Birthday blues

[_MrsC]

Hi everyone. Feeling a bit down today. I turn the age that is my freaked out age tomorrow and the one that in my mind says it’s the end. Top that off af arrived yesterday. It’s like a vicious reminder. I haven’t celebrated my birthday for the last few years as I just can’t see the point. I can’t see the point of marking another year of failure with anything other than a routine day. Anyone else have this? My hubby’s down that I hate this time of year. It doesn’t help that I went to a pupil’s funeral on Tuesday. I think maybe I’m just in a total funk and feeling fed up with the world. Anyway, thanks for letting me get it off my chest. Xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I’m sad for you today. Any one of those things is enough to make you down.

I am making plans to celebrate my 40th with a big party because I know that otherwise I will only focus on the negatives. I’m trying very hard to count my blessings but some days it’s easier than others. Just sharing that so you know you’re not alone.

Dates are significant to me but not to my OH so he finds it hard to understand why they get to me. He didn’t even remember the due date of our first miscarriage despite the fact that it coincided with my 39th birthday. Sometimes I think men really are from Mars.

Anyway, enough of me rambling. Really I wanted to say I understand your pain, think it’s justified, and wish I had a magic wand to make it better for you. Big hugs.

[_MrsC in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Thank you. I hope you enjoy your party. I think the OHs just don’t know as much as we do because they don’t read up on it. They don’t realise the significance of things. xxx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to _MrsC]

My OH is also naturally more optimistic than me.

I know you said that last time would be your last go, but should you not think about trying one more time? At a different clinic that doesn’t feel the need to fall back on “genetic incompatibility” as a spurious reason for it not working? 35 really isn’t necessarily the end of the road. Forgive me if I’m speaking out of turn but I still feel cross for you when I look back and see what your consultant said about genetic incompatibility, it’s not an answer and also not based on fact!

[sharpy87]

I understand how you feel. I know it’s still young but I didn’t celebrate turning 30 as I have had years of disappointment and this was a landmark birthday that I’d always expected to be a mum by.

I also have a sister with the same birthday who was pregnant this year 🙈 awful times!

I don’t think it gets any earlier, but try to celebrate any milestone that you can x

[_MrsC in reply to sharpy87]

Thanks. I guess we all have our scary birthdays. It’s just sad. My sister was up last week with my eldest niece and they had such a lovely time shopping together etc. I was happy for them but realised that I’ll never have that lovely relationship. She’s very lucky to have 3 daughters and a good relationship with all of them. I realised that once they start having their own children I’ll be even more of an outcast. Who bothers with the great aunt really? Anyway thanks for the reply and sorry you had such a tough time with your scary birthday. xxx

[Kernishp in reply to _MrsC]

My great aunt is the lynch pin of our family! She never had her own biological children and went through a lot of pain seeing my grandad (her brother) and his wife have 8 children without even trying. When me and my husband had difficulty conceiving she just took us under her wing and made us feel better. Never under estimate the importance of the Great Auntie! X

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Awwww Mrs C. How upsetting your feeling like this. I'm so sorry about your pupil that's heartbreaking. Sorry hun.

Hun I don't want to ask your age but I need to let you know that my youngest sister was conceived by her mum at the age of 41 my sister is now 17 utter shock it was but it happened. Try keep your spirits up hun it's not over till it's over. Keep strong try get some positivity back and be proud of your age hun. You've give so many children a great teacher who they've learnt off and look up too. Please don't be upset

Big hugs lots of love 💗💗🤗😘

[_MrsC in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Thanks. I appreciate your kind thoughts. Unfortunately to me I still feel like a failure regardless of my job. Being a mum is all I ever wanted and I would give up my career in a heartbeat to have that. xxx

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to _MrsC]

I understand hun. Your not a failure hun. Please try not to feel like that. 💗🤗😘

[Bule84]

Hie MrsC,am so sorry that you are going through this difficult time in your life,am sure almost all of us have been there one way or another.Its totally fine to feel dosn sometimes but don't let it get the better of you,am a bit worried that u saying u r fed up with the world.Please speak to someone about how you feeling right now your Gp or anyone you really trust.Take care and thinking youXx

[_MrsC in reply to Bule84]

Thank you. I will be ok but I just feel sad with things at the mo. Our pupil just spent the last six months battling an aggressive brain tumour and it is just so remarkably unfair that he had to go through all of that. x

[Hidden]

It's sad and unfair... I am so sorry... It's normal feeling like that, simply going to that funeral must put anybody down.

I used to love birthdays and have a good relationship with my age. But I started seeing It as a another wasted year for the last two years ttc. And my ageing body as a useless body. There is another part of me that thinks that celebrating failures is even more important that celebrating good news. The good news make you happy by themself, but It is at the hard times that you need to smile to keep you going. I think I wasn't doing it because I was punishing myself. There is enough punishment around to add more, there is enough bad luck to blame myself for It. That voice that treats me bad, still speaks, but I think I will try and celebrate my next Birthday (35, which is also a fertility landmark for me) doing something that allows me to smile, laugh and also cry if necessary!

Hope you feel better soon. And please treat yourself well and be as kind to you as possible!

Xxx

[_MrsC in reply to Hidden]

I think you’ve just hit the nail on the head really. Thank you for being so candid. Maybe I am punishing myself. I can’t help it. I do feel like a failure. xx

[vic77]

Hey Hun.. I hate these kind of days and often something else happens that just magnifies things. That is so awful about your pupil too. I am turning 40 next month and I know exactly what you mean about birthdays. I feel the same about our wedding anniversary. I try my hardest though to dig deep and try for the sake of my dh. This birthday we have booked a city break. I find it definitely helps to not be at home. When we are away surprisingly we don't talk about our infertility which I think is a good thing..just that it's getting expensive to keep going away..lol...much love xxx

[_MrsC in reply to vic77]

Yeah I have the same about wedding anniversaries too but for some reason they’re not so bad for me. Good for you to book something nice for your big birthday. I hope you have a lovely time. x

[cls37]

Hey Hun I am so sorry about how you are feeling. This is a great place to get everything off your chest and hopefully get some support and strength that you need right now. It’s hard to celebrate when it’s the last thing you feel like doing.... do what you need and what may help you feel a tiny bit better to get through the day, tomorrow is another day and hopefully you will feel better. As my mindfulness teacher would say it is not your fault to feel like thisbit is how our brains work. Sorry to hear about your pupil that is so so sad xx sending you the biggest of hugs xxx

[_MrsC in reply to cls37]

Thank you Hun. I’ll come good in the end but just feel surrounded by sadness at the mo. One of my best friend’s nieces died this morning. It’s just never ending for us at the moment. x

[Hidden]

I know exactly how you feel. I'm all ready just to let xmas pass by this year.

Thinking of you. Sending a hug x

[_MrsC in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Hun. x

[Fredaflintstone]

Sorry you’re having such a hard time. I don’t know what to say except that I hope you find a way to be happy again. Would it be worth thinking again about another try or about exploring using donor eggs - I know the child wouldn’t be genetically related to you but you’d be it’s mummy for all purposes. I don’t know what we’d have done without this option. Sorry I know those are controversial suggestions to make to you. They do come from a good place. I don’t want to upset you. Sending you hugs and love and hope. Xxxxx

[_MrsC in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Thanks but I don’t think donor eggs will make any difference. We have unexplained infertility with the only explanation that we are genetically incompatible. However my Dh’s results are on the low side. Whilst I am feeling down at the mo, I can’t face going through another cycle and the eye watering amount of money it would cost. I’m not at all offended by your suggestions and know you are just being lovely and kind. Thank you. x

[Fredaflintstone in reply to _MrsC]

That sounds a strange explanation. Would be worth seeking a second opinion elsewhere at least and would that necessarily affect donor eggs?

I hope you feel better soon and manage to do something nice for your birthday today - you are v special and deserve to be celebrated! I’m sure that’s what your hubby thinks too. Even if it’s just some cake and a glass of fizz. Sending love and hugs xxxxx

[_MrsC in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Thanks. Ended up being a truly rotten day. My friend’s 4 year old niece died. I just spent the whole day feeling desperately sad about that. Thanks so much for your positive vibes though.

In regard to donor eggs, they didn’t say my eggs weren’t ok so I don’t think we’d need them. They just said we’re not compatible as ICSI was unsuccessful. Although that is just totally confusing.

To be honest, donors are not something we think is for us. If we get to a point of accepting this, we may look at adoption. Otherwise we’ll remain a two. I worry more for when one of us dies. I don’t like to think of us being alone without the other one. xxx

[Beebeestar]

Well I turned my big 40 June, still not giving up. Xxx

[Yammie1973]

Hey, I'm 44 and 45 in March 2018....starting the 2nd egg collection in January....Don't give up. I totally understand about bd's, my hurdle is Christmas.....can't stand Christmas, hence why I work right through.

[_MrsC in reply to Yammie1973]

Well done for keeping going. I just can’t face it any more. I really hope you have success! xxx

[7AVA]

Just wanted to wish you well and to tell you I’m your birthday twin as it’s my birthday today too. These feelings will pass and you will find joy in life again I’m sure, but for now, curl up and be kind to yourself. Sending warm thoughts your way. Xxx

[_MrsC in reply to 7AVA]

Thank you. Happy birthday to you. x

[jhb_c]

totally get this, im not planning on celebrating my next birthday either. When I turned 30 I told myself this would be our year to have a baby, that my 30s would treat me well...the very next day we found out we'd never conceive naturally. Life has its ways of bringing us back down to Earth, these things never happen on a random day, but always on a special one it seems. I think I'll choose a new birthday! Good luck with everything x

[_MrsC in reply to jhb_c]

I’m so sorry to hear this. It’s so difficult on those days that just signpost what won’t be. Most days I can grin and bear it but on those others, it’s so difficult to fight through. I’m really sorry you’re having such a tough time too. x