Am I the only one?

[jhb_c]

someone please tell me I'm not the only one who feels a huge marital strain? Some days I wake up and wonder if we'll even make it to the end of this journey! We talk and we discuss but like most men (sorry to all the men out there!) it feels half arsed on his side, he doesn't want to fully open up, and always deflects everything back to me, it's my choice, he'll do whatever. I've told him I need him to be proactive and take control of this as I just can't do it all the time! In the past 5/6 weeks I think I've had about 10 days at work because I can't cope with all of this....im literally falling apart and he's....playing Xbox like everything is hunky dory.....if anyone gets this....how do you deal with it???

sorry!

[Franco81]

I totally understand what you're saying and I wrote a similar post a few months ago. Someone sent me this link which actually really helped. Let me know if you can't see it (I'm not very good at this)!

waitingforbabybird.com/2016...

My husband and I have had lots of ups and downs since we got married two years ago and our infertility has really taken its toll on us too. It's such a hard journey and totally normal for us all to deal with it differently which when you're part of a couple can be very frustrating.

I hope you can find a way through it together and I'm adamant that when we do we will all be stronger x

[jhb_c in reply to Franco81]

thank you. I think that's the worse part, like you, we've only been married for two years. Some days i feel like our marriage is breaking before we've even really begun...it makes this journey even more unfair when every day I'm being strong about the fertility issues and on top of it I feel like I'm loosing my husband. It's so hard to share it with people too as they sympathise with the fertility stuff, and I think they expect me and the oh to be closer because of it, when in reality 50% of the time we're not...

[AS100 in reply to jhb_c]

Ups and downs (we’ve had loads) but you can do it!!! 💪 ✨⚡️...(I still can’t seem to work out where my replies will appear on the page!)

[AS100 in reply to Franco81]

Loved that link- thank you! X

[Leesara in reply to Franco81]

Did you read the book, looking at the link the book is fertility specific, which is amazing? but can’t find the exact same one on amazon damn it!!!

[louisear]

hi I completely understand where you're coming from. This journey is extra hard on us females and the majority is down to us. Before we started IVF I had to lose weight which I found really difficult esp over last Christmas but he just carried on as normal, popping cans of lager at the weekend whilst I sipped my sparkly water, cut out all the things I like and sweated it out at the gym. Now are fertility journey has failed we're now considering adoption although he isn't 100% keen and of course you need to be and more. When I mentioned about going to the adoption info evening he said "yes, if you want to." Shouldn't that be if WE want to! I feel your pain, I feel misunderstood by him xx

[lou79]

Hi, I am really sorry to hear you feel unsupported by your husband. Some men just can't process their feelings when it comes to infertility. They close up. When we were going through our IVF journey I got my husband a book called 'What to expect when she's not expecting' you will find it on amazon. Highly recommend it. Failing that, throw his flippin X box out the window good luck xx

[jhb_c in reply to lou79]

throwing the Xbox out the window will definitely result in divorce! It's not that he's not supportive, I think he doesn't know how to be you know? He's supportive when I ugly cry but cracks on with life for the rest of the time, you know? Like he ignores it until there's an appointment or something then he kicks himself into gear...i'll definitely check the book out, thanks xx

[Bella_12]

I’m totally with you on this. I feel It’s all I think about and my boyfriend seems like he doesn’t give it a second thought. It is definitely a lonely place at times especially when no one around you understands either ☹️xx

[AS100]

You’re definitely not the only one who feels the strain! The whole thing sucks and seeps into so many parts of your life spoiling it. But surviving it (& other life crap!) together makes you stronger 🙂 Xx

[Tugsgirl]

Sounds like my OH in many ways, not a huge talker, X-Box, Call Of Duty.. But I know he loves me and supports me a hundred percent. That we’re on the same page. We’re as strong as we ever were, maybe stronger. And still very much in love. My OH has always been like this and as frustrating as it is sometimes, I do accept that it’s his way of dealing with things. When I need him he steps up for me.

I hope you can find a way to support each other and come out of this stronger than ever xx

[vic77]

hey hunny..thankfully x box doesn't feature in our relationship as I think that would drive me nuts 😯infertility places a huge strain on your relationship abd I kind of feel like we have been robbed of our newly we'd years. .we decided last week to try to regain some of that lovely time if we could and try to have some fun and give the cruel infertility ride a break. we also went for some counselling as my dh doesn't say much yet I know he is hurting. .the counselling really helped him open up as she asked him direct questions and I just sat and listened for a change and he really opened up..your hubby will be hurting too..does he speak to friends? try if you can schedule some couple time and do nice non fertility related stuff. .remember why you fell in love, look at wedding album and old photos and above all try to laugh together. .sending much love xxx

[jhb_c in reply to vic77]

thank you! I'm starting to think counselling would be a good idea for us. It's definitely that feeling of having our newly wed years stolen from us x