Yesterday we had a traumatic time at our clinic. As many of you know, we had started with 15 frozen donor eggs at a UK clinic. Day 3 looked ok/good. Day 5 - no blastocysts and terrible/insensitive communication from an embryologist... including finding out this awful news in the transfer room, bladder full and set to go, perched on the end of the theatre bed.. you know the drill.
Day 6 - we had an early phonecall saying that thankfully 2 had gone to blastocyst and to come in for transfer, and they would do final grading before the transfer, hoping that 2 more might make it. One already out for the count. So far so expected, and so grateful for 2 blastocysts.
We arrive, and another embryologist greets us bouncily and happily with 'All good news!' And proceeds to tell us that we have a 6 b/c and a 5 b/c and the other 2 have not made it to blastocyst. The 5bc was not really ready for transfer but because my chances are now so down, they would recommend transferring both. I could have killed her. I am of course grateful for these 2 blastocysts, and if it had been during my own 3 failed fresh cycles, I would have been delighted. But the news was 2 'fair' blastocysts ON DAY 6 (so stastically worse) and 2 dead ones since the phonecall. This is on top of starting with 15 donor eggs and being told statistically to hope for one excellent blastocyst at day 5 and up to 4 for the freezer. This is an absolute shipwreck of a donor egg cycle on day SIX and we are clutching to the wreckage. ALL GOOD NEWS!!!!! I am afraid I let her have it, and told her in no uncertain terms this was not a good way to communicate with a fragile ivf patient! I wouldn't have minded her starting with 'some' good news, but ALL good news!!! I cannot tell you how angry I was. Now >24 hours have passed, I feel calmer and I know it may sound like an over-reaction, but I still feel it was totally out of order and I will be making a formal complaint, especially on top of the other terrible communication from another embryologist on the Sunday/day5.
SO.. yest and today since the transfer, I have been a tearful wreck. Just couldn't feel positive about these 2 blastocysts at all, just felt it was all over AND we had none in the freezer, after spending more money than I thought it was possible to spend on a donor egg cycle... plus kept replaying the awful communication of both embryologists. Er, progesterone overload anyone???
But... have cried on husband... cried when I heard a friend's voice on the phone... cried again when another friend came round to give me my Lentogest bottom injection... cried during a relaxation class I was at (good job we are all on the floor with our eyes closed!).. cried when the relaxation class lady asked how I was at the end... cried in the garden of the relaxation place... got home and found an aero, blueberries and flowers on my doorstep and a kind card... another friend popped round and I started crying as soon as I opened the door... BUT. Am finally starting to feel better. I think I have talked and cried it out and more able to embrace where we are, and to be positive with this transfer.. We are still in with a chance.. and far more chance (maybe/probably..) then with any of my own cycles, even though my first one did better! (3 blastocysts on day 5, hence some of my rage!).
Feel more able to root for these 2 blasts to implant, and to worry about everything else later. I think. At the moment. Post bubbly chocolate aero I ate in about 4 bites.
Thanks for reading if you got to the end. Lots of love to you all wherever you are on this crazy mad ivf endurance marathon! Thank you for all your support xxx
PS Oh yes, I hear my progesterone is too low today. 'Pop in tomorrow and we'll give you the new injections, then pop back on Friday for another blood test'. The clinic is London. I live far side of Oxford. I was hoping I had seen the back of the place for 2 weeks, but no!!!! #ivfmadness
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Oh my love what a rollercoaster few days you've had! Sounds like you're on the straight for now so long may it continue. This process is nuts eh but at least we are all in it together. Keep smiling, and keep swimming x
The way you were describing the service I thought you were in the back street of some overseas town in a clinic you'd found for £500! What a shame that you're experiencing that.
We found out today that from our 15 donor eggs, 10 fertilised, 2 transfered on day 3 (grade 7 and 8) that none of the other 8 made it to day 5. None of them. Now I'm worried at the quality of the two we have. Day 5 was Saturday and we only found out today.
I know like you, there are better chances. But as if Donor IVF isn't as traumatic enough - poor comms isn't needed on top!
Keep positive for the ones you have bedding in. They need you smiling xx
It's not all bad. We get to make more. But I just didn't want to have to think about it again! just wanted them there automatically as back up. And I just assumed on Saturday night because I hadn't heard everything was ok.
It's quite a trek to London from Oxford! My sister lives in Beconsfield.
Fingers crossed for us all. Welcome to 2ww crazy club xx
Definitely qualifies as a 'world against you' day but you fought through it and survived. Bloody hell...it did make me angry to read about how you have been treated. Pretty shocking and as you said, NO one on this road needs any more stress than they already have.
I am so sorry for your experience but can tell that you are only down, not beaten. There is every chance that things are going to work out beautifully and you must hold fast to that. Wishing you much luck and I will pass on what a good friend once said to me: "An awful day does not mean an awful life. There is always tomorrow" xx
Thanks Hollibob. Yes, I think plan to wait till after the 2ww as their response if unsympathetic might add to my stress.
No guarantees, but they quoted us various stats, and stats even at lower range would have been 5 blastocysts as end result... and although I allowed for 'underperforming' this is in disaster class I think... unless I fall preggers of course, but even so, none in freezer. So, again, after 2ww, we plan to address it with clniic and see what they say. We can but hope in a situation like this they may offer us something because it's been such a poor performing donor cycle. But first undoubtedly they will want very expensive further tests on hubby's sperm.. cue further money being thrown into pit we have dug.... but even with my own eggs post 40, we had better cycles than this. (eg first cycle, 12 eggs collected, 6 eggs fert, 4 at day 3, 3 blastocysts on day 5)
Oh I'm so sorry you've had such an awful day on what should be an exciting one full of hope and anticipation. I think it's so good to have a jolly good cry and hopefully this has relaxed you in the end. Better out and than in I say. I agree that you should complain about the communication. It's like they don't get it. They don't understand the emotional and financial pressure you're under when going through this. I'll be praying for successful implantation for you. Big hug. Vic x
Sorry you've had such an awful experience - hopefully you won't need to have it again but if you do I highly recommend Oxford fertility they are wonderful and very caring
Hi. I had 3 fresh and 1 frozen possibly at the clinic you mention. It was a bit of a conveyor belt but I think all ivf clinics are! I have to say the communication from the embryologists was always fine, and I will certainly be telling current clinic that in the complaint.
I'm afraid we moved because the wait for donor eggs was a year at least from memory, plus their success rates not as good as current clinic ( cue hollow laughter! But not over yet I must remind myself!)
I am reminded you have been thru such a terrible time. Thinking of you today xx
I'm sorry to hear you have had such a tough few days! This process is just so emotionally and physically draining. I just wanted to offer you a bit of hope. I had a 6 day transfer of two blastocysts and from memory they were 4ab & 4bc. One of those is now my 1 year old daughter. Try to stay positive as all it takes is one little fighter to stick! Wishing you the best of luck!! xx
Oh what a nightmare you've had! I can only imagine how you are feeling, the communication from your clinic sounds terrible, I'd be expecting far better things if it were me especially as Ive no doubt you're paying huge amounts of money!! Its hard to keep positive when you havent had good news but hang in there and try to be positive! Good luck!xx
Just to say HUGE thanks to you all. After venting here, having u guys joining in with my rant and saying encouraging things, talking and crying it out to friends and hubby yest... I finally started feeling better... accepting where we are and so much more positive about the beanies on board from 5pm yest. So grateful! Feeling has lasted overnight and am pretty relaxed, and just stopping my brain go down unhelpful paths.
SO hoping all the distress hasn't upset womb and beanies, thinking positive thoughts and going to ENJOY a trip to London and make sure I have treats and a walk in a park!
Big blessings and hugs to you all xxx
Oh dear .hope you get positive vibes soon.and good luck with the tww and ivf madness.thank goodness you have great friends around you.you are very lucky.😊
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what a bloody day.
40 y.o. need to make decision another IUI over IVF, very low reserve, mentally at edge
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