Starting to hate christmas

Hiya ladies. Just wondering how you all cope with this time of year. I am finding it extremely difficult this year to be christmassy !! This time last year I was at the end of my 2ww which was a negative and now this Christmas I can't switch off to the fact that I should be due just after Christmas but had a miscarraige at 6 half weeks pregnant. My friend who is due 9 days before I would of been is going in to have a sweep today and I am all over the place. Another christmas childless after 10 years ttc is proving difficult. Infertility sucks !! 😭 what do u do to try take your mind of our situation when it's all I can think about !! Xx

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  • Omg I am going through the same!!! Lost my 1st baby at 9+2 was due 25th January....my best friend is due the same day!!! I have been really struggling can't be arsed with Christmas I'm dreading seeing her I'm so upset and down from it its heartbreaking I was ok but now it's getting close its hurting I really feel for you it's so awful!!! I am so sorry your going through this xxx

  • Ivf3rdround so sorry your in the same situation. I just don't know what to do with myself I cry over any little thing atm I can't snap out of the thought my belly should be about to burst and our lives should be changing for the better. I have avoided seeing my friend as much as possible 2bh but I am seeing her Friday and I just know I am going to a emotional mess afyer she leaves. I am over the moon for them I really am but I am already stressing over how I will react when I meet her little man for the 1st time 😢 do u have any treatment planned to try again ? Xx

  • Yes you literally have said everything I feel I'm so emotional at the min, plus due on, iam so happy for her of course I'm sad for me, me and hubby just having Christmas together don't feel like seeing anyone, don't you find you can hold it together when you see your friend but after just break, that's one of my main worries is seeing her baby I don't know how I'll react as I should be holding mine, I don't really have any tips to help but I have been baking Alot that helps a bit, I don't honestly think there is much that can help until I'm pregnant ( had a chemical at 4+6 in october) we are doing our 3rd round in January think transfer will work out 2nd Feb, but I'm not overly excited as I know what can go wrong.....have you got a planned cycle? Xx

  • No we don't have any atm we trying to save enough money for 2 rounds I hate this not doing anything in between so just incase I would like to know I have another round if unsuccessful. I am dreading it because after 2 round I know how quickly things can go wrong so need to try stay positive. How u feeling about your 3rd cycle ? Nervous ? Xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear that -wow I can't even imagine how I'd feel after that amount of time-I have been ttc 5 years 5 months and I'm on my 4th cycle of clomid which looks like I'm out this month.

    Bloody Christmas makes it feel-every Christmas I say next Christmas I'll be pregnant or have had a baby. Never happens though..

    No great advice I can give you-I think we all struggle this time of year more. Just to say you are definitely not alone-if that makes you feel any better. Be kind to yourselves- and if you want to avoid babies and pregnant women that is fair enough-I know I'm planning to duck out of a family get together that involves a baby-not that my husbands family get it-they have been awful about it to me all turned against me. I may have to fake a stomach bug! So I spare an argument with my old man 🤔

    Roll on 2017- I hope it brings you a baby 😘

    We are all here for you don't feel alone x

  • Hi daydreamer89. Oh this is never easy! You lost your little one so early, when you will probably already have seen the little heartbeat. We have to go through so many anniversaries, such as baby’s due date and your own birthday etc and it takes time to take everything on board especially with all the constant reminders we get. It is important to tell yourself that the feelings you are experiencing are quite normal, and it’s important that you choose how and with whom you spend your time at the moment in order to minimise any distress and to look after yourself. There are always going to be pregnant women and babies around, we can’t alter that, and remember that most people experiencing infertility do so as a couple and often feel very isolated, so apart from each other, it might be good to confide in one of your best friends, or a close family member. Your friend who is going to have her “sweep” will be feeling anxious too, so she will be needing support, and in return will support you, I’m sure. Don’t feel that you have to rush to see her baby, there is no need. Just send a card – not even a baby one – and explain that you will see him/her in the New Year. It’s such a rubbish time for so many of you girls without rubbing your nose in it! Have you tried attending a support group at all? You may find this helps if you haven’t already been to one. We have lists on our website fertilitynetworkuk.org if you’re interested. Meanwhile, you have your partner, so try your best to enjoy each other’s company quietly if necessary. Egg and chips for Christmas dinner?? Thinking of you. Diane

  • Hi there, I know exactly how you feel. I had a miscarriage at the end of May and that baby was due on Christmas Day. To top it all off, I'm in the 2ww and due to test Boxing Day. I'm hoping that a positive will take away some of the pain, but a negative result is just going to be a double whammy. I'm trying to be active and occupy myself, but spending Christmas Day with my sisters and their children and my husband and his children just highlights even more so the fact that I'm the one without a child. I don't really have any answers on how to cope, I find myself being really resentful. However, I think it's normal to feel the way you're feeling and I guess the only thing we can do is to continue to be positive and not give up on the dream. Good luck x

  • I was on my 3rd and final 2ww this time last year and OTD was 31st Dec, we got another BFN a crap end to a hard year. We had planned to do something special this new year's eve but wider family plans have curtailed that.

    Feeling like you do is normal, be kind to yourself. I wasn't very good at that myself so I used to think what would I say to a friend who was going through the same situation.

    Less than 2 weeks after out 1st BFN a close friend announced her pregnancy. It hit me really hard and I was so worried about seeing her baby, ruining her special time and getting upset. I agreed a plan with hubby, we went when no-one else was going to be there and that if it got too much I would make my excuses and leave. I was ok when I held him and our friend gave me the choice to or not. As hubby put it she is my friend and would understand if it got too much. The hardest part for me is seeing hubby with kids, our friend's baby seemed to take to him instantly as do most kids.

    Sadly our journey has ended earlier this year as 3 rounds of ICSI was my limit. I still think of the babies lost from natural conceptions especially at Christmas and their due dates. This is again natural, as time has gone on it hurts less but I doubt it'll ever go away. There are a few children in our wider family but no babies (& I doubt there will be any pregnancy announcements due to age) so Christmas is fairly safe.

    Perhaps make some plans to do some enjoyable things together, they don't have to cost much or be OTT to be special. Treatment and failures have an emotional impact so you might need time to pamper yourselves.

  • Oh, hun, I'm so terribly sorry for you! Lovely ladies shouldn't suffer like this, but unfortunately it happens to us. We also had heartbreaking Christmas years ago when we were told our first ICSI cycle failed. 2 years ttc and this first failure seemed a lifelong period then. I even can't imagine being in your shoes. I'd want so much your situation change completely for better the coming year. I'm afraid I don't have answers how to get distracted from all the thoughts - it is the huge emotional rollercoaster. But just know you aren't alone and we support you and keep you in our prayers. Sending you loads of gentle hugs x

  • I feel your pain, this day last year we finally got our much longed for positive on our 6th ivf attempt after 7years of ttc, I started miscarrying Xmas eve and had a horrible Xmas & New Year. Just so hard to get into the festive spirit this year and just on auto pilot at the minute. Our 7th attempt failed in July so we gave up for the time being to rest and enjoy our wedding/honeymoon in October. Had NK cell test last month and came back normal so starting next and final round of ivf in january. Here's hoping 2017 is the year for all of us, big hugs to you all Xxx ❤

  • Thank you so much for your kind replies. In a strange way it's nice to know I'm not on my own and not totally loosing my mind because some days I question if i am lol its hard to avoided babies this Christmas when my family atm is full of lil ones. Wouldn't change them for the world but it hits home that all I want is our own little bundle of joy to spoil this Christmas and everyday. Flossy85 we were going through similar together last year I'm sure of it hope your as good as you can be lovely 😚 here's hoping that we will all get what we want in 2017 😚😚 thanks again ladies xx

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