Never thought I'd lose a friend because IVF worked.

[bms12]

So had a fall out with a friend last night because I'm now pregnant. Shes just started her journey with fertility treatment and is waiting to start her first round of letrozole, I've been supportive of her, keeping track of her hospital appointments always there to advise or listen and support as I myself have been receiving treatment for 5 years now. Many failed rounds and a miscarriage last year, and my friend has ignored me since she found out. I understand it can be difficult, however there is only so much I can do to support that. She wants my support for all her treatment yet didn't even ask how mine was going even when I tried to drop it in conversation. I've just reached a point now where I'm not willing to engage in one sided friendships when we should be mutually supporting each other. Last year I actually apologised for being pregnant and at that point I'd been telling her to see her gp for a few months so she could get help, which she continuously put off. I'm not apologising again for 5 agonising years of treatment to get pregnant.

Sorry for the rant it's just so frustrating!

[Cinderella5]

Dont feel bad & no I dont think you should have to apologise at all! Perhaps she needs space so give it to her but please dont stress out about it! You've been an amazing friend....I had the opposite. One of my friends got pregnant and knew I was doing IVF, she told others that she had done IVF but not me and just ignored me after that! Charming eh?! Just you concentrate on yourself, some people show their true colours unfortunately and even if she cant deal with you being pregnant there's no need to drop you!! Chin up honey!!xx

[runsoncuddles]

You my dear are well within your rights to stand your ground, and never ever again apologise to anyone for what you have been through. I lost friends last year after I was told that IVF was unethical 🙄🙄... this was cruel and insensitive given that she'd started the ivf process before us and it didn't work out for her. People are messy and messed up, choose you, pick yourself over everyone and press on! This journey is tough enough without the negativity from those around you! Sending you lots of good wishes! You're doing great & most importantly you aren't alone xx

[staaa88]

You don’t have to apologise, but people deal with this very differently, which I’ve come to realise especially from being on this forum.

Personally, I have been very bitter and anyone being pregnant, struggle or not, has made me so jealous. I just can’t help it. Sounds like you have been a bit stronger than she is. Rather than text or call her, if you’re willing, then let her come to you when she’s ready. Clearly she is really struggling but she will only see a professional when she’s ready and not when someone tells her.

We are all individuals and the way someone may react to a situation maybe completely different to the way you might react in the same.

At the same time you need to look after yourself and your emotions and this is going to be good for you, so surround yourself with people who are in the right place to support you and enjoy your pregnancy xxxx

[Hidden]

I don’t think you should have to apologise. You’ve had a tough journey to get pregnant & really your friend should be happy for you. Yes it’s hard to see others get pregnant but when you know someone else has also struggles should be happy for them. I spent 7 years embracing others pregnancies most fallen at a drop of a hat & it was bloody hard. But I would feel hurt if someone close to me couldn’t want to be happy for me now I’m pregnant after a long 7 year struggle with 3 surgeries to treat endometriosis & one early miscarriage. Perhaps your friend is in a dark place & needs space. If the friend is a good one tell her you understand it’s tough but are there when she feels ready to talk. It would be a shame to lose a close friend. You must do whatever feels right for you.P.s sorry for your loss but congrats on this pregnancy hope it all goes smoothly xoxo

[SConnor]

Don’t let anything nor anyone disturb your happy moment, pregnant after a 5 year fight!! Congratulations on that, I am now pregnant too after a much shorter ivf journey and constantly feel it’s drained my energy...

Going through such a hard time emotionally and physically i’ve Also learned to give things the right importance and have found who amongst friends and family was always there for me, such an emotional journey...

You’ve been there for her and you don’t deserve any criticism. I hope in time she will make it too, perhaps all the infertility stress is driving her a bit mad, I myself had some ups and downs. Your baby is what’s most important now! Congrats again and time to be happy!!

[bms12]

Thanks ladies, I completely understand the stress it causes when people around you are pregnant however I tried to be as sensitive as possible, shes one of the first person I want to share happiness with, so I waited till she was home from her holiday and asked to meet up so I could tell her and comfort her. Last time she sat and cried and i just held her and cried with her, this time she just said so your pregnant and then has basically ignored me since. Makes it worse that my husband and her partner are friends, usually we would have a girls day out and theyd have a lads day, they went out yesterday and me and my friend fall out. I refuse to let this effect my zen, as I cant afford to get stressed out right now as I'm already in a high stress job as an A&E nurse, my days off need to be relaxed Haha. Trying not to think to much about pregnancy until my first scan on Friday, although that basically means I've planned a nursury Haha.