Fertility Network UK
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STRESS TEARS STRESS!!!

Hey ladies.. I recently found out January 9th that im going to have to go through IVF to conceive a baby😢 which i took pretty bad as im only 27 and didnt want this?!? I dont have any children or been pregnant ever! So since then ive been on a emotional rollercoaster, sobbing nearly everyday due to the shock etc.. anyways my sister is having her 2nd child May and the same week i found out my bad news that i Cnt conceive my own baby my sister asked me to throw her a babyshower!! As a good big sister i agreed even tho it broke me inside😢 as i was still coming to terms with my news.. as of yesterday we had words! I asked if we could change venue etc as she wants me to pay hundreds of pounds for this venue etc which I physically cannot afford as im about to buy my 1st house as you know is expensive with all the solicitors fees etc on top and going through this baby news aswell is very stressful!! And I admitted to her that im struggling to plan it money wise and emotionally!! My sister said to me “its not my fault you cant have your own kids, this is about me and my baby!!” She said other nasty comments but this hurt me to my core!! So now im not doing it as I physically cant, emotionally and financially! Her friend is now doing it.. my husband is not happy at all! His watching me cry my eyes out which I hardly cry ever! And watching my sister being just a selfish horrible person to his wife and the fact she asked me to do this made him mad! Ive had no support or compassion off my sister when i got my news ‘NOTHING’!! Am i being silly and overthinking it all?!? Help me please..

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Wow. What a spiteful thing for your sister to say! I'm shocked. I think you did the right thing in telling her that you are struggling emotionally so I'm sorry that she took it so badly. I hope that she was just reacting in the moment and comes to regret her nasty comment.

It's a good thing that her friend has taken over. You need to focus on you. I think your sister probably feels bad about what she said (I hope so) but you may have to let things lie before you sort things out - though I definitely think you should let her know how hurtful and insensitive her comments have been.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It's hard. But at least you have started your ivf journey now. Stop fretting about your age and think of the possibilities :)

Good luck with everything. Look after yourself.

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No you are not being silly, not at all! What a horrible way for your sister to react, very nasty actually! Let you sister simmer over what she has said to you, Im sure she will realise in time what she said to you is awful. I think you should take some time away from your sister and spend some quality time with hubby. Im not surprised your hubby is angry, he will just want to protect and look after you as he loves you and seeing someone so upset is heartbreaking. Sending you massive hugs. Its time to focus on yourself and sod everyone else!xx

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Oh no, I am fuming on your behalf. Your sis sounds like a very immature person I am afraid. I have learnt that there is nothing you could do to change the other person. Protect yourself. Xxx

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I don't think you are being silly, I would be devastated if my sister told me such a thing... you need her support and empathy. My sister sometimes tells me of for being negative, some other times I can see that if you haven't been through this you don't understand how it feels. But as my sister she tries her best.

Now it's time for you to put yourself first. You need to accept the situation and try and be positive. During this time, try and be mostly with the people that makes you feel good...

Lots of love and luck!

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I’m sorry to hear you are having this trouble with your sister. You are not overthinking things at all. You did the right thing by being honest with your sister and telling her you were struggling with the situation. Her reaction was very hurtful and it’s understandable that you are now upset. Don’t be afraid to put yourself and your feelings first. You have just received life altering news regarding your fertility and you need to give yourself time and space to come to terms with it. I really hope your sister realises how insensitive she has been and apologises. In the mean time it might be better for you to have some breathing space away from her and the talk of her baby shower. Sending you lots of love 💕 xx

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Don't expect your sister to understand what you are going through. She sounds selfish and I know it's easy to say but don't stress over it.I am waiting for my first IVF so if you need anything I'm here.Baby dust to you 😚

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Dealing with insensitive people - often our closest ones - is still my biggest challenge of infertility experience. There is no excuse for your sister’s behaviour and I think it is good that in the end you won’t be preparing the shower party. You need to look after yourself as it is a difficult time. Be positive as you are only 27 and time is really on your side :) x

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You have every right to be upset and to feel the way you feel. It's hard enough to get such horrible news and not have support of your loved ones. Try to keep a reasonable distance between yourself and your sister and focus on looking after yourself and get to terms with what lies ahead for you. Please also be mindful that her body is raging with hormones and shes probably just frustrated with her own issues.hopfully she will come around and realise how horrible she's been to you. People who have babies easily sometimes never understand our anguish and pain .its up to us to just take care of ourselves and hang in there. I was so devastated in November 2016 when I was told ivf was my only chance. I cried for days and got right onto the Ivf journey. 2017 was the hardest year of my life as I did numerous cycles, as I write this it worked on my 4th cycle and I'm waiting to go for my 12 week scan in early February.you are 27 so you really have a great chance if it working first time. hang in there, and don't despair, this forum has really been a life saver and you will get lots of support here. All the very best with everything.xx

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