Having a wobble.

[Hope4usall]

Today I feel really torn about what to do for our next step.

I'm doubting if using a donor egg is right for us now. I don't know if we should give my own eggs one last go?

I'm sure people must feel like 'lets just give it one more try' and before they know it they have been through 4 more cycles!

I know embies can make it from the grading that mine were last cycle (2x3cc) and my current partner and I have only had one cycle together and he has apparently got super sperm!! I'm torn and don't know what to do for the best!?!

My partner doesn't think its right to keep trying the same thing and expect a different outcome, but him and I have only tried once together. I had two failed IVF cycles with a previous partner and his sperm had poor motility but with vitamins and stopping alcohol it came back to normal level ( but low end of normal).

Any positive words of encouragement out there?

[Tugsgirl]

I can’t really advise but I want to wish you luck whatever you decide xx

[forMoira]

I would say it depends how old you are. If you are in your 30s it is worth trying again. If you are 40-42 you need to weigh up the financial and emotional cost against the odds of success. I stopped at 42 with my own eggs though I feel there would still have been a chance. If you are older than 42 I would suggest letting go and moving on to donor eggs where your chance of having a family will be much higher.

[Hope4usall in reply to forMoira]

I am 40 in March. My amh was 5.5 when checked in Jan. It is so emotional. I k ow I've got it in me to do it again with my own eggs, but need to take everything into account including my partner's feelings. Thanks for your comment x

[forMoira in reply to Hope4usall]

It sounds like psychologically you need to try with your own eggs one more time. If you think your relationship is strong and you can afford it, then I would suggest speaking to your partner to try to get his support for one last try but making the decision that this will be your last try with your own eggs. Good luck whatever you both decide.

[Billywhizz10]

I think you have to grieve and need space when you move onto donor eggs. We did, along with couple counselling. If you have the money and strength for another go with your own eggs, go for it. Natural cycles seem to be the best option for women aged 40 and check if baby asprin will be of benefit, (although the tests can be very expensive) .

I think you have to get to a place where you can be at peace you gave it your best shot, before you move onto donor egg. It all depends on your financial and emotional situation.

With us, after years of trying we decided to move onto donor egg, we were lucky as our first donor egg cycle got a BFP, my wife is 25 weeks now and shes glowing with her growing bump, with all the highs and lows of being pregnant, exactly the same if all those failed cycles had worked. It certainly has taken much of the pain of the last 6 years away. Its so nice being able to talk to family and friends about the new arrival, instead of hiding the pain of yet another failed cycle, or visiting family and friends and trying to put a brave face on with their new babies and children, when in fact it was very painful.

Best of luck to you whatever you decide!

[Hope4usall in reply to Billywhizz10]

How does your wife feel carrying the baby? Is she worried about bonding or when the baby is born?

[Billywhizz10 in reply to Hope4usall]

Honestly, when you see the little thing waving at you on your 12 week, then 21 week scan, it becomes ALL about the baby. She had some bleeding at 13 weeks and thought it could be miscarriage, so rushed to A & E, only to be told we have to wait till morning to get scan. The thought of losing the baby, my wife was crying for hours, then tears of joy when she saw her waving at us on the scan and the bleed was nothing to worry about. So she's bonded to the baby already, I think its impossible not to as it grows inside you,we spend hours at night feeling our baby kick, its a truly wonderful experience. We married very young and put off having kids, I think because we were just kids ourselves and wanted to have fun, so left it every late, (didn't start trying to 37) and it wasn't happening.

I know my wife very well, we've been together for nearly 20 years, and I've never seen this maternal side of her with her bump, choosing baby names. You have to think of parents who adopt kids and don't have the whole 9 month pregnancy 'adventure' they love their kids, and bond with them, they are yours and no-one else's.

With my wife, it was getting to the end of the road with her own eggs, that has made her embrace this chance to be a birth mother, but the fact you have doubts is perhaps a sign you need to 'make peace' first and have another go, you have nothing to lose if you are strong enough. With us we tried so many times, ( around 6 times!!!!) that we really thought, we gave it our best shot, there was zero doubt with both of us, and although I would have continued trying if she wanted, she was well and truly 'done' with trying with her own eggs.

Don't give up, one way or another, you will have a child! x

[Hope4usall in reply to Billywhizz10]

Thank you. It was lovely hearing you story of finally getting a BFP!! Good luck with the rest of the pregnancy😊

[Cinderella5]

I had a few cycles with my OE and moved onto DE. I was 39 with an AMH of 7.19. We got 3 blastocysts with 2 cycles using my hubbys sperm which the clinic said was down to the quality of my eggs. I must admit that at the time if we had loads of money we may have tried my OE again but unfortunately we dont. We moved onto DE using hubbys sperm and in our first cycle we got 6 top quality blastocysts with them being 4AA, 4AB & 4BA so it turned out the advice about my egg quality being an issue was right. Im not pregnant yet but using my OE wasnt working, at least we have a much better chance! Good luck with what you decide!xx

[Hope4usall in reply to Cinderella5]

Thank you. I'm feeling a bit more positive about DE today. I think I need to process things and accept that my egg quality isn't good enough. At the end of the day we want a family and we want to see them grow up for as long as possible. It is hard to take that leap but I'm sure it will be a positive one. I can't wait to carry a child for 9 months, making all those dreams of being a mummy a reality! We need to start living! X

[Cinderella5 in reply to Hope4usall]

That's how I felt too, just want to have a family! Glad you are feeling more positive! There is definitely a greiving process required!xx

[PIPPEON]

Hi

Not sure where you are cycling but Tandem cycle might be an option? So you give it one last shot with your own eggs and Donor cycles at the same time. Then you can chose best quality especially if you do ACGH testing which can really make a difference to results (apparently). I haven’t cycled yet but just something to consider

[Hope4usall]

I've not heard of tandem cycle. What does that involve? Xx

[forMoira in reply to Hope4usall]

I think it means using your own eggs and donor eggs in the same cycle. My clinic refused to do this for me. They said it is not legal in the UK.