Devastated

[yllek1982]

Hi Everyone,

Haven't posted for a while- had our third go at IVF which was our second frozen cycle and had a BFP but have just had the scan and I've miscarried. Absolutely devastated! I had a bleed (twice) the week of the bfp and contacted the clinic straight away but they said there was nothing they could do and to keep going with the medication and to wait until the scan date- my scan was done at 9weeks due to me being away for a couple of weeks so they thought it better to make it later other than earlier. The thing is the bleed happened way before I went away and I really think a blood test should have been taken or something at the time as I feel I've been clinging onto false hope and taken medication for no reason. I am so sad about it all-literally found out about and hour and a half ago so very teary and am on my own as the husband had to go back to work. I just don't know what to do with myself- I didn't tell many people as I was afraid it would end like this- I talked myself into not putting it on here when I had a bfp as I thought it may jinx it-stupid I know! I'm so fed up of the constant disappointment, just feel as though I'm constantly letting people down- my Mum was with her friends and me and they were all going on about their grandchildren and the guilt I felt as my Mum didn't have that-just awful. I also teach so am surrounded by babies and children so I feel kind of stuck. I've cancelled all my classes for today as I can't face it. Sorry about the massive out pouring of stuff just feel I need to kind of vent at the moment.

Thanks for reading xx

[NDE1987]

I am so sorry to hear your news. It's so horrible when things like this happen and they are out of control. It's as if we put all our time and effort and alot of emotions into treatment and just want a little reward at the end of it. I know no words that I say will make you feel better but please don't feel like you are alone. Rest up and cry when you want to. Maybe plant a little flower in memory of your little bean. So sorry again xx

[yllek1982 in reply to NDE1987]

Thank you so much-the flower idea is so lovely! Xx

[misswinky34]

I'm so sorry to hear your news. ❤️ Xx

[Hollibob]

I'm so sorry. Nothing can ever prepare you for this....you will go through various emotions...crying and then numbness. Life feels cruel that we have to experience this after everything else we've been through.

I hope hubby gets home soon x

[katya38]

Am so sorry it really is a horrible thing and so unfair. You just need time and lots of tlc xx

[SarG74]

I'm so so sorry to hear that X

[jenny34]

Sending loads of love. It really is the most horrible and unfair thing. Absolutely love the flower idea. I'm sure if your mum knew what you were going through the last thing she would want is you feeling guilty about her. Cry as much as you need to and know that you are not alone. We are all with you xxxxxxxxxx

[Mayaudrey]

I'm so sorry to hear this my heart goes out to you. This journey is so cruel and unfair take care of yourselves xxxxx

[liz1985]

Hi Honey...

I think this whole journey is cruel tbh. I have had one cycle of IVF that failed in the middle of my second cycle now with two embies in freezer waiting for transfer! I think miscarriage has got to be the cruelest thing to happen to any of us along with chemical pregnancies it is so cruel to just be snatched away from us like that must be terrible i really really feel for you! I hope you can be kind to yourself and try not to feel guilty about your mum i am sure she just wants whats best for you! Take care of yourself and if you can keep us informed of how your doing thinking of you honey xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Medeine]

Just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this and to tell you that you are not alone in this crazy, cruel, unfair world of infertility and ivfs... although it can feel like you are alone when everyone around seems to fall pregnant without even trying or wanting to! Please take good care of yourself and allow yourself to grieve if you need to... But while the hubby comes home maybe try and do something your enjoy to treat yourself, whether it is movies on the sofa or some shopping! Xx

[yllek1982]

Thank you so much for your lovely messages. I'm starting to pull myself together. Feeling a bit poorly today with cramping type of pains and heavy bleeding but I wonder if that's my body reacting to coming off of the medication.

I got a bit annoyed as I cancelled some work by text messaging my clients on the day I found out I had miscarried-I just said I had been sick and one of them was a bit snotty about me cancelling as they didn't have phone signal so only got the message once they had made their journey and said I should have phoned them instead- thing is that would still not have helped by me phoning as they had no signal??

I would have been unable to speak as I was in a right state that day. I didn't reply to the message but it has got my back up a bit and worried me about if I have to cancel things in future. I've not advertised the fact that I am going through IVF and don't think I should have to but I wonder if she would have reacted differently if she knew the truth. If she did turn up then she could have seen my friend leave and thought I was making it up as my friend was trying to cheer me up and said as she was leaving to do all things I was having to avoid like drink wine etc and it did make me laugh.

I'm probably over analyzing things but it's that message that has stuck in my head- I'm dreading seeing her next and I know that there are more important things of course that I should be channeling my emotions on. Soz a bit of a rant there xxx