Miscarriage blues

[Tiffs]

Having had my second miscarriage a couple of weeks ago at around 6 weeks I am really struggling to pick myself up. My skin was terrible and my hormones were all over the place which is now improving but my mood is still so low. It’s starting to show in my relationship and I can see my husband is struggling. We have talked about how I am feeling but I just don’t know how to pick myself up and start again, at the moment I just don’t care. Any advice would be welcomed x

[Tugsgirl]

It does get easier I promise. All you can do is take it day by day. People suggested counselling to me although I never went I don’t think it’s a bad thing when you’re broken and struggling. I know I could book an appointment at any time if I needed to. If you haven’t considered it, don’t dismiss it yet. I’m sorry for your losses xx

[Tiffs in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you so much it’s so nice and sometimes easier to hear from people who have experience or understand the journey to how we got here and how hard it is xx I will consider counseling and look at my options xx

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so low, but it's a natural reaction to a dreadful experience. It does take time but, as Tugsgirl says, it does get better. I can totally relate to that feeling of hopelessness, the strain on your relationship, the terrible hurt and upset that feels like you'll never be able to shake it off. It's all consuming. But coming to this forum for help, advice and support is a good place to start. I don't think there's a short-cut or a way of avoiding the pain, and talking therapy may be a good option if it's available to you.

Try and seek solace with your partner. I know that's hard, because they don't feel the same way we do following the physical loss, but he loves you and seeing you in pain is likely to be really hard for him too (I really shut my partner out when I was suffering, and I know that was really hard on him; he felt hopeless). Try and keep talking, as hard as it is to put into words sometimes.

Sending you lots of love and understanding during this horrible time. You can always check in here when you need that extra bit of support xxx

[Tiffs in reply to Hidden]

Thank you all for your kind words, I can see my Husband just wants to take my pain away and make me smile again and I really do. I have considered counseling but stupidly feel like I have been defeated if I accept it and end up going. I will as you say keep on talking and sharing how I feel and hopefully see the light at the end of the tunnel soon x

[Hidden]

I’m so sorry for your losses - I had one last year and it’s very difficult.

It is early days so don’t expect too much from yourself. I agree with tugsgirl it will get easier with time- the hurt never goes completely but you learn to live with it.

It does put a strain on things- I tended to shut my hubby out and bottled it up- that wasn’t a good idea. In hindsight I should’ve seeked professional help. If you are finding it too much please don’t suffer in silence like I did do get help. xoxo

[Cinderella5]

I dont have any advice but didnt want to read and run. Grieving for everyone is different and we all have our different ways of dealing with things so I guess there are no right or wrong answers. Perhaps counselling might be something you could both consider? Hold onto each other tightly!xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie]

I have had regular counselling since my second miscarriage (in fact since just before that). I recommend it. I also have acupuncture which rebalances me.

[Tiffs in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

Yeah I have reflexology regularly which def helps rebalance me amazing how much worse I was befor that!

[Hidden]

I'm very sorry you are going through this. Counseling has helped me a lot. I just had my 3rd miscarriage 2 days before Christmas at 6.5 weeks. After my first one, I remember thinking that I surely couldn't live through a second one. After the second, I thought i'd put in my time and surely wouldn't have a third. After the third one, we quickly transfered out last embryo. It stuck but my betas are very low and so it's very likely that mc #4 is around the corner. Miscarraiges put a lot of weight on one's relationship, and having someone outside of the couple to talk to (like a counselor) has become indespensible for me. One thing that encouraged me was talking to a doctor who specialized in miscarriage, and she told me that some women just have a lot of them, BUT women who have miscarriages generally do end up having a healthy pregnancy in the end. So I try to remember that the fact that I can get pregnant is positive, but my road is long and painful and I need professional support to get through. I'm sending you courage for your jouney!

[Tiffs in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for your message. It’s Been 4 weeks and I do feel like I can breathe a little better now. I am starting to feel better. Now just to find some positivity and forge ahead. Def want to focus on me and hubby for a while xx

[Lizzielizzielizzie in reply to Hidden]

Three miscarriages should get you a referral to the recurrent miscarriage clinic for additional testing though, so if no 4 has not worked, please push for this. For me, finding out why we are prone to miscarriage has made a huge difference in what treatment we have- yes most women who miscarry do go on to have a baby but some of us need extra help (my history is on my page).

[Tiffs in reply to Lizzielizzielizzie]

We have been referred to the clinic for extra testing so fingers crossed like you we can find some reasons to help us move forward!

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry, I can't imagine how hard it must be. What has got me through awful times is to remember to take each day one at a time, rather than viewing the near future as one long, huge, difficult road. Also, an off the wall suggestion, one of my close friends, who has struggled for years with debilitating anxiety and depression, has recently had reiki, and it made the world of difference to her. Sending you huge hugs, to both you and your husband. you'll get through this xx