Talking about cancer

[Alessia]

Howdy' good people! How are you doing today? I hope everything is fine at your end. I have been thinking a lot lately. Some of these thoughts, I decided to share with you. My life has taken a huge change for a very short amount of time. Before I was diagnosed with cancer before any of this happened I was an "artist"... I used to paint a lot on my free time. It was a hobby that I held so close to my heart. Mostly I would do abstract painting something similar to the profile picture I have, just more fantasy. After I started facing issues with my fertility I started to lose all the motivation, I had no motivation at all... Then things started to get better again. After I was able to paint again I got hospitalized and I had my uterus removed. Once I got home from that... I just haven't been able to do anything. I cannot paint anymore, it;s not that I lack ideas or anything I just don't want to anymore. I feel like cancer has changed my life a lot and I don't know whether I should blame it or thank it... I am so confused right now, I just felt like sharing with you all. Hope I am not boring you or anything. WIsh you all the best!

[Loopielu]

Just sending you a hug xx

[Alessia in reply to Loopielu]

Your hug is appreciated! Sending love back to you xoxo

[Hidden]

Hi alessia I'm sorry to read what's you've had to deal with I don't think anyone would go through this and not come out a different person and I'm sure it will take time to process all that has happened. I think that your very talented from what I can see of your profile pic and I hope that one day you'll be able to continue with your work xxx

[Alessia in reply to Hidden]

Hello nmill. Thank you dor your comment dear. Its awesome to be among caring people! Its as if somebody casts a spell on you... I cannot explain properly I guess. Hopefully you get what i mean... You see in my case not only facing cancer changed me. Now that my uterus is removed my body isnt the same. The sex hormones in my body are absent. The hardest thing so far has been this, the aftermath of the match. I am trying to cope though!

Ps: Thank you for the compliment. I wish i could say simply that but... The profile picture isn't a painting of mine. Its from my favorite artist. Thank you a lot though.

[Hidden in reply to Alessia]

I'm sure it must be a very difficult time for you and one that no one can prepare you for and it must be difficult to find the right support so I can understand when you say it's like someone has cast a spell. Take care of yourself I hope you can find some peace through time and I hope at some point you'll be able to continue your painting xxx

[Fredaflintstone]

You’ve been through so much it is not surprising you don’t feel like painting at the moment. You are still adjusting and trying to work out options for next steps and no doubt feeling sad inside - though I know you try to be positive and really helped me when I have been struggling. You will get your mojo back but in the meantime be kind to yourself. It will come. Perhaps you will find new creativity to tap into as a result of your experiences but for now take time to heal and most importantly be kind to yourself xxxx

[Alessia in reply to Fredaflintstone]

Its something that is out of our control. Such diseases hit you when you least expect them. I mean i have tried to be healthy my whole life but I had to go through this. This was written i guess! I believe that god never takes everything away from you. He always leaves something for you, be it as little as an atom. In my case the masses found on my uterus were all benin. I am super glad that despite this i can still live a normal life... I try to tell this to myself everyday, part of healing myself as you put it. Had these been masses that would eventually spread all over my body, things would be different. I wouldn't dare do surrogacy and leave behind orphans, it would be unfair. Somehow i am lucky i think. Thank you for your words dear. It means a lot to hear such words from kind people. I also appreciate the fact that you took tine out of your day to help me. Thank you a lot for that! May god bestow happiness upon you and your family.

[AllWeNeedIsluv]

Hey hun. I'm Cat we haven't met before but just wanted to say 🙋

When you've been through so much like you have, doing what you want to do or not want to do, Is not a bad thing. Time to reflect on life and sometimes just chill and pamper yourself is all that needs to be done. Don't be hard on yourself or rattle your brains thinking why don't I want to do my paintings. Sometimes it's nice to put everything to one side and be at one with your thoughts and even write them down like you just did. No doubt if you feel like painting you will ( lovely work by the way). I guess what I'm trying to say is just go with the flow and don't question why just take it as it comes. You need to chat I'm here like we all are. Sending big hugs and lots of love 💗🤗😘

[Alessia in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Hello to you too Cat. I am glad we met, the pleasure is mine. I guess you are right. Sometimes there is no reason why things are a certain way. They just are and its up to us to deal with them the best we can. From now on thats how I am looking at my state. Based on what everyone is telling me, the best thing would be to listen to you. I guess i could develope depression and all sort of bad things like this. Its important that i know that this wasnt up to me. Guess i just had to cross this and then be happy... I pray daily that the is the last test to my happiness. I am glad you like my profile picture. I would love to say thank you but to be fair this isnt a work of mine. I just love the painting, one of my favorite painters has done it. Thank you for everything else though, youve been a lot of help. I would love to chat again with you.

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Alessia]

Hi Alessia

I'm so sorry for late reply. I completely forgot to reply back. I just seen a reply you made to someone and then it promoted my mind. Sorry hun. I remember glancing at your reply I must have been tired that day and completley forgot.

How are you hun? Are you feeling any better what have you been up to.

I hope you haven't been putting strain on yourself to feel a certain way remember it's good to ride the emotions even when it doesn't feel good so long ad your not trapped there for too long. Really hope your doing well. Sorry once again for late reply.

I'm sure your work is super

Lots of love

Cat

💗🤗😘

[Alessia in reply to AllWeNeedIsluv]

Ohh don't be so hard on yourself dear. It happens to all of us :D. Hello to you too. I have been doing fine, thanks for asking. What about you? It seems that you have been busy since you are tired. I am glad that you have a lot of things going on in your life. There is nothing worse than a boring life. I love it when new things happen everyday.

Honestly I feel better than the last time we talked. Now I am on my way to full recovery... I would say I am 99 percent done. This 1 percent will be completed when I hold my baby. thanks for your complements and everything. You are a great friend and an amazing person. I wish everything is fine with you too. God bless you dear.

[AllWeNeedIsluv in reply to Alessia]

Hey hun.

Glad to know your doing a lot better. Thanks for the complement although it does seem your a very amazing strong person who has been through so much. Big b hugs to you hun.

I'm tired hun I'm tired I'm anxious I'm pregnant 5 weeks and I'm so scared I'm going to loose this one we've been trying for a sibling for 2.5 years and even though conceived this year twice 1 early one I didn't even know about in April and another one lost at 5 weeks in July I'm just so scared I'm testing like mad thankfully the lines are getting darker and today the test was darker than the control that's made me more positive. The tiredness is ever so worse yesterday I nearly fainted iv slept all night nearly all day. 😕 hopefully I will start feeling much better soon. I hope you get what you wish for hun and I send you loads of love hugs and positivity. I'm here you ever want to talk. Bless you also. Take care 💗🤗😘

[Scarlett13]

Sorry for the ordeal you're going through. When the time is right and the need and want to create art returns, you will know. Being creative is so therapeutic and healing. I think art and creativity are humans greatest power and reason for being - or at least how we cope and deal and reflect on existing and get enjoyment from our existence. I'm sure one day all that you have been through will motivate and inspire you to paint again and when you do you will discover yourself and be free to be you again x

[Alessia in reply to Scarlett13]

Hello precious friend. Its great to hear from you... Its not that i know you but i just felt good to hear the words you said. They sound just right. I want to believe in them. Many people have told me that such thing will happen. However what that feels like is that painting is gone for me. Maybe i grew out of ot... Its so weird when you have something for so long and then you just stop. Anyway i will know in the near future. If i continue feeling like this then it is over... Surprisingly enough i dont feel that sad about it. Its more of a shock than sadness. Thank you for the comment dear. I really appreciate all of you being here to help me. God bless you all!

[Daxi16]

So sorry to read this! Remember your a fighter who beat cancer don't let it take part of who you are! Your art looks amazing. I would give it a try again and maybe it could be a way of expressing how you feel? I can't imagine what you've gone through but you sound like a very strong lady sending hugs xx

[Alessia in reply to Daxi16]

Hello Daxi16 ! I am glad you liked the picture... I love this picture myself so seeing a lot of people agree with me, it is awesome. The thing is that this isn't a painting of mine. I wish it was but reality is different! I don't think that it is possible to just beat the shit out of cancer and walk out like it's nothing. I have never seen that happen before. It would be amazing to do just that but... You see most of the time when you face something huge you know there will be consequences on your life. THen again maybe it wasn't cancer... Maybe it's just me, I grew out of painting. I don't know for sure but I know how I feel. You are right about giving it another try. Doing that could lead to releasing some of the things inside me. I will make sure to do that! Thank you a lot for your comment. God bless you, sending more hugs xxx

[robbie03]

Can you use your art as an outlet to express your emotion - it may not be the same style you used to do, but it would show your journey? And little by little you’ll see glimpses of your original style coming back! Deep down you are the same person, but much stronger! Hope you are doing ok! Be proud of what you’ve overcome! Lots of love xxx

[Alessia in reply to robbie03]

This might be one of the best ideas I have ever been given. I will try to paint something like that... The truth is that I tried that. Just a couple of days ago to be exact! I hold my brush in hadn for 20 minutes or so... I did literally nothing else. While I was staring at the white piece of paper, I just couldn't do anything. I started a little near the end but it wasn't anything. I put a few black lines trying to draw a mother holding a baby. Once I started a billion ideas came to my mind. I wanted to make the baby a rose... Than I thought that's weird, how do i do that? I ended up stressing so much that I had to rage quit! However trying to draw instead of paint might be a good thing. I will do that right away, thanks for suggesting this. Maybe I just need to change the angle a little! Thank you for the comment dear, god bless you!