feeling devastated and empty its all over for us now

[Miaow1975]

well after an exciting 2 weeks following our final BFp at age 49 and 4 rounds of icsi we went for our 6 wk scan yesterday and we’re told there was no sign of the embryo or sac and they suspected an ectopic pregnancy which a later scan confirmed. I am going in for treatment today to end the pregnancy and can’t help but feeling we wasted all our money and that I want to request a refund. I have a fibroid which my consultant knew about but said was less than 2cm when we started but on yesterdays scan it was 6cm so probably the culprit of the blockage. Not the Xmas present we were wanting and unsure what to do next.🥲

[JA-fnuk Partner Nurse Fertility Network UK]

So sorry to read your post Thinking of you and sending you virtual hug

Janet-Partner

[Miaow1975 in reply to JA-fnuk]

Thank you we’re now back home after the injection and waiting for the inevitable, feeling numb but I appreciated the virtual hug x

[Elmo13]

Couldn’t just read and run. I’m so very sorry to read this and everything you’re going through. Wishing you strength and love. Xx

[Miaow1975 in reply to Elmo13]

Hi Elmo13 thank you we’re back home after a long day at the hospital and trying to process all that’s gone on now. Thanks very much for the strength and love we are going to need some of that ❤️ x

[Elmo13 in reply to Miaow1975]

I hope you can use this time to just rest and recharge. Take it one day at a time. Some days may be more challenging than others but keep going. Xx

[Avocado007]

Sorry to hear you are going through this, Take each day as it comes. I think once things have settled I would recommend putting a plan in place for next steps. After failed IVFs with own eggs in the UK I went to Spain. I had treatment with Instituto Bernardo in Alicante and have a beautiful baby boy via Donor egg IVF. I was 47 when i transferred and 48 when i gave birth. Don’t loose hope x

[Miaow1975 in reply to Avocado007]

Thanks for the message and encouragement. We are feeling a bit better today and will make a plan in the new year. I’d psyched myself up after the last transfer to being comfy that that was our last attempt as we had no more embryos but now we’ve lost it I’m not so sure so will see what 2025 brings x

[A_Fortune in reply to Avocado007]

Hi lovely, sorry to jump in, but I’m looking for recommendations for an egg donation clinic after a bad experience in Portugal. Would you share your experience with this clinic please? Thanks so much

[leo1980]

Didn’t want to run and not respond. I am really sorry to hear… after 8 years of ivf at 44 I had my first 4 weeks ago.l my last pgt normal embryo didn’t post about it because I find the announcements a tad patronising to those still struggling. I just wanted to say I think avocado 007 had given some good advice…it’s not over yet. There are still options so please don’t give up if you have the strength to keep going. Sending you much love.

[Miaow1975 in reply to leo1980]

Thanks Leo, congratulations on your success and feeling slightly less numb today and considering our options. Going to take a break and then have a review with consultant in new year and will take it from there. Have a great first Christmas as a mum x

[leo1980 in reply to Miaow1975]

Thank you my lovely. I had our names on the list for a donor and was looking at options here in the UK and abroad whilst on our last transfer. I embryo banked at 38/39 and PGT tested. Only started transferring last year. All resulted in BFP’s but miscarried at various points in the first trimester. This was the last go with my own gametes and I had already decided on donor eggs. As I got used to constant disappointment etc. In fact I had my first donor consult whilst getting my second dose of intralipids. Don’t give up if you have strength to go on. It’s not impossible - it’s just challenging. Much love.

[ADHDPCOS]

I’m so sorry xx

[Miaow1975 in reply to ADHDPCOS]

Thank you it helps having everyone’s support x

[Mikki100]

I couldn't read and leave.. I'm so sorry this has happened, sending you love and hugs at this difficult time. I'm almost 47 and still chasing the dream. Take care of yourself x

[Miaow1975 in reply to Mikki100]

Thank you it gets harder each year but I’m no quitter so will see what 2025 brings xx

[Nakijo]

So sorry about your loss. Hope you keep strong

[Miaow1975 in reply to Nakijo]

Thank you feeling a bit stronger today and will work out a plan in the new year. Have a good Christmas xx

[H4PP1]

2025 may hold new options !! This forum is amazing, keep the faith and it could still happen ..

[Lamagarden]

This journey is brutal. Im sorry for your loss. You’re amazing and have been through so much and hope you manage to do some nice things for yourself over the Xmas period xx

[Nes1005]

hello, I am so sorry for what you are going through and the pain and sadness you are feeling, it’s cruel and a lot to bear.

Just wanted to say, I had a 0.4 sized fibroid that grew to over 4cm with a pregnancy last year that ended in missed miscarriage, our little ‘Cuppy’ had no heartbeat. The fibroid at 4cm had a really strong blood supply and could have played a part in the miscarriage. Eventually after surgery for retained placenta, I then had to have that fibroid removed September last year as my fibroid consultant said it would now impact any chance of future pregnancy .

My situation might be different to yours in that it wasn’t my first fibroid or first time I’d had to have them removed… but I would say that can really effect and prevent pregnancy depending on size/location. I am sure you already may have done but see a fibroid specialist to get accurate advice. I have had to have 3 surgery’s to remove them over 3 years. I am 44 and currently 31 weeks pregnant from a cycle that I said was to be my last with own eggs so you can still get pregnant after fibroid surgery’s, and I always feared I wouldn’t . I refused estrogen with this FET as this helps fibroids to grow.

Take care of yourself and give yourself time, but just want add as other as have said see how you feel in time and if your heart wants to then I am sure there is hope there, don’t give up until you are ready….❤️❤️❤️

Hugs to everyone on this gruelling journey, it’s relentless, we all deserve a happy ending. ❤️

[Miaow1975 in reply to Nes1005]

Hi Nes

Thank you so much for your message and sharing your story. It really helps to read other people’s experiences and it’s reassuring to hear you are now pregnant again, congratulations. I am already thinking I need an appointment with my gp in the new year to get referred to a fibroid consultant and then we can decide where to go from there. I wish I’d understood that the meds can make fibroids grow as I’d have probably thought about removal prior to my last round but we can only move forward from where we are now so let’s see what the new year brings. Thank you again for reaching out, I’m not sure I’d have coped as well this last week without the support of all the lovely ladies on this forum. Hope you have a great Christmas and enjoy being a mum when the little one arrives ❤️ xx

[Nes1005 in reply to Miaow1975]

It’s a absolutely nothing for me to share, any tiny nugget I can give I will because I’ve sought solace here from all the amazing warriors many times through my journey when I have thought I couldn’t go on and everyone has been so genorous with their time, words and encouragement. I’m still very much on the journey and prey every day that my baby will arrive safely but even now pregnancy after losses is crippling every day in terms of anxiety and we are all so strong here for what we have to endure even though we don’t feel it at our lowest ebbs.

Hopefully your fibroid situation is a one off but mine were reoccurring the 2nd time I had them removed I had about 7 filling my whole uterus and only found out just before I was about to start my first ivf back in 2022 , it was devestatingq and to have to have the op and then have to wait 12 weeks post op to start the ivf was the worst but we get through it…day by day. Yes natural estrogen in pregnancy can make them grow so then taking more of it for a transfer obviously can increase that impact.

I am not sure if you are in London but my consultant David Oghutu is an absolute marvel when it comes to fibroids, I’ve had no major scarring or issues as far as the procedures have gone thanks to how skilled and knowledgeable he is so I would highly recommend him if you can choose..he also works out of an excellent fertility clinic alongside his Gynae work so he can advise on the ivf in tandem with fibroid situations.

Wishing you peace and healing, day by day and everything crossed for your next steps. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[BlueTrip]

So sorry to read this and thinking of you. Be gentle with yourself xx

[Lynsey0312]

Its an emotional rollercoaster for sure. Look after yourself while you are going through this and revisit your options when you are feeling stronger x