Fertility Network UK
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Christmas blues

Hi everyone. Haven't been around for a few weeks. Thought I'd lessen my load here as can't at home.

I'm hating this Christmas malarkey more than ever. Barely bought anyone presents. Haven't written cards. Generally fed up of hearing about / seeing everybody's perfect family times. How horrible am I!!??

Literally nothing to look forward to. Have cut myself off from friends over past couple of years as can't bear being around them and listening endlessly to children talk.

Family is all split so no lovely gatherings over the Christmas period.

I usually dislike all the fuss but this year it's on another level. Sure I'm depressed but husband won't have it ....

Anyway I needed to write this down. Sorry to be so negative. All the best to you all xx

9 Replies

Maybe you need to stop focusing on all that is wrong, and start looking at everything that is good. If we didn't feel depression then we would never feel happiness. Its unbelievably hard to feel happy when you haven't got a baby, when others seem to get pregnant so easily, but this is not your fault nor anyone elses. I know its hard hun, but try to see the light at the end of the tunnel and make your way towards it, otherwise youll only be upsetting yourself more. I usually find a good old heart to heart with my hubby gives me so much clarity. big hugs to you, and good luck xxx


That's great advice. Normally my husband is my rock but he's 'wobbly' too at the mo so I'm trying to shield my 'low mood' from him.

Thanks for taking the time to respond xx

1 like

Its Ok sweetie its a very tough situation for you both. Us women always forget that our husbands/partners are suffering just as much as we are but we completely overlook it because weve been putting our body through it. Perhaps you and your hubby need some time to yourselves, away from the drama and IVF talk and go back to your roots, enjoy each others company and take it as it comes. best of luck to you both and have a wonderful Christmas and new year xx


Your not horrible at all, this journey is a tough one and Christmas/birthdays can make everything feel even worse and emotions are heightened. Have you thought about reaching out to your friends and explaining about what your going through? Maybe they’ll surprise you and be able to offer some support. I’m struggling this year knowing I should be carrying my baby and with all the ‘what ifs’ but am trying to focus on enjoying the time with my Hubby. If you feel like you are depressed maybe speaking to your GP would help? Xx


I completely understand where you're coming from. I'm fed up with other people's perfect Christmas pictures of the little ones around the tree, the "surprise" pregnancy announcements, and the constant shoving it in faces of new born babies. It doesn't mean I'm depressed though, and perhaps it doesn't with you either? This journey sucks, big time. And it's completely normal to feel angry at the rest of the world from time to time. And especially at a time of year when everything is about family and kids. Please don't be too hard on yourself. Look for the friends who have been supportive, they are the ones you want to keep in your life. For those you've not confided in but pushed away, ask yourself why that is and are they worth confiding in now. Reach out to us lot on here who know every feeling you're having. It may feel like you have nothing to look forward, but to quote a well known (but clearly right now forgotten!!) person and cliché, this too shall pass. Sending you big hugs xxx


Thankyou for your understanding. I really appreciate your time and words xxx


I don’t think it’s up to your husband to decide if you’re depressed, it’s up to your dr. I think it’s definitely time to head to your gp for some help.

Also, are you eligible for some counselling through your fertility clinic? You don’t have to take your sessions as a couple, you can go by yourself.


I'm struggling too this year. I think Christmas reminds us all of what we don't have and the excitement that builds up from families preparing!! Honestly, if I see 1 more picture on Facebook of a child visiting Santa I'm pretty sure I'm going to explode!!

A week today and it's the 27th December - let's get through the next week all together xx


Thankyou for your supportive words And empathic post. Sorry you're feeling in the same boat.

You're right in a week all done and dusted (then New Year!) and then back to work etc. We CAN do this!! Take care, my lovely xxx


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