Devastated

I literally can't stop crying. Just found out from the embryologist that one of my embryos has erupted and the other one isn't developing well so isn't looking good. She'll call me tomorrow to confirm. I was trying so hard to keep hopeful. I can't understand why I'm so unlucky and why this is happening to me. I try so hard to be a good person. I've never taken drugs and I'm not massive drinker but all of that counts for nothing. I'm still alone with a minimal chance of ever having my own child. Sorry for sounding so pitiful but it's come as huge shock. This has been such a crap year for me and I was hoping that things would start looking up. What's the point of anything anymore if life is just one disappointment after another

12 Replies

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  • Hi. So sorry you're feeling so low. Is this your first cycle? I'm assuming that you're self funding? Can you afford another cycle after this one? Sorry for all the questions it's just that often things don't go according to plan on the first round and your doctors will use it as a good starting point to make sure your next round is more successful.

    I can understand why you're so upset. It isn't anything you've done. I doubt very much that there's a single one of us ladies on here who deserves what we're going through.. life is just so unfair at times. But please don't give up if you have the option to try again.

    I hope you're lone embie catches up development wise 🤞 xx

  • Hi janop79 Im so sorry for your news i really hope you have a chance with the remaining embryo don't be too hard on yourself for crying it's a very stressful time for you and know that you have done everything right for your body to give yourself the best chance xxx

  • I'm so sorry to read your post. It's hard to feel like you're not being punished. None of us deserve what we have to go through but it seems as though this is our test in life. Try to take each day as it comes and look for one good thing in every day as a starting point. Sending a big hug. x

  • Sorry to hear this. Infertility is a cruel cruel world. Hopefully you'll get some explanations about why it's happened xx

  • I just wanted to say how sorry I am! Sending many hugs xxx

  • I'm so sorry Janop79!! It's horrible this happening to you, heartbreaking!! This happened to me on my first cycle and we had none to transfer!! Sending you a big hug xx

  • Sending you hugs xxx

  • Sorry to hear this Janop79. I know how this feels. It's a very sharp pain when they let you know about it over the phone. While it does stick with you, it does keep changing until it becomes more bearable (hard to believe, I know).

    In April and May, I had the call from the Embryologist with bad news each time. I have yet to reach the embryo stage but believe that if you do, it bodes well for any subsequent treatment you may have planned.x

  • So sorry to read your post. We had similar on our last cycle, albeit we did have one embryo to transfer, but it all honesty the quality of it was poor, and I wished they'd taken it to day 5 to see if it developed as felt like the 2ww was 2 weeks of stress that was not needed. It's heartbreaking. I see you went down the natural/modified route, which was prob the best option with your levels. Mine are low too and it's heartbreaking when you can't do anything about it. I hope things improve with your little embie, and as much as it's horrible when your crying, least your letting it all out. I cried loads too, but think that's my bodies way of coping. I've considered natural/modified too if my next round results the same as the last, but we've made the decision to go with DE's if my next cycle doesn't work. Sending you a big hug and fingers crossed for you xx

  • Sending hugs 🤗 thinking of you keep strong xx❤💋

  • So sorry to hear your news Janop. It's such a hard journey full of disappointments that are difficult to come to terms with. It does sometimes feel so unfair. I hope your embie finds some strength. Our first ivf round didn't work - we had no eggs at all despite max strengths of menopur and so after some soul searching we decided to go down the DE route where the chances are a lot higher. It was difficult to come to terms with but now we feel really positive about it. I don't know if that helpful. Is there any option to try again with different meds if it doesn't work this time? Sending you and your embie strength. Xx

  • I'm so sorry to hear your news. I ask myself the same questions everyday. I'm not a bad person, I barely drink and have never smoked or done drugs. I don't think it makes a difference. My experience is that my friends who don't want children, have ended up pregnant without trying and now have families - even those who do take drugs and drink alcohol. Life is so unfair. We jump through hundreds of hoops and yet end up with nothing but heartbreak.

    It's nothing you've done. One person told me. "if your embryos are not strong enough or wouldn't make it, they do not survive and it's nothing you've done". It's so hard picking yourself up again after you come crashing down. I know: 2 failed IVFs and 1 miscarriage (my own eggs) and even a BFN with donor eggs. The second attempt I woke after egg collection to hear they didn't get any eggs but just empty follicles and it was game over.

    Don't be so hard on yourself. None of this is your fault. Maybe we should stop trying so hard (easier said than done as we want it so badly). Fingers and toes crossed for your remaining little embie. Best wishes and hugs x

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