Got my BFP, got my scan 2nd March, feeling scared and anxious about scan because last time I saw the heartbeat but it was weak and ended in a miscarriage at 8 weeks. Last night I had my first meltdown and got really upset, which I know is not good for the baby, but I was feeling overwhelmed that I couldn’t help it. I feel paranoid about everything, am I eating the right things , have I ate something I shouldn’t, am I moving around enough, am I resting enough, have I picked up something heavy, telling myself I shouldn’t have picked up my 18month old nephew for those couple of seconds. Is that cramp I can feel, am I going to bleed, one day I am feeling sick and gagging, other days I feel normal, is this a bad sign. I have all this running through my head because I want to make sure the little one survives this time. I feel it’s my responsibility for this to work and I feel overwhelmed and under pressure because it is all on me to do the best I can to make sure no negative energy runs through my body and that I make sure I get right to the end. Feels like Big Brother, like family and friends that know are watching my every move, I know they mean well but I think they make me more paranoid. I know I need to relax, some days I’m buzzing with excitement that I am pregnant and others I am so frightened because I want this so bad. Those few that know about my situation tell me to treat it as a normal pregnancy now, that you are in the same boat as every natural pregnancy now and that its natural how I’m feeling but that makes me angry because it’s not the same, it takes a lot more to get to this point. Sorry about the long message xx
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