Those type of people..

[E_05]

So tonight I'm going round a friends to celebrate her daughters birthday, she has a friend who I've got to know and like who thought she would need IVF to conceive. Turns out she didn't and fell pregnant of her honeymoon - I was so pleased for her and she has a healthy daughter.

However she always goes on to me about 'how she was going to need treatment' and 'how hard it would of been'. Which I really don't need to hear, I know how hard it is, I'm living it every day and I feel like saying well think yourself lucky but i don't..

Does anyone else know those type of people, ones that thought they'd need to go through this journey but didn't yet continue to tell you how hard it would of been??

[bluewanderlust]

Yes I think we all know of people like this and my advise to you is to say it!! Say what you want to say as in my experience no one seems to be treading around our feelings. And you have proof that you don't need to tread around hers concerning fertility xxx

[E_05 in reply to bluewanderlust]

Thank you, I think that's one thing I need to get better at telling people how I really feel. I'm always worried about hurting their feelings even though it's not the same in return xx

[Hidden]

She fell pregnant on her honeymoon - she has no idea and she really shouldn't compare at all. Her comparisons are fake. Unless perhaps she had been trying for many years, then had the surprise. But even then, it's not really for her to comment to you about her situ which turned out just fine.

Perhaps that's her way of trying to show empathy. But its a bit of a fail isn't it.

I had a friend who had issues convincing her other half to have a baby with her. When she announced her pregnancy, she specifically turned to me and said she doesn't know what she would have done had it taken more than 2 months to try (she got preg on the 2nd month trying).. She knew my stage 4 endo diagnosis and that i was going in for a 3rd surgery on my ovary.

I felt maybe she thought she was being empathetic but i realise, she was just being a bit gloaty (based on her actions since).

She could barely congratulate me and made no comment on my lovely IVF baby when she met him. Turns out she wasn't the friend I thought she was.

Your friend doesn't sound quite as bad as mine, and perhaps just ignore her comments next time. Her comments dont even deserve reply. If she had any clue what it was like to try for years and years, ttc, she just wouldn't say this.

Ugh sorry it really gets me.

I hope it goes well and perhaps just avoid her as much as you can? But I do feel for you. i have not forgotten how that felt. xxx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

So sorry your friend was like that, I think sadly we do realise who our true friends are during this journey and that can often make its harder.

Before her honeymoon they weren't even trying for children, she has painful periods so was told she might have endo which is why I think I get so annoyed when she tells me her could of advice. I did try to keep my distance and it wasn't to bad tonight, thank you xx

[Hidden in reply to E_05]

Glad it went well, you were pretty brave going. Wow, so she never even actually failed at TTC. She really shouldnt comment, but as others say, people think they are saying the right thing, but they just upset us.

xxxx

[Hidden]

I just think people are generally trying to be kind and try and relate to what we are going through when in reality they have absoulty no idea of what the reality is like. My mother in law said 'I was told I would have problems getting pregnant because id been on the pill for so long and then I came off and got pregnant straight away ' just felt like saying great story thanks so much for sharing that great tail of wisdom!! I know it's all very annoying I just feel most people don't know what to say or they are trying to make you feel better. Good luck for tonight you can always bite your tounge and then feed back to us later if it's a difficult night xxx

[KatVonB in reply to Hidden]

Love it - i have had great tales of wisdom shoved in my face time and time again! Why r you taking vitamins so early! Thats why ur not pregnant! Why arent you taking vitamins? They really help! Lose weight! stop exercising! Dont eat that! Eat what you want! Legs up! Hips up! Dont wipe after you did it! It doesnt matter! Ignore what people say! Maybe they will share some good advice so listen! Are you even trying? Your trying too hard! Stop thinking about it! By the way are you pregnant!? Oh another period?!

Lmao i could go on but i get so frustrated with the above BS from people who "want to help" and tell me "its going to be ok"

Sorry for the rant

[Hidden in reply to KatVonB]

I know how you feel it's pretty crappy I think my all time favourites are 'Just relax and it will happen' or 'you hear people going through ivf and then after all the treatment they just fall pregnant naturally' lol if only xxx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, sorry you've have those comment from your MIL I think it's even harder when it's family. That's true I think people just say things for the sake of it when sometimes it'd probably be better just saying nothing xx

[Tugsgirl]

Yeah 😕 They think it means they understand how hard it is lol xx

[E_05 in reply to Tugsgirl]

Thank you, that's very true don't think they realise how insensitive their comments can be xx

[Hidden]

Half of my friends!! I am screaming at them inside but on the outside I say nothing!! They don't understand how it feels & never will but I guess it's not their fault. People try to relate but don't realise that they couldn't understand in a million years what we're all going through! Xxx

[E_05 in reply to Hidden]

So true, don't think you can ever understand what this journeys like unless you walk/walked the path. That's why I'm so grateful for this forum to have women who 'get it' to talk to xx

[Saya85]

Ha- I have people (close to me) who know that we've been ttc for 5yrs plus... Who also know the stresss that we've gone through looking after my elderly FIL with cancer and MiL with dementia ....whilst both working and ever since being married - literally she got ill 2 weeks after we were married in my early 20s.

They tell me- wouldn't it be really good for MIL if she had a baby in the house to play with ...(?) as if we're being uncaring not to give her one?

'Yes of course- my sole aim in ttc is to provide my MiL with a plaything-

Not to mention the fact that it's not as if we haven't been trying?!

I'm not selfishly hiding a baby away in the closet that I'm now going to pull it out at their suggestion(!)'

Jeeeeeeezzzzzzz

[E_05 in reply to Saya85]

So sorry you've got so much going on. I cared full time for my Nan who had dementia it's such a cruel disease. Unfortunately people don't realise how hard it is do they and the added pressure there putting on you isn't fair xx

[Saya85 in reply to E_05]

Absolutely! Yes it's been tough (still is) but we're finally focussing on ourselves also... Just about.

People really don't understand the daily grind of it all xx

[E_05 in reply to Saya85]

They sure don't, my Nan deteriorated as I was first referred to the fertility clinic - both my brothers have children but never made the effort to go and visit her. I know it's not my fault but il always live with the guilt that she'll never get to meet my baby.

Hope things get a bit easier for you soon xx