Need to vent!!

For gods sake! I'm at the end of my tether! So have been discussing clinics abroad with a fertility co ordinatior who has found a couple of clinics that will still help me try one more time with my own eggs. This is what myself & oh had decided as although the chances are slim at my age, as we had only had one attempt and there were no eggs, we had this real need to have one more go b4 letting the dream go!! We have both (him maybe more so) really struggled with the idea of DE.Having narrowed down the clinics my partner has just said, oh I thought u were looking at abroad bcos it was donor egg?!? I said no, I thought we agreed to try once more? Him:well y we going abroad then. Me: y were u going along with the plans then if u thought it was with DE when u already told me u weren't comfortable with that. Him: I just want to do what u want to do!!!

Arggggghhhhh! I'm so frustrated right now, I'm wondering whether to give up all together! We both don't have a clue what we want in terms of pushing forward with this!!

Frustrated & upset 😢😖😫

12 Replies

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  • Hey, try not to be too upset with your husband. This is a really stressful time for many couples and often in those situations messages get confused and wires get crossed.

    I would suggest taking a small breather and talking things out in a calm manner so you both get on the same page. The last thing you want to do is rush into anything you're both not fully in agreement or understanding of.

    If you need any help this forum is very useful for information. I could recommend a clinic in Ukraine that would be great for you .

  • Thanks Taz84. It is really stressful time.i just wish I knew what he wanted x

  • If it helps at all ... I totally empathise with this scenario. My partner throughout this whole process has pretty much left the organisation to me and has been so cautious of upsetting me that he doesn't really give any opinions, I end up getting so frustrated because I just want to know what he is thinking /feeling/ wants but I can never be certain. I know he thinks he is being supportive especially when saying things I want to hear but it actually makes me feel much more like I am bearing the burden! At least it shows how much he loves you that he would have gone along with it without a murmur! Take a moment together to reset your priorities. .. an honest chat outside the house (a pub with a fire sounds good on a night like this) about next steps may be just the thing? Everything about this process is frustrating!!!

  • thanks Datak - so relieved someone knows how im feeling. Ive told him i feel alone in this and that my biggest fear in our persuit to have a baby is the distruction of our relationship if either of us goes forward with something we are not completely on board with. No matter how much i want a baby, I dont want it at the sacrifice of our relationship. He has agreed to talk some more - so hopefully for once he will actually talk!!

    Sounds like your oh is a very sweet guy to wanting to please u. they just dont get that this is such a huge thing, it needs to be a joint decision and we need to feel that we are in this 2gether. That is one blessing of being a woman - we can talk and thank god for this group xxx

  • Too true ... mine shuts down completely every now again and I suppose that's not surprising if you have no outlet like this one and have been socialised out of big emotions! To be fair, i suppose it must be distressing for him to watch the process (he cant be in the same room as me when i inject and doesn't like the 'nitty gritty' as he calls it!) as its my body it happens too and he is very good - doesn't mean he doesn't get on my nerves with it all sometimes though! Mine has also mourned the loss of his playmate (me) on occasions through this year too ... it's hard to feel fun and light when your injecting, hormonal, body watching crazy and this process seems to go on forever!!! I think it can be easier for them to switch off or distract themselves - I don't know. It will be worth it in the end though hopefully. I think you just have to take the opportunities to normalise and talk when you can xxx I'm sure the two of you will be absolutely fine xxxxxxx

  • Thanks Hun, totally get what ur saying xxx

  • Firstly, it is a really hard time - so don't apologise for that!

    Why don't you have a chat with your OH over the weekend, perhaps go to a cafe or something - don't use your home as there are other things to distract you! Ask him to make some time so that you can both say how you feel and let each other speak while the other listens. Hopefully then you both want the same. However, you both must be honest with one another and not say what the other wants you to say.

    Deep breath and hopefully, you can both get things sorted out x

  • Hi there

    we've had a brief chat - more than i expected as hes not a talker and then some of his thoughts via text later lol!! he wants us to try once more with my eggs even with the low chances just so we can get it out of our heads. hes still not sure about donor but also becos if this fails try with my own now (which is highly likely) hes not sure he can go thru it all again. ive said that i think we out to cross that bridge when it comes to it - lets do this first. Its just all quite stressful cos of him getting the time off work etc if we are going away for it but hopefully that will all be smoother than we think x

  • Well your response sounds positive. I think if you have it in your mind that you want to try one more time with your own eggs, then I would do it, otherwise it will always be in your mind! However, the odds are low and I think you already know that (I wish I could tell you different) - I'm the same. Why don't you see how it goes and then decide on what to do later, depending on this outcome. Make sure you know and are happy about going to Greece though (language, cleanliness etc), one thing you need to think about is lifting a suitcase after? You won't want to lift anything.

    Couldn't you book it as a holiday and spend some further days out there relaxing?

    Let me know how it all goes xx

  • Told them today we want to get started so will see what happens-reviews r v good & a lovely lady on here has just had transfer today at same clinic & she said it's great there & she can give me loads of info so that's reassuring!

    A friend of a friend wants me to talk to her friend at a top clinic in Valencia b4 I go any further so that may b the only reason we change our plan now x

  • Well you sound much happier then you did yesterday!

    Let me know how you get on, if all is well and good, then I might go next year as a possibility!

    Good luck with it all, I will be thinking of you x

  • Thanks Hun, long way to go yet & no doubt some heartache as we have all had! I will defo keep u posted as I know it'll b good for u to have some feedback on possible places to go xxx

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