Feeling scared can I really do this a... - Fertility Network UK

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Feeling scared can I really do this again

After our first failed cycle in march we took a few months out to focus on us. We got married in July and planned to start our 2nd cycle in September so we could enjoy our wedding etc.

Well af has come today and that only means one thing the start of our 2nd cycle. I should be excited but I'm far from it. I don't feel like I can do this again I'm so scared of it failing. How can I stop this feeling and relax a bit.

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Hi Katrina. I'm sorry you're feeling worried and anxious about your cycle. I felt the same as I approached my second cycle. First time round I'd been genuinely excited and felt a real sense of hope. When you go through the disappointment and loss of it not working, it's hard to muster up the same feelings again. Sending you a hug and thinking of you. It's really daunting to face but I'm sure you'll get through. Be as kind to yourself as you can- lots of treats, avoid people who do your head in and do things you enjoy and find relaxing

Take care xxx

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Thank you xx

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Hi Katrina1986, congratulations for getting married! I don't have any words of wisdom unfortunately but agree you should put yourself first, do things you enjoy and avoid anyone who doesn't make you feel good. I'll be thinking about you, I'm due to start on 7th Sept so we may well be cycle buddies! X

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Thank you. Sounds like we might be cycle buddies xx

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I too took nearly a years break before trying again. There is no time limit. If you don't feel ready to start this month then don't put that extra pressure on yourself. It is so hard to pick yourself back up again. You may find once you get going second time it isn't as bad as you thought it would be. Good luck and thinking of you xx

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My clinic just keep saying I may lose my funding so feel like I need to get going with it again. Thank you xxx

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Ah I see. Another pressure you don't need!

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No but we have 3 full cycles funded and 3 fets so guess they want that on there books. If that makes sense xx

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3 funded cycles? Wow

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Yeh we are extremely lucky our Ccg offers that on top of 3 fets so we have 6 attempts as long as we can freeze embies, which we couldn't on first cycle x

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I don't think there are many ccgs left that do offer that. I'm pleased for you.

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I just feel like everyone should be given the opportunity we have. It should not come down to where you live it should be the standard amount for everyone

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Agreed. It was just the 1 funded for us. I pray you won't need to use all your funded cycles but it's nice to know the funding is there if you need it

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I hope so too. What stage are you at if you don't mind me asking x

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I'm 22 weeks pregnant

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Wow congratulations how is the pregnancy going. This is the exact reason I joined this forum as all the positive stories give me hope 😊 xxx

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I can't lie it's been a rocky road but I always can't complainas at the end of day she's there kicking away and all the other things I can just deal with. I do hope you get to celebrate a bfp story yourself one day xx

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Congratulations on your marriage! I felt like this before my cycle started to - I have to say talking on here is one thing that's really helped. I think your feelings are totally natrual as it's like a form of self protection. Take each day as it comes, have you tried Acupunture or anything to maybe help you relax? I find it really helps my anxiety, wishing you lots of luck x

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I looked In to acupuncture but couldn't justify the 3 sessions a week they advised for around 8-10 weeks. I am going to have an Indian head massage once a week to relax. Thank you for your kind words xx

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3 a week, wow that is a lot - don't blame you for not going ahead with that. Indian head massage sounds good I hope it helps xx

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I was shocked when the nearest to me who had space said that. I thought 3 was a lot x

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Yeah me to - I have 1 session a week but my Acupuncturist tries to get it to fortnightly or even monthly asap just not really possible when so close to EC but I don't mind as I know she's not trying to rip me off x

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Ps congrats on getting married! Important to take time to celebrate the good times amongst all this other stuff - hope you had a great day x

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We had an amazing day thank you wish we could do it all again. Thank you for asking xx

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You can do it. It's a bit like exams, an unpleasant process but you screw your courage to the sticking place (or whatever the saying is), grit your teeth and go for it. The sooner you start the sooner it's done. For my second cycle, I found the thought of it was generally worse than doing it. I think you'd know if you were ready to give up, and if you're not ready to give up then it's probably best to get in with it! Xx

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I'm not ready to give up just frightened of failure. Today I emailed my clinic so everything is confirmed now just got to wait for delivery of medications. Thanks for your kind words xx

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I am about to start my second cycle (FET this time) and feel exactly the same as you. Can't summon up any positivity about it and just feel numb like I'm waiting for something awful to happen. Thank you for posting because I'm reading some of the replies and it's helping me too xx

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I'm glad it's helping you too. I don't really post on here or comment on things so glad this post can help someone else too. I'm just very lost at the moment in a sea of emotions xx

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Hi Katrina, I also had my 1st bfn back in march. ..nothing can prepare u for that...and the facr those feelings never really go away.

I started an fet in may and lo and behold I'm now 11wks3d pregnant so don't lose hope! I must admit though, even though it was an fet, emotionally and psychologically I found round 2 much harder....I went straight into it without considering the consequences of a 2nd bfn in 3mths...thank goodness I was ok else I'd be a wreck by now! I suppose what I'm saying is what you're feeling now is 100% normal...even now with my bfp I struggle to feel excited...and I like to still think I'm normal haha! I have no advice to help you relax as it's not something I'm personally very good at...just go with the flow, celebrate the good days and grit your teeth through the bad!

Congratulations on your wedding hun and best of luck with your next cycle xxx

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Thank you so much for your lovely words. A massive congratulations to you on your bfp hope all is going well with your pregnancy. I love coming on here and seeing people who were on a cycle in march when I was now have their bfp it gives me real hope. Xx

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Just remember you have every chance of it working this time! Rightly or wrongly I think I saw it as a numbers game...on average you have a 30% chance of it working each cycle...so I thought 2nd time it must be 60% total chance and so on (I never was good at maths but it made me feel better!)

Keep in touch and let us know how ur getting on xxx

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Yes I read it does increase with each cycle. Thank you I will do look forward to following your journey I see your still awaiting your scan xx

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I sure am! I've had 2 already...one at 7.5wks and a private one at 9wks (after a bleed)...but my mind is definitely not at rest. I've half convinced myself it's all gonna go wrong at the 12wk scan (which is looking more like 13-14wks)...the wait is horrendous but that's one thing all us ivf ladies should be used to by now! xxx

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I have everything crossed for you. I can imagine it's worse than the 2ww. Here if you heed to talk anytime xx

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Congratulations for getting married! Enjoy your newly married moments, who knows this will do the trick.

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Thank you fingers crossed it will xx

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Hey

A massive congratulations on your wedding. I hope you had a truly lovely day. Ive no words of wisdom but wanted to say thank you so much for sharing this. I've very recently had a BFN and I'm trying to muster the courage to start again asap however I'm terrified. This post has really helped. Thank you xx

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Thank you. I'm very sorry to hear your first cycle failed. I am glad this post has helped others. I'm trying to do everything differently this cycle. So am not telling many people as everyone at work knew last time and it was horrendous when it failed. Will also take tww off. Do you have any idea when you might start your next cycle? Xx

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Thanks hun. It really has helped knowing I'm not alone in these feelings. We have got our follow up appointment on Tuesday and I am going to see what they say then but I am thinking the sooner the better. I guess what will be will be. I seem to be scaring myself more each day. We will be doing a FET but it's not the process that I'm worried about but the thought of failing. I don't intend to tell many people this time, like you people knew and it was awful. I will definitely take more time off. Wishing you loads of luck. You can do this and you know where we are xxx

I like some of the replies from others saying be kind to yourself. I also had acupuncture and reflexology last time and I'm planning on doing this again. More for relaxation and anxiety. I just had 1 session per week xx

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I will be thinking of you on Tuesday. I know exactly what you mean in relation to the feelings of failure that's what scares me.

Yes I have to agree with you about the be kind comments. I may look in to reflexology tomorrow thanks for that. I looked in to acupuncture but only place I could get in said 3 sessions a week was going to be over a £100 a week.

I wish you all the best with the next stage of your journey. Will look out for your updates. Here if you ever want to talk xx

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Awe bless you thanks hun. This is such a tough and emotional journey. I will be looking out for you too. I really hope it's 2nd time lucky for you. Always here. Sending luck and hugs xx

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