Having a wobble

[Aleelilook]

Just a bit of a wobble really, I’m feeling a bit all over the place. One moment I’m feeling positive and like it’s ok if we go down the donor route, and other times I feel completely helpless and broken. I actually have no problem with egg donor, and if we can have a baby that way then bloody marvellous! But this failed fourth round is taking its toll. I’m meant to be back at work on Monday (secondary school teacher) and the thought is just dreadful. I’m also aware that our baby that we lost in May was due on the 7th of December, and that is getting me down. I know I need to just go in and get on with my life, but it all feels too much at the moment. Sorry ramble over xxx

[E_05]

Can totally relate to your post, it’s understandable to be feeling the way you are your still grieving not just for the loss of your baby but everything you’ve been through during your last cycle. It’ll take time to rebuild your strength, is there no way you can have a bit more time off work? Keeping busy works for some people but not for others, you need to do what’s best for you xx

[Aleelilook in reply to E_05]

Thank you lovely. I could go to my gp tomorrow, but I’m not sure if I’m just taking the piss! I don’t think I realised how a year of treatment has worn me down, and I suppose no one really understands if they’ve not been through it, so I just feel a bit lame! Xxx

[E_05 in reply to Aleelilook]

Your not being lame at all, treatment is tough. I’ve realised this time that I need to allow myself to grieve and put myself first. If you need more time off then take it, like you say no one understands how gruelling this truly is xx

[Hidden in reply to Aleelilook]

no you are not taking the piss as you have been through loads recently so its bound to have affected you.

[Amanda86]

No need to apologise. When you need to have a ramble this is the place to come 🙂

I think maybe seeing your GP and having a little extra time off work might be good for you? You shouldn't feel like your lame at all, your not!! You've had a tough time and there is only so much we can take, we're only human after all 🙂

Xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Amanda86]

Thank you lovely xxx

[Hidden]

Defo don't rush back if your not ready, you have been through a lot take your time xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Hidden]

Thank you xxx

[Fredaflintstone]

I agree, if you’re not reasy take some more time - it’s such a difficult thing to go through and it does take its toll and now of course your loss will be on your mind. Put yourself first for once - I bet you don’t often!! Xxx

[Aleelilook in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Thank you, yes it’s bloody hard! I think we just pick ourselves up and dust ourselves off and then one day it slaps you in the face! Xxx

[TTCs]

I agree with the other ladies, put yourself first and try not to worry about work. I know it's tough but you are more important than any task waiting for you at work 😘

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

Don’t underestimate how significant a due date of a miscarried pregnancy can feel. On top of your recent ivf loss, you’re dealing with lots of big and difficult emotions. If you need more time off you might need to take it. Alternatively, being full on and back to work might make you feel better as it will take your mind off it.

Big hugs xx

[Tugsgirl]

Sometimes it is all too much. It’s tough, it’s emotionally and physically draining. It’s exhausting. Don’t be hard on yourself. You’ve been through a lot xx

[Poppy16]

I am really sorry to read your post. You have suffered so much. Sorry to hear of your loss in May. It certainly isn't at all easy to lose. Time may heal a bit but the pain of a loss never leaves you. Please don't feel you need to rush back to your job when you are clearly not well enough emotionally. It's better to take a week or two longer off than to rush back and not be able to cope in the sense of not having the heart to deal with all the demands of secondary school teaching etc. Maybe you could do with a couple of days away somewhere for a change of scenery and to help lift your mind a bit. You will get through this wilderness of emotions and frustration etc. Xo

[Aleelilook in reply to Poppy16]

Thank you Poppy xxx

[Persian40]

Hey lovely. I am feeling the same. Not got over miscarriage in June and just so miserable all the time really. The baby would have been due in January which is also when my birthday is so everything feels very grey! I am also looking at donor eggs now and still coming to terms with that. One minute I'm very happy with it, the next I worry if I might feel like the baby is another woman's and will that affect the bond. Take care of yourself anyway. I should have taken more time off work, so I would recommend you do x

[Aleelilook in reply to Persian40]

Thank you lovely. Ah my birthday is also in January, so rubbish birthdays all round! I actually spoke to my counsellor and he was helpful when we talked briefly about egg donor, have you spoken to anyone yet? Xx

[Persian40]

No I haven't. Think that will be next step. Did counselling help you think about it in different ways? X

[Aleelilook in reply to Persian40]

Well I’ve been seeing him for a year now about fertility stuff but lots of other things! We’ve only touched on it briefly as I was having a meltdown over life this week! But what he did say did definitely help me think about why women donate and that it’s a really wonderful thing, but you need to go to the right place, for me it’s really important that the donors are 100% sure, and that it was an ethical process. I think it’s going to take some tine and more therapy coming to terms with it, but I felt far less lost if that makes sense xx

[Persian40 in reply to Aleelilook]

Thank you. I think that's why the thought of eggs from abroad worries me. I'm also a bit worried about egg sharing from UK women though. My friend who needed IVF donated eggs. After 5 cycles of IVF they did investigations and found she had endometriomas on her ovaries, meaning the quality of her eggs are very poor. There's no checks in the UK on that, so you could be receiving eggs which are not healthy. It's all such a minefield! X

[Aleelilook in reply to Persian40]

Oh I didn’t think of that, yeah it’s only after 4 rounds of ivf that it seems that my eggs are a bit useless, so I suppose it makes sense, christ it’s all so worrying! There must be some sort of contingency for that I would hope?!!! Would you stay with your clinic? Xx

[Persian40 in reply to Aleelilook]

There have been times when I've not been overly impressed with my clinic but the other local one is no better and I can't realistically travel that far for treatment because of work. I think they are all much of a muchness really. Are you staying with yours? X

[Aleelilook in reply to Persian40]

Yeah I’ve been with them throughout and I really like and trust them, and they’ve got an egg bank there so feel like I can trust it in turn, anyone would think I had a bloody money tree growing in my garden though the amount of money I’ve spent there!!😩😂xx

[Persian40 in reply to Aleelilook]

It sure is crazy money! I've only had one failed cycle but we can't afford lots of cycles so the next one has to be careful choice. My clinic still think I should try my own eggs again but given my age I think it's a waste of time x