BFP....meltdown.. worried

Got my BFP, got my scan 2nd March, feeling scared and anxious about scan because last time I saw the heartbeat but it was weak and ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Last night I had my first meltdown and got really upset, which I know is not good for the baby, but I was feeling overwhelmed that I couldn’t help it. I feel paranoid about everything, am I eating the right things , have I ate something I shouldn’t, am I moving around enough, am I resting enough, have I picked up something heavy, telling myself I shouldn’t have picked up my 18month old nephew for those couple of seconds. Is that cramp I can feel, am I going to bleed, one day I am feeling sick and gagging, other days I feel normal, is this a bad sign. I have all this running through my head because I want to make sure the little one survives this time. I feel it’s my responsibility for this to work and I feel overwhelmed and under pressure because it is all on me to do the best I can to make sure no negative energy runs through my body and that I make sure I get right to the end. Feels like Big Brother, like family and friends that know are watching my every move, I know they mean well but I think they make me more paranoid. I know I need to relax, some days I’m buzzing with excitement that I am pregnant and others I am so frightened because I want this so bad. Those few that know about my situation tell me to treat it as a normal pregnancy now, that you are in the same boat as every natural pregnancy now and that its natural how I’m feeling but that makes me angry because it’s not the same, it takes a lot more to get to this point. Sorry about the long message xx

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  • I can completely understand why you are feeling anxious. Just wanted to try and reassure you that the vast majority of people who have a miscarriage go on to have a healthy pregnancy 2nd time round. I think it is so natural to worry about everything you are doing and what impact it has but nothing you are doing will cause a miscarriage. You will be leading a much healthier lifestyle compared to the majority of people who fall pregnant naturally as all of us on this journey have worked so hard to try to get pregnant. I know it will be a long wait til your scan. Be kind to yourself and if you have a meltdown from time to time, that's ok - it won't cause any harm. Can you get an appointment with the counsellor at your clinic? Maybe it would help to have someone outside your family and friends to talk to. Best wishes xx

  • Hi Suzanne,

    You have been through so much!, Don't beat yourself up for worrying!. It's normal!. I understand as i have been there. I think you will relax a little only when you have your scans..I know I did. I think friends mean well when they say ' you are pregnant, enjoy it!' They just don't understand the journey.

    Sending you a huge virtual!

    Lots of love xx

  • Hello,

    I can completely understand why you feel anxious after everything you've been through.

    I just wanted to pass on advice my counsellor gave me. When I was feeling really overwhelmed by my thoughts she said I should say "thank you thoughts, I'm well aware of what you're telling me, but i'm not going to deal with you right now".

    You then do 7/11 breathing (where you inhale for a count of 7 and exhale for 11). Allow your body and shoulders to relax as you breath in and out, focus on the counting and nothing else, repeating until you feel calm. I found it really helped.

    Other advice is to take it one day at a time. Don't think further ahead than what you have to do today. Keep busy - walks, box sets and adult colouring books are all good for keeping you occupied.

    And, nothing you have gone to date (inc lifting your nephew - I lifted mine loads!) will have done any damage at all.

    Good luck for the scan x

  • Hi Suzanne,

    I've been through this too many times now and it's natural to question what you did or didn't do and difficult not to blame yourself. There is just so much advice out there on mc - caffeine, lifting, cats, microwaving plastic, liquorice, exercise, jacuzzis...the list is never ending. But unfortunately the reality is that mc isn't caused by anything you did and can't be prevented by anything you do or don't do. I went through the same feelings but I was investigated and I know now it was nothing I did, they found a medical reason for mine and more often than not, there is no reason found. Try not to blame yourself and try not to carry the burden of this all on your own - your partner is in this with you.

    I went to counselling and got very similar advice to Hopeful1982! It is good advice and the counselling is definitely helpful.

    To be honest, you're probably not going to truly relax until you get that 12 week scan and you're over the 1st trimester. This is how it was for me at least. I tried to keep busy to keep my mind off it all. Natural conception didn't seem to work for me (I lost 3) - IVF meant that good embryos could be chosen and so far so good as I approach 19 weeks. I think that is the advantage of IVF, choosing an embryo that looks good, keep this positive thought in mind.

  • Thank you all for your messages, I've got another worry to add to my list and that's I'm now full of a cold so I'm now asking myself is the little one ok. I will try some of your methods out thank you for your support means alot X X X

  • I'm with you on this one- lost my last pregnancy at 13 weeks. I'm now nearly 8 weeks and yesterday we had the heartbeat scan which was all good, but baby is about a week too small. They said it was nothing to worry about- might have implanted late or to be honest it's so small it's hard to measure, but I'm having another scan next week.

    Hubble is being so positive, he is just so relieved there was a good heartbeat as I've had some bleeding. But I am convinced this is all going to end because I make embryos with something wrong. And the further you get the better it is obviously, but also you've got so much more to lose.

    I thought the lady you suggested just taking one day at a time was spot on. There is nothing we can do at the moment except look after ourselves and wait. X

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