En Route to ICSI Cycle 2: I need to vent!

Hi guys. I got a letter through from my clinic last week encouraging me to call them on the first day of my next period - potentially the end of this month if they have room for me, or the end of next if they don't. I'm not even sure if I'm ready or not to go through this again, but I feel like my life is on hold indefinitely, I just feel like I need to get through this now and not wait anymore. I am so tired of waiting.

I've got an appointment tomorrow morning to talk to them about the failed cycle, and I have absolutely no idea why I made this appointment - it just felt like the thing to do! I don't know what to ask, what do I ask?

I was at a party at the weekend and I got the dreaded "So, are kids on the cards for you anytime soon?" Urgh. I ended up just being so shocked that someone had asked me, that I just told them I was going through IVF just now. Someone I barely know!

Things are hard just now, and I'm having a really difficult time trying to be positive. I don't feel positive at all. :(

11 Replies

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  • Well done for telling the rude person the truth... I'm afraid I always do this, and sometimes then suggest that it's an impolite question! People are often embarrassed but I think they should be! It's a personal question!

    Re your next appointment, I would ask what changes they would make for another cycle (and whether any of these are an additional expense- my consultant changed my drugs to more expensive ones), and whether there were any particular issues with your failed cycle.

    If there is anything that you have been worrying about (in my case, I was worried that i had spilled a bit of the trigger shot!) ask them about it so they can reassure you.

    Given that you sound as though you don't feel quite ready to go again, maybe ask them to tell you what the consequences would be for your chances if you waited for an extra couple of months.

    I felt much better after my appointment to discuss my failed Ivf cycle. My husband and I also booked one of the counseling sessions on the same day so we felt we had really given ourselves chance to get a bit of 'closure' on it.


  • It's so funny, it really is SUCH a rude question, but nobody seems to think of it that way! People just don't think before they speak! How did you find the counselling? Do you think it helped? xx

  • It reassured my husband and I that we had already talked through everything we needed to. TBH I didn't find the actual session very helpful, I found the concrete answers that I got from the consultant's appointment more helpful, but I was glad we had been as it reassured me that we were okay!

  • Hey I've just started my icsi cycle 2 happy to buddy up

  • Our follow up appointments didn't give us any answers as they is still so much they don't know but they did provide an opportunity to ask questions & discuss the next steps. Diana Arnold (nurse) can provide a list of questions but too late for your appointment tomorrow.

    We had to have several months wait before our 2nd round of ICSI and that was probably helpful as it gave me time to get my head together. If you don't feel ready you could ask if you could delay for a bit, unless of course that would have consequences with funding if you're NHS patients.

  • I prefer it if they ask if we have any babies. I then say yes two, rufus and beau. Kind of ramble on about them being a handful and their personalities. Rufus being very outgoing and everyone loves him and beau being very shy and reserved. Beau likes to wake up early and climb into bed with us. Etc etc Depending on how long I can keep this up for I then finish it with wishing that rufus would stop murdering birds but rats and mice are ok. Takes a few seconds of horror before they finally twig. Fur babies count!

    Am so annoyed that this question is raised with the same thought as "did you see eastenders last night".

    If I'm feeling really annoyed I just say "nope, I'm barren. Would you like to share any sensitive information with me?"

    Hoping these responses make people think twice about asking the next person. This question came up a lot from people who we aren't that close with after we got married like it came Hand in hand. Are we in the 1920s and this is my only goal in life? My mum said people constantly ask her when we are having kids and she lets rip aswell lol.

    Rant over.

    Hope your appointment goes well. If they have counselling maybe consider it. Might help things get straight in your head to at least figure out if you are ready or not quite yet x

  • Ahahaha I love that. I know, we're somehow ridiculously stuck in the 20s, it's unreal. Last week my gran even came out with "I've heard of a woman being upset over this, but never a man!" In response to me saying that my husband was upset and didn't want to socialise that day! But she's really old, so she probably gets a pass. It probably is the 20s in her head.

  • Emmab178 - If I'm feeling really annoyed I just say "nope, I'm barren. Would you like to share any sensitive information with me?" - I'm stealing this...that made me chuckle, thank you!! xx

  • Hey I hope the appointment goes well today! I just asked things like were they keeping my protocol the same or any changes. How did they feel it went. I asked about their thoughts on DHEA to help with egg quality (although had already decided I would take it anyway). Why did they think my cycle wasnt good, no pregnancy/none to freeze. What was the embryologists thought on quality of embryos. Can we do anything to improve next cycle. What are our prospects.

    It is a scary business thinking that we've to put ourselves through another cycle of this. I was just glad to know when it was, as Ive said before Im a planner and felt better knowing I was getting on with things. I reckon I will start my next load of drugs around mid May so we may be around the same time if you decide to go ahead. If you dont feel ready then maybe take that extra month or so out!

    I was out a few weeks ago and 3 people that I dont even know that well asked me "how long was it I had been married now, any sign of kids" Aaaarrrrgggghhhhh "Obviously not or I wouldnt be drinking in a bar"!! How rude and annoying although I do live in a village and im almost 40 so that's village mentality for you! I liked the advice from emmab178, made me chuckle! Wish I had the guts to say this!

    All the best for today! Good luck xx

  • I'm an extreme planner and total control freak, which I think makes things worse because we are so totally not in control! Xx

  • You just have to say it to the generation who knows what it means but most of the inappropriate comments comes from that age group. It gets me so mad. I used to say, "none I really like my sleep, I drink alot and can't deal with projectile vomiting" But then the smug mum club would always insist that they have perfect lives.

    I had some twerp in sainsburys approach me and my husband about selling maths tutoring for kids! That was a conversation he won't forget. He asked if we needed maths tutoring, I said I think my masters in engineering was enough. Then he asked if I knew anyone who would want it. I said my husband's an accountant so again I think he's fine and our cats do fine without maths skills. I then went off to the store manager and said what I thought of this and she completely understood and said she would stop him approaching people without kids in tow immediately.

    My mate signed up for a ceramics class. Questions asked, how many people employed at your home address and how many dependant children live at the address. Why is this anyone's business?

    The questions on kids only happened after we got married. I'd say "if I'd known it was compulsory to have children after getting married I would have said no"

    My mate also had a great response "no my husband has ginger on his side of the family" Sorry if that causes any offense but I nearly fell off my chair lol

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