My fears confirmed πŸ’”

Hi everyone today is otd and despite our bfp earlier this week, it's now a bfn πŸ˜”I've been so worried about this because first I was spotting and then properly bleeding but kept trying to tell myself some ladies do bleed and are fine or it could be a vanishing twin because there were two embies but I think I knew really, I think you just do.

We're just devastated, to have it there then taken away feels so cruel, 4 cycles with nothing but heartache and feeling like a failure at the end of each. I know so many of you unfortunately know how that feels. My usually super jolly and ever-positive hubby is struggling more than I've ever seen him do before 😒

My SIL put on facebook a post about seeing their babies heartbeat and it's just broken us..why not us, what did we do wrong..

Anyway that's a lot of self pity and I'm sorry for the doom..I'd love to say I'll come back fighting but I honestly think that might be it for us. I'm not sure I have it in me to do a 5th cycle, not to mention the cost. I wish everyone else so much luck and I'm so pleased there has been some good news here this week. Much love to you all and thank you for all the kind words and support, an already tough time would have been so much harder without you all xxx

64 Replies

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  • I'm so sorry to read your post this morning. It is heartbreaking to have it snatched away from you. You're both in my thoughts. Take some time to heal together and to look after yourselves. It's such a punishing experience; you deserve some you time. Big hug xxx

  • I'm so sorry. Take lots of care of each other.

  • Im so sorry hun sending you big hugs xxx

  • I'm so so so sorry Georgina, it's so cruel when this happens :( take some time out and please don't blame yourself. Sending hugs to both you and your husband, it's so hard on our other halves aswell xx

  • I wish I could find the right words, but I never will be able to...everything seems so inadequate!! Your post made me cry at how desperately undiscriminating and relentless the whole process is...I truly feel for you both xx

    I hope there is some comfort and peace for you in the coming weeks 😘

  • My cycle buddy 😘 I'm so so sorry. I wish I could give you a big fat hug and I hope hubby is doing that lots despite his own grief. It is grief you are both experiencing, make no mistake about that. You must allow yourself to feel every emotion - don't bottle it up or feel guilty about having a good roar! When you are ready, you WILL be able to pick yourselves up again and think about what to do next, but in the meantime, hold onto each other and plan a nice meal for just the two of you (with maybe even a nice cold bottle of white πŸ˜‰). I'm thinking of you and here whenever you want to talk. All my love xxx

  • So sorry xx

  • I am so sorry sweetheart. The ups and downs come in tidal waves. I am thinking about you. Xxx

  • So sorry to read this.. Heartbreaking.. Sending loads of love and hugs.. Xxx

  • Georgina I am so sorry to be reading your post this am. You have been so brave a d this result is just so so unfair.

    You need to switch off for a bit and allow yourself and your hubby some time to let things sink in.

    I too had 4 cycles and felt broken by it all but also could not drop my desires so I am not about to start with DR as it's my best option but it's not for everyone.

    Sending you lots of love and thinking about you. Take care of each other sweetheart ❀😘

  • I'm so sorry, I really hoped this cycle would be different for you after everything you've been through. Take some time and hopefully you will both find some strength in time x

  • Am so sorry... The true cruelty of this journey cannot really be explained in words, all too well lots of us know that pain you are feeling right now. Take it 1 minute by 1 minute we can all get through a minute.

    Big hugs to you and hubby 😘

  • So so sorry to hear this you have been through so much. Look after yourselves and in time when things are less raw you might feel differently xxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this. You are so kind and thoughtful to others in your posts. I hope all your immediate friends and family are kind and thoughtful to you and your husband today. Thinking of you both xxx

  • Oh my lovely there are no words. I was so so hoping things would be different. No decisions needed at this time about next steps. I don't blame you for feeling like "you're done" I do too. Just take a step back and focus on loving each other xxx

  • So sorry Georgina! Look after each other, big hugs!xx

  • I'm really sorry to hear this Georgina78. It is such a hard time for you and your DH. Thinking of you and hope you are able to take a bit of time to come to terms with things as best you can and be kind to yourselves. All best wishes for whatever you decide to do in the future. xx

  • So sorry to read this, look after each other xx

  • Georgina, I'm so so sorry to read such sad sad news, I wish we would be able to comfort you with words but the reality is that we can't, only you know how this may feel. I wish there was something we could you for you, this journey can be difficult one at the best of times. You we're strong and upbeat all the way through and it breaks our hearts to know that despite your inner strength, you wer dealt the harshest blow Georgina.

    Please note that we will always always be here to support you on the next chapter with whatever you decide. Our thoughts and prays are with you during this difficult time.

  • I'm so sorry hun xx

  • So so sorry. Big big hugs. Will be thinking of you today. Heart breaks for you. xxx

  • So sorry. Big hugs. X

  • Heartbreaking news. Sadly I also know the cruelty of when you're so happy and then it's taken from you.

    Look after yourself. X

  • Terribly sorry Georgina.The heartache that ivf causes is too much to bear.remain hopeful that one day you will have a family.all we have is hope.take care of yourself and get some much needed rest.you fought a good fight .hugs to you .

  • Sorry sorry to hear this. It's especially difficult when those around are pregnant. I don't have much to offer in the way of words but I'm thinking of you xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this. Sending lots of wishes.. Xx

  • I'm so sorry. Big big hugs. Xx

  • Lots of love and hugs Georgina. You mustn't be sorry for being sad and frustrated. xx

  • So sorry to hear this, look after yourself and send hugs to you both x

  • So sorry πŸ˜₯ Sending love your way. Take care xxx

  • So sorry Georgina that is so tough. Take care xx

  • Aww I'm so sorry to hear this, I hoped so much for good news for you πŸ™ sending lots of hugs to you both xx ❀

  • I'm so sorry my dear . Like most d gurls mentioned here that d heartache of this journey is unimaginably painful. I don't think there's any info to measure our hearts sorrows. So many tries, so many prayers, so heartbroken. But u still need to hang in there. Please don't feel guilty at all . We r all there and we understand it . Sending u hugs my dear

    Xx

  • I'm so sorry it hasnt worked georgina it's just so unfair and unjust how things turn out, I'm thinking of you and send my love xxx

  • I'm so sorry to hear this hunny, sending you much love ❀️

  • Thank you so much everyone for your lovely words, it really means a lot. Yesterday was tough but we're just giving ourselves some time then we're going to make some big decisions about our next steps. We are going to see the consultant then we'll hopefully feel a bit clearer afterwards.

    We have started to talk more about adoption so that's on the table, I've come to realise I just want us to be a family, rather than solely wanting to be pregnant.

    Thank you all for your support, you're really a wonderful bunch in this hidden little community! 😘😘😘😘

  • Have you thought about coming off Facebook? I had to when my SIL was pregnant (and 2 others) as I knew I wouldn't be able to cope with pregnancy / baby related statuses. I did it to protect myself and I'm glad I did. Of course you will still have to face your SIL at times but it might help to remove yourself from social media whilst you get over your loss.

    Good to hear that you're exploring other way to have a family xx

  • I think I'm going to log off and leave it for a while jojo, having it just there on your phone makes it too easy to keep opening then ending up upset πŸ˜• It's useful to keep in touch with family & friends overseas/other ends of the country so I wouldn't want to regret shutting it down completely. Thank you xx

  • I'm so sorry. Take lots of care of each other. Sending big hugs xxx

  • Thank you Katrina xx

  • I'm so sorry hun wishing u all the best in whatever u decide the next step is xx

  • Thank you Tara xx

  • I'm so, so sorry lovely. My heart breaks for you. Give yourselves time - take care xxx

  • 😘

  • I'm so sorry babe this journey is just so cruel, be kind to yourselves. I feel my endo getting worse with each cycle... race against time isn't it xxx

  • Me too Hun, I'm already 39 and convinced it's the endo preventing these good embies from being able to stay 😒 If I have another laparoscopy that could help but I'm only getting older in the meantime, not sure what to do yet xxx

  • Yes my doc told me this week that the endo can interfere on a 'chemical level' whatever that means... I'm going to have the Uterine NK Cells testing next month hopefully, see if that can be ruled out or if need any treatment... IVF plus endo = a double whammy of hurt and upset... we will get there babe xxxxx

  • Oh Georgina78, I'm so sorry to read this 😒 I feel like you are my mirror buddy! I wish I could say something to make you feel better but other than saying I know exactly how your feeling there's not much more I can offer.

    It will have made it all so much harder for you with your SIL's post too. Mine announced it on Facebook on Monday too. We all work as the same place and I'm glad I've been off for the last 2 weeks. It's all so unfair isn't it.

    I've got one cycle left, however I've already been planning out next move for after then and have come to terms with going down the DE route and with the help of some lovely ladies on here I've been researching quite a lot and think when the time comes we'll be going to Cyprus and also combining it with a much needed abroad holiday!

    It's such a shame we can't all just meet up and put the world to rights over a drink!

    Sending you a huge hug xxx

  • We do have lots of similarities Hun, how are you finding it with your SIL? It must be so hard to work together, you're stronger than me for being able to manage that. I wasn't sure what to think when mine put that on because they knew we were in the 2ww (just didn't know the exact day otd was) and I was a bit upset they hadn't thought we could have found out bad news on the same day as seeing that. They've been so sensitive prior to that so I'm not sure if this is how it's going to be now πŸ˜• I just wish they'd only posted it to certain people like you can on facebook, and not us!

    It's good to have a plan isn't it, I really hope you won't need to use donor eggs as this one will be successful but Cyprus would be lovely if you go down that route. We're going to ask the doctor what he advises but I think my eggs are ok, it's just my body/possibly the endometriosis that is preventing them being able to stick around πŸ˜•

    I would love to meet for a vino and lots of understanding! If only we were all local, that would be lovely! Big hugs right back at ya 😘 Xxx

  • I'm new here but I just saw your post and wanted to say that I'm so so sorry, Georgina. It's so unbelievably unfair and painful to have to go through all that you have. Thinking of you both and sending you love xxx

  • Thank you Clare_lou that's really nice of you, a big welcome to this lovely forum too xx

  • Aww so sad to read this, your right it is so cruel, but your wrong to say you are a failure, I no every month when we struggle with infertility how we do feel we are a failure, but beleive me you are far from that, you are and every woman on this network are strong!! Stronger than any other women out there, we fight daily, plenty cuddle time for you and hubby, thinking of you both, I said broken hearted at the start of my journey and all along it is better to try and fail, as to never try at all!! Much love β€πŸ’‹πŸ’‹

  • Aw thank you, you're right we do fight (an invisible) battle every day 😘 Xx

  • Bless you love; take good care of yourselves ❀️ hugs

  • Thank you Sherry xx

  • I'm so, so sorry Georgina, words can't express the depth of how utterly soul-destroying this is for you, I sympathise completely... I wish I could say something to make you feel better but I know I can't really and all we can do on here at these times is just support you and understand entirely how you're feeling so that you know you are not alone in what you're going through. I got a scan of my SIL's 12 week little bean whatsapped to me out of the blue on Thursday by my brother in law and though I'm pleased for them it made me so miserable for myself. It's an awful feeling for so many reasons. Sending you massive hugs and DM me any time you need to ((())) xxx

  • Thanks so much Claire, I really appreciate it. I definitely know I'm not alone with all you lovely ladies, I just wish it didn't feel like that with everyone around me πŸ˜•That must have been so hard to receive out of the blue, I think I would have just broke down if my SIL sent me that, hope you're ok? 😘 Xxx

  • Thanks Georgina - I just replied to your posting so I won't waffle on again here but I appreciate your thoughts and sending lots of hugs back to you at the moment. I'm just not thinking about my SIL situation if possible, trying to consider it as being beyond my control and just hoping they'll be sensitive as her pregnancy progresses but we'll see..! Xx

  • So sad. I felt for you when I was reading your previous posts and was hoping for the best news for you. I hope you can comfort each other in this time of loss. You will come out the other side of this in time but until then be kind to yourselves and you know where we are if you need us xxx

  • Thanks so much Rosalietea 😘 Xx

  • I'm so sorry to read your news, it's utterly heartbreaking and leaves you so empty. Try to be together and comfort each other through these dark times. Don't decide now give yourself some heeling time and organise some fun things to do as a couple. In a few months time you may feel differently, we are going down the DE route and are off to Spain in July, shout me if I can help with any info at any time. Big hugs to you xxx

  • Thank you Hannah, I definitely feel empty..I feel like it's going to be much harder to bounce back from this one 😒 I know you (sadly) understand how it feels, you have been through so much too. I'm struggling because I think we need some time but I'm also keen to have a plan asap otherwise I just feel adrift. The clinic are trying to get us an urgent appointment with our chosen consultant so I hope that is soon and we can plan our next steps. I think there's issues with implantation so we could do with more information on that.

    I hope it goes really well in Spain and this is your time 😘 Xxx

  • Thanks lovely, I'm sending you a big hug πŸ€—. Ask them to test all your bloods for implantation issues, I had the same I was getting embryos but they never made it in the 2WW. They found I have Prothrombin Factor 2 which means my blood is thicker and has a higher risk of clotting so I now take aspirin everyday and during my ivf I will take blood thinners. The other thing they found was I tested Positive for MHTFR so my body doesn't absorb Folic Acid and B6 very well so they whacked me on a super dose and I'll

    continue to take this until I'm out the other side. The side effects of this is implantation issues. So all of these things are useful learnjngs I will ensure I have covered in my next round of DE. Ask them to test you, you just never know what they may find and it will help you with your next decisions.

    Nothing can take away the sadness and turmoil you're going through, you are never alone and we are all here for you. Big hugs sweetheart 😘🌈 xxx

  • Thanks so much for this info Hun, so sorry you have these barriers but I'm glad you've found out and are able to address them. I really hope it means success for you this time. Were these tests an add on & extra costs? Or something your clinic were willing to do as part of the overall costs?

    I will discuss it at our next appointment, thank you and for the hugs 😘 Xxx

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