Fertility Network UK
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The lack of understanding

I am weak and pathetic! My friend and my good colleague told me last week that she was pregnant and she didn't even tried to conceive for purpose. Well, the moment was not much good for this news so that I didn't react the way I should. I'm really sorry for that and I apologized for the lack of emotions explaining it by my thoughts being far away. She became a bit colder but we kept good fellowship. The thing is that no one knows I was pregnant except my significant other and I want everything stay this way. My pain faded indeed but this news revealed it again. I felt I was an awful person not even able to be happy for others..

She was absent for 2 days and no one knew the reason so yesterday I visited her in after work. she was in tears and looked 15 years older. She wasn't pleased to see me but told me to come in. I wish I hadn't stayed there. She told me that she miscarried her baby. She looked angry when saying that and it sounded as if she had asked me with her evil smile "are you feeling happy now?". I tried to pacify her, trying to support and calm her down but no go. I told her I understood her feelings but it was a mistake. She said I would never be able to feel such pain with my heart of stone. It was my turn to cry and I left her there.

I don't know what's wrong with me. Why I'm so horrible?!

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Hi Froya, everyone deals with grief differently and I'm sure your friend didn't mean what she said. I've never had to deal with a miscarriage so I can't imagine what you or she is going through but I'm sure it must be the worst time of your life. I can understand that if your friend doesn't know about your miscarriage then she thinks you can't possibly know how she's feeling. Could you share with her your story and let her know that you truly do understand her pain and the reason for your reaction when she told her she was pregnant is that you were still grieving? You could support each other through the pain knowing that you each know how the other one feels.

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Thanks Lynnr, maybe you are right and I'm only making thihngs worse by hiding the truth. I'm just afraid that if I tell her about my lost pregnancy, this will be revealed to more people and this is what I really don't want to happen. I don't want to lose her at the same time. It's so tough anyway.

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Hello froya. I remember your previous post so I'm sorry to see you have another issues of the kind. It's been a while but I understand that your pain haven't actually gone and you have to live with it day by day. Don't blame yourself for what has happened and for your thoughts. We are human and we can't always be happy about everything especially if we've been through sh*ty things. As Lynnr54 has written, you better talk to your frien if you appreciate your fellowship. She won't tell anyone if you ask her to be quite but you are able to understand each other and this is what you need right now, understanding, support and confidence that you are not alone. Hugs xxx

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