort it!

He thinks a baby will alter his mood? I don’t know and the fact he’s “tired” all the time well a baby will certainly not sort that out!

Even last week after we came out of the docs together he still had a face on him despite her trying to sort things. I know the issues are with him but I worry that if he doesn’t get his act together soon there won’t be an “us” anymore.

I think it’s safe to say we are having a “rough patch”. I think it was better when I was depressed and he had to be the positive one but the roles have reversed.

X

**UPDATE**

The GP is on the case- forms for referrals are currently being filled out and now I’ve just got to wait for a letter for us to begin- not getting my hopes up but I’m just so happy that things are being done for us! If this doesn’t cheer the husband up then I don’t know what will.

My cycle begins this weekend so it definitely won’t be this cycle. I’m hoping August- after a cheeky sunny holiday 😎! But if they want to proceed before then who am I to argue 🤷🏻‍♀️ I intend on having a bump for Christmas 🎄🙏🏼

[Hidden]

Hi yes my partner can be the same we have been through so much and he's been dealing with it better than I imagined tbh but theres times he slides he goes quiet hardly speaks to me he's tired hes been like this the last couple of days I need to talk to him tonight make sure he's ok. After his mother died in feb he originally said he would see a dr but men never do I think he's just sad and not depressed. I got frustrated with him aswel, he makes me feel its about me and our relationship which makes me sad and angry and its not its him he's not happy with himself doesnt know how to express and let it out.

I have to say my partner did say if it was him with the fertilty issues its game over he'd feel cant think of the words he said but like useless, unmasculine and devastated he couldnt father a child so maybe hes really taking it hard and needs reasurrance or some kind of support. Luckily for my partner his results were fine and its more my age factor so I have to deal with the gulit of possible not being able to give him a child instead. I really hope you can get through your "rough patch" talking is always needed. Best of luck x Also enjoy some rest time you need it too x

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

I get you and completely understand how is feeling. The one thing I want that you can’t just go out and buy he can’t give me.

He is going to feel so much guilt if it doesn’t happen. But equally it’s hard for me as I have to love him unconditionally despite it being his body not being able to give me the one thing I want.

If it was the other way round I know I’d carry guilt. Shouldn’t be that way but it is. At least it’s not both of us with the problem which makes it less stressful. If the doctors are right and my body is perfectly healthy to conceive and carry a baby then that’s half the battle isn’t it.

I’m sure we will be okay once we get going with treatment I think we both will.

Good luck on your journey x

[Hidden in reply to PurpleLove19]

It is, I feel the same I get far less support and even positivity from him at the minute. It’s not an easy time I’ve hated the last 2 years.

[PurpleLove19 in reply to Hidden]

Oh hun 😥

It hasn’t been hearts and flowers for us either. It’s the most frustrating and upsetting thing anyone ever has to go through x

[Hidden]

Hopefully will both get what we want soon than later x

[Hidden]

I am glad you have a good supportive GP you can go to that makes such a difference. How sweet of your GP to make a call on her day off 🙂

I hope it all went well with your appointment & some good came away from it ❤️ hope you can start making progress it’s such a draining process. Lots of waiting around & can feel relentless at times.

As for your hubby I’m sorry he’s feeling bad & im sorry for you too it’s not easy for you either.

With us it was me with the “issue“ ( I have endometriosis) but my hubby was great very supportive. He reassured me even if we couldn’t have a child he loved me & it would be ok . It was really hard I felt guilty as I had a child already & was the cause of infertility . But my hubby said if it was him would I love him less of course I wouldn’t. I think he was relieved it wasn’t him , he would openly admit if it was him with the “issue” he would’ve struggled to have coped, he would’ve felt less of a man which I think is silly but that’s how men can take it. We just kept talking it was really hard & neither of us could face to admit to each other that we feared we would never have a baby together, only when I became pregnant did we admit that.Your hubby sounds like he feels guilty about the situation & is aware of how much this baby would mean to you both. Obviously you don’t blame him but maybe he is blaming himself.

It sucks everything out of you but we determined it wouldn’t break our relationship it had claimed enough!

I don’t want to sound preachy but maybe if you can enjoy some time alone together 🙂 TTC can take over & at times my hubby felt like he was some kinda spare part in operation get pregnant, we can laugh about it now I was totally consumed by it & sometimes he got & felt shelved & he says he didn’t feel as though he was enough for me. I was a nightmare I do feel sorry for him!!! I never meant for it to come across like that, but that’s how he saw it at times! I think men really struggle to express their feelings. They need to feel they are still special & included in everything ( even tho they are frustrating at times & don’t always listen!)

I’m sure you will work this out together & come out of this stronger than ever 👌🏻 if you can survive this you can survive anything ❤️ and I hope you get the miracle baby you so throughly deserve 👶🏻 and all of this to become a distant painful memory. xoxo