IVF is all we argue about

[Hope4usall]

I've just had an argument with my OH about our best friends who are pregnant. They have told us their news first before our other friends which is really considerate. I tried to explain to my OH that it will be difficult when we see our friends next as they will have their happy news to tell our other friends and we will have to sit through it. I am happy for them but I'm jealous and I want it to be us. He just said basically we have to be happy for them and that's that. No consideration into how I'm feeling or acknowledgment that I will find it hard. All I wanted was some understanding.

We were on our way to the pub when we argued and I am now sat in the pub alone.

This is so hard. I feel so alone sometimes.xx

[Emmaxxx]

Oh hun. I know it is so hard. The men just don’t get it do they. Don’t beat yourself up about it. We argue because of me being a moody cow. I just can’t help it!

Sit and have a glass of wine, and just think to yourself that it maybe your turn very soon. Try and chill and hopefully your OH will take this time to realise that actually he is being very insensitive.

We are all here for you hun xx

[Hope4usall in reply to Emmaxxx]

Thank you so much xx

[Lots8788]

Ah sorry to hear that hun, it feels so isolating sometimes doesn't it! I agree re: have a nice glass of wine and try and relax (easier said than done!). you'll get there xxx 😘

[Hope4usall in reply to Lots8788]

Yeah I had a G & T! It is incredibly isolating. On top of that I'm meeting up with some friends tomorrow, one of them has the same due date I did when I carried Freddie but miscarried in January. She is due in 1 month x

[Lots8788 in reply to Hope4usall]

so sorry for your loss hun x

[Lou7744]

Aww... sending you big hugs lovely 💕 xx

[Bluelady-sing]

Wow.

Sitting alone. Men don't always realise they are being selfish.

[Seha04]

I’m sorry, this happens to me too. They try to be supportive but sometimes, they just don’t have the right words to say.. and yeah, suddenly everyone around u are either pregnant or have kids/babies. I feel lonely too coz no one understand except god. I’m glad tt I came across this group. Hope ur feeling slightly better now, hugs!

[Hope4usall]

Thanks girls. We've had a chat this morning and OH has apologised and he says he needs to support me more. I think he's struggling too and has said that's why he's been throwing himself into his work. We need to support each other more xxx

[Cinderella5 in reply to Hope4usall]

I'm glad that you're feeling a bit better today! It really is a big strain doing treatments and the loss that you had must have been so hard on you both. Men do tend to deal with things in a different way to us ladies unfortunately and it tends to come out in anger and frustration and they are much more mechanical about emotions and other couples having babies around you. I think you're right that you need to be there for each other. Hold onto each other tight!xx

[Militarywife7]

Sometimes men struggle to understand emotions on our level. My husband isn’t particularly emotional, and I’m not great at speaking to people about how I feel. It all got to much and I said I needed to speak about things with him and he needs to be more emotionally invested. Since our chat everything has changed and we help each other through it, he’s been my rock. It might help to bare all and tell him just how sad or anxious it makes you feel ❤️ X

[Mantaray75]

I could have written this post myself a while back. I really struggled when my husband's siblings all started having kids long after we had started trying. I was happy for them but so jealous and couldn't cope with all the talk in the family about babies. He was just so happy for them and could separate it from our pain unlike me.

We talked about this last night and both felt that even though men may really want kids, the maternal instinct we have does make a difference so that it can become our sole focus. I think men are more likely to get fed up of fertility taking over our lives and are more able to switch off from it than we are.

I got really sick of fertility changing me as a person and making it difficult for me to be happy for others. Weirdly I still have a little moment of jealousy when I hear of people getting pregnant naturally even though I have been so lucky to get my little miracle.

I'm glad you've had a chat and so so hope you get your rainbow baby.

x

[Hope4usall in reply to Mantaray75]

Thanks so much Hun. It's nice to know other people have felt the same.

I know what you mean about our maternal instinct. It is totally my sole focus and even though I think of other things, go out etc, it is there. Constantly. This missing piece. I really hope I get my little miracle. I'm so glad you've got yours xx

[Elynn]

It's very easy to misinterpret our guys responses as not caring, when in fact they just see and interpret things differently. Someone told me years ago....fight the problem not each other. I try 😁 Hope you guys find a peaceful way forward...this will keep cropping up till you get your baby, hopefly you can do this together. 😁

[Hope4usall in reply to Elynn]

Yeah I hope so too. We just need to keep talking I think x

[Sexy376]

I tell you what Hun men will never understand how we feel my DH agreed last week to do another ivf but today decided that he now wants to wait till after sept when we are back from holiday to Turkey before starting again well to have our frozen cycle now I got al sorts of thoughts running through my head and all I keep thinking is he has changed his mind and don’t want to do this but did last week it’s ok for him he has 3 kids!!! Xx

[Hope4usall in reply to Sexy376]

It's so hard isn't it when they are not in the same page as us. Us girls need to stick together! Xx

[LunaLovegood11]

Aww I’m sorry to hear that. I don’t think many men feel the same sort of jealousy that we do. It’s totally normal to few that way, and of course you can be happy for others but sad for yourself at the same time xxx

[Hope4usall in reply to LunaLovegood11]

Thank you, yeah I think men do see it all differently to women x

[Maybay]

He is doing that because subconsciously he knows that if he reacts like you then you are both miserable. He is acting like that on the outside to be strong for both of you. He is probably really sad to on the inside. Thank him for being strong and come to us here and complain, we get it and can be miserable together 💝