Test day today but pretty sure I already know the answer......

[lorraineb61]

2ww is the worst!! The last 2 days especially have been the biggest rollercoaster - I have googled everything (Don't Google everything, makes you way more paranoid!), underwear checking every time you go to the toilet! However in one of the checks yesterday there was blood, it has not been too bad overnight but feel pretty sure AF is about to make a nasty entrance!

So disappointed, don't know how I feel at the moment, I'm writing this just now with tears streaming down my face.

Blood test at 8am but pretty convinced I know the answer, not sure how I'm going to handle that phone call at work today.

[_MrsC]

Oh dear. Poor you. Do you have to wait for a blood test or could you do a hpt before the test just to give you a bit of prep time? Thinking of you. x

[lorraineb61 in reply to _MrsC]

Hi _MrsC, I decided to wait for the blood test - I did everything else that I shouldn't do (ie google & diagnose everything!!!) but decided that I would wait for the blood test to confirm. Only a few more hours till the result but pretty sure I know what it is :-((

[Gueritarubia]

I did a urine test on the morning of the blood test so I could be prepared for a bad news call at work. I got lucky and tested positive (both tests!) but I think timing is such that a urine test will work. Good luck, thinking of you! Xx

[lorraineb61 in reply to Gueritarubia]

Great news for you, really pleased for you!! Nice to hear some good news. x

[Gueritarubia in reply to lorraineb61]

Sorry to hear it didn't work out They'll have learned something this cycle and if you go again, it'll probably be a better one! Hang in there and use that Headspace app, it kept me sane my second round when I went berserk the first one... thinking of you! X

[Hidden]

Be brave. Sending you lot of love. This day is the hardest and im sure your exhausted. I will keep everything crossed that it will be a positive however you will cope if it isn't. My favourite quote "when going through hell, keep going". xxx

[lorraineb61 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, I'm sitting here at work attempting not to cry my eyes out!! I must either be doing a really good job at hiding it from everyone or this is how I look to everyone normally!!!

[ditsy999]

Hey hun I'm so sorry , I hope its not bad news for you. I know its hard but stay positive until you get to that point. After that you can revaluate what the next process for you is. For me personally I just wanted to get onto the next cycle but everyone is different. Take the time to grieve and then decide what you want to do . . .big hugs x

[lorraineb61 in reply to ditsy999]

Thank you but bleeding is still there & I have the usual AF symptoms so pretty sure it's game over. Luckily we didn't tell family (although that became problematic at times too) so we will have time to ourselves before having to put a brave face on for everyone else!

Don't know whether to go straight back into another cycle or wait - all I keep thinking about is the fact that I'm going to be 38 in March & success rates will just continue to decrease.

What stage are you at now? Have you had success since your failed cycle?? x

[ditsy999 in reply to lorraineb61]

I totally understand, I had one failed ICSI cycle last year, then did my 2nd cycle in Jan but couldn't do fresh transfer, had a FET in April and yesterday at my 7 week scan, they couldn't find a heartbeat. So Doctor said I will need to stop drugs and have a miscarriage, luckily we did not tell anyone. It's still devastating and I'm still upset but I won't give up. I am 38 in July too, but we do have 3 more frozen embryos in the freezer. I am hoping to start my next FET in July. I just need a bit of time to get used to idea that the baby we were excited about a couple of days ago, is no longer a reality. Take the time you need, I'm sure a couple of months won't make a huge difference, plus I think a lot of clinics like you to have a couple of months break, so your body has time to recover. Don't give up, it will happen . .big hugs xx

[lorraineb61 in reply to ditsy999]

The human body sucks - doesn't it???!!!! We're back to square 1 if (when) this fails. There was only 3 eggs retrieved, 2 planted & the last one, although made it to day 5 eventually wasn't good enough for freezing. Good luck with your remaining FET! x

[ditsy999 in reply to lorraineb61]

Thanks x

[emu2016]

Crossing everything for you! xx

[lorraineb61 in reply to emu2016]

Thank you but as the day goes on it's more & more apparent that it's AF!! Good luck to you too x

[ICSIBaby86]

I'm so sorry to hear this 😢 I went through the same 2 weeks ago... I cried awful for the first few days I just couldn't think of anything else... two weeks down the line im starting to feel better and more positive already. The sadness doesn't last, I'm just focusing on the next steps... look after yourself, cry, be angry, get it all out but it does ease. I've been using the Headspace App every day to help me cope. It's only 10 minutes and it's free ! I really feel liked it help me cope! Take care xxxxxxxxxx

[lorraineb61 in reply to ICSIBaby86]

So sorry to hear that - I'm absolutely gutted - still haven't had the official confirmation yet but it's there!!! I've just downloaded the Headspace App so I'll give that a try tonight! Hopefully your next cycle will be successful! x

[liz35]

Hi. Its test day for me tomorrow as well. Started showing signs of spotting two days ago but seen more blood today. Cried my eyes out earlier but now trying to stay calm. Hoping for a positive result but feel like it's failed.

Good luck for both of us. Take care x

[lorraineb61 in reply to liz35]

I'll have my fingers crossed for you tomorrow - it absolutely sucks! I was quite positive about it all until Tuesday & then I became an emotional wreck but I think that was because it was the 2ww!! However, the wreck continued yesterday but I spotted blood!!

I'm not really sure how I've managed to cope in work today waiting - I guess it's helpful that I have an office to myself!!

[liz35 in reply to lorraineb61]

I've not managed work today. Just resting and trying to remain calm. But like you know that's very hard.

[lorraineb61]

Official confirmation is now in - it's not worked. Not really sure how I'm going to get through the next 2 hours at work - infertility sucks x

[emu2016 in reply to lorraineb61]

Go home. Please go home. I regret ever being in work when I got the call in my last cycle. Sending lots of love and hugs xx

[lorraineb61 in reply to emu2016]

Thanks Emu2016 - I did go home, had a good cry!!! Feeling ready to get answers & hopefully move forward x

[emu2016 in reply to lorraineb61]

I'm so glad you did. The quickest those answers come, the better xx

[LauraGU in reply to lorraineb61]

Lorraine I am so very sorry. the same has happened to me so today so I understand just how shitty you must be feeling. I agree with emu, go home and get your head together as best you can. The last place you want to be right now is work and it will still be there another day. Here's hoping there are brighter days for us xxx

[lorraineb61 in reply to LauraGU]

Oh Laura it's utterly crap isn't it? Even though I knew it was over before the result it still came as a shock when the call came in. I'm having a huuuge bar of chocolate now with the biggest caffeine level ever & am going to have a wee drink at the weekend!!! There are definitely brighter days ahead for both of us! X

[LauraGU in reply to lorraineb61]

There are, I'm certain of it. I've finally stopped crying but I know it sounds stupid, I'm scared to go to bed incase I can't sleep and then it hits me again what's happened. It all feels bit of a dream now. I'm with you there, I had a McDonalds for lunch and I'm having a few drinks at the weekend. It is really really crap but I genuinely hope you will be ok xxx

[lorraineb61 in reply to LauraGU]

Well I've just gone to bed, not convinced there are any tears left!! Don't think I've cried that much when close family members have died!! Tomorrow is a new day & day 1 of the next challenge. I think you have to treat the 1st run as a diagnostic- only the lucky few will pass the 1st time - it will just need to be tweaked slightly for us to succeed!! X

[LauraGU in reply to lorraineb61]

Love it! Great way of viewing it xxx

[Hidden]

Im really sorry Lorraineb61.

A bfn really sucks .I had a bfn in january and i was shattered.I was moving around like a zombie for days and i stayed off all ivf sites .It got better with time .Sending hugs to you.Cry as much as you must.The process really is frustrating .Dont give up.

[lorraineb61 in reply to Hidden]

Yup BFN sucks!!! Heading for am early night tonight and tomorrow will hopefully be a better Day!! X

[bibi_16]

This very sad news. Im very sorry. Lotsss hungs and kisses ur way honey.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[lorraineb61 in reply to bibi_16]

Thank you xx

[Cinderella5]

So sorry to hear this! I completely sympathise with you. I had exactly the same thing on Christmas eve, started bleeding through my two week wait! You must be absolutely devastated! Take some time for yourselves, cry, drink wine....whatever you want to do!! Sending you a big hug!!xx

[lorraineb61 in reply to Cinderella5]

A BFN is never good but Christmas Eve must have been awful. Going to take some time to refocus, lose the weight that I put on during this cycle & move forward from there x

[kc21]

Hello Hun ! I'm the same x brown spotting today x just waiting for af to show up ! Blood test Sunday which will tell me the inevitable x it sucks had worst melt down to my other half earlier xx poor thing x he said he didn't want me to go through it again x must be hard seeing someone u love go through this

[lorraineb61 in reply to kc21]

You're still in the game if it's Brown spotting - don't give up yet! The first week of the 2ww was fairly easy so thought it was all old wives tales about how hard it was but boy was I wrong!! Keep the Faith! X

[Hidden]

Hi Lorraine,

So sorry to read of your result.

Its just sh!t and there is nothing that will make you feel better.

Give yourself some time to get your head around it but please take some comfort in the information your clinic now has and your next cycle will be tweaked to help you achieve success next time.

Take care of each other ❤ xx